My Story

I wrote this as an introduction of myself for an NPE support group.

My mom got pregnant with me when she was 18, so still fairly young. When she was about 3 months pregnant she told my BF, Brian A. From the stories that she told me she gave him two options: to remain in my life and help raise me but pay child support, or walk away and she wouldn't pursue child support. He chose the latter. I was born a few months after she turned 19 and her best friend came up with my name, Breara (pronounced Bree-air-uh), which is Brian and Sara (mom) combined. I had a decent childhood. My mom was a single mother to myself and two younger siblings. She did or tried to do her best with the cards we were dealt.

Even though I grew up feeling loved, I always felt like a part of me was a mystery. My mom tried to answer as many of my questions as she could...but she could never tell me why Brian didn't want me... What had I done wrong? Was there something wrong with me? Of course being older now I realize that I wasn't to blame for his absence. As I grew older, I started to harbor a resentment towards my mom thinking she had pushed my BF away. Eventually I grew out of that, and my mom is now my best friend.

When I was 16 I met Brian for the first time. I had been in contact with some siblings on his side (good ol' MySpace days) and we eventually decided to meet. For a while I tried to build a relationship with Brian. My eldest sister and I became quite close. Then when I was about 19 Brian had a heart attack. I tried everything I could to be a dutiful daughter and help him in any way with my limited resources. For some reason when he told me that he didn't need me, he had his girlfriend to help, I took it hard and realized that not only did he not need me after this medical emergency, but he didn't need me AT ALL. So I ceased contact. I am 26 now.

Growing up not knowing half of my family is what sparked my interest in genealogy. About two years ago I created an account on ‪Ancestry.com‬ and began building a tree based on the limited information I had. I spent hours on that tree in the first few days. After a while, building the tree wasn't enough to satisfy my curiosity. So I ordered an AncestryDNA kit. I wish I could convey how excited I was to spit in that little plastic tube.

After weeks of waiting, I finally got my results and shared them with my mom. Then, a few weeks later I got a message from a childhood friend. Her parents and my mom were very close friends and neighbors before I was born. She asked me if I was looking for my BF because she might be able to help. I told her I knew who he was and that I no longer had contact with him. She then told me that her brother had also taken the AncestryDNA test and that we matched as first cousins. In my mind her family was somehow related to the A's (BF's family.)

I called my mom after ending my conversation with my friend. I asked her how the W's (friend's family) were related to the A's. When she said they weren't, I asked how I could have matched to my friend's brother. The next words out of my mom's mouth were "Oh s***." She then told me the story of John W (friend's uncle). When she was with Brian, they had broken up briefly. In that time she and John slept together. When she found out she was pregnant with me there was no doubt in her mind that I was Brian's. She actually told me "John and I were a one time thing, I didn't think it would matter!" Well, mom....one time is all it takes!

So after many conversations with my mom, and she with the W's, John found out about me. He also wants nothing to do with me. Learning that brought everything back...those childhood "what did I do?" thoughts. I cried. Many times within the first few weeks.

This happened in March/April of this year. By June I had made a decision. It didn't matter that these BFs didn't want me. I had a dad. I'd known my stepdad since I was 2-3 and he has been my stepdad for over ten years. I asked him what he thought about adopting me and making it official. We both cried. August 29, 2018 was the day I no longer was a "one owner child." This decision has made a huge difference in my life. I know that I am loved. The person that helped raise me isn't blood, but he's done more for me than blood ever has.