Want

I want to stare into your eyes intently until we’re no longer strangers.
I want to lay on your chest and hear your heart beat my thoughts.
I want to kiss your bottom lip until it pulsates my name.
I want to scratch my nails down your shoulders, so you know I have your back.

© Rocio Belinda Mendez

Reviews

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmi..]

I also really like the last line. It really ties the whole thing together. I think the repetition turned me a bit, but i also get it. When i am writing i feel like its like writing an emotion out and those are hard to revise when you out of the moment. Like going back to journal entry and saying " well i don't really feel that way now so ill correct how i felt then" it seems dishonest to me. So i think its awesome you made that choice and are sticking with it.
Great structure and paints a real picture of intimacy

[rociobelindamendez]

Thank you! I appreciate that. :)

[aleedra]

I think the last line is really powerful! Have you considered rewriting to get rid of the repetition? Something like this:

I want to

stare into your eyes until we're no longer strangers
lay on your chest and hear your heart beat my thoughts
kiss your bottom lip until it pulsates my name
scratch my nails down your shoulders, so you know i have your back.

[rociobelindamendez]

Thank you :) No, actually, I like the repetition a lot. It ties it all together for me. Thank you for reading me :D x