But One Night

It's all about perception, isn't it?

She stares into the darkness as strands of hair decorate her countenance.
Her eyes hold pain. 
-They’re damp with broken promises, and tainted purity.
She’s so aware of herself, it feels surreal. 
She can feel her pulse in her wrists, her neck and her chest. 
They feel out of sync, just like she does.
She prays to a god she doesn’t believe in just to feel safe, even for a mere moment. 
She talks intimately to the empty sky, and asks it for help. 
There’s an echo to her words.

Beat 

-It’s windy, and utterly dark. 
The full moon illuminates her doubting soul as she collapses onto her knees, not too far from the cliffs edge. 
Her eyes are closed. 
It hurts to see the beauty she can’t appreciate. 
It hurts to feel so void of life, with a beating heart, and bated breath. 

She inhales as deeply as she can. 
With all the strength she can muster, she lets out a scream that shakes the core of the Universe. 
The scream is long, and desperate. 
The scream travels through time, and space.
It echoes over and over. Over, and over. 
The Universe hears her agony, and responds with a sole surge of thunder. 
She opens her eyes in shock from the abrupt, lone sound. 

Beat

So alone, so lost and so scared. 
She can barely take it. 
Her face winces up, and she weeps!
She weeps rivers in depth.
She cries for the first time since she was born. 
She cries with such force, she’s drenched within seconds. 
It begins to rain all around her. It pours from one instant to the next. 
She is crying to the sky, and the sky is crying to her. 

Beat
-She cries her very last drop, the last one she had in her being. 
She’s drained and saturated. 
The rain stops instantly. 
The wind carries a calm, and her face relaxes. 
She unclenches her jaw, her lips part slightly.  
Her eyes blink slowly as if she were awaking from a dream. 
The sun suddenly appears, rising from the East with purpose. 
She frowns, and it lowers again. 
She smiles widely, and the sun is suddenly above her, shimmering rays of beauty all over her skin; now dry and golden. 
Confusion washes over her, unable to understand the correlation. 
Clouds appear and make their way towards the sun. 
Suddenly she forgets why she’s there. 
Suddenly she feels good, and it’s foreign. 

She takes a deep breath and stands up with gusto. 
-A shift has occurred, and it feels brilliant. 
Staring out into the most beautiful sight she’s ever seen, she smiles. 
She smiles, and it’s honest. 
She smiles, and the birds chirp. 
She smiles, and the sky clears. 
What a smile, if it can shift the universe. 
What a Universe, if it can change when smiled at.

Beat

-She had forgotten how to feel, how to smile. 
She had been wearing a frown like it was the only expression that fit.
Her mouth always closed so she could never swallow anyones lies. 
Her head always down, to avoid seeing what awaited her. 
Her hands in fists, incase trouble was strong. 
Her mind a scribbled maize so she couldn’t make it out in time.
Her thoughts a dark blur, incase they hurt more sharped and focused.

Beat 

She walks along a field of flowers, beaming. 
Wondering how it had ever been so dark, when there was such luminous beauty surrounding her? 
She stops and takes a flower in her hand, and smells its fragrant scent. 
It smells like memories yet to come. 
It smells like reasons to have faith in faith.

She feels from a place she never knew existed inside her before. 
She feels, and the wind blows delicately across her neck. 
She feels, and a butterfly lands on her outstretched hands as she twirls. 
She feels, and a rainbow decorates the sky just for her. 

She walks without a care, staring up at the sky in awe. 
Such glorious beauty. 

“Where have you been all my life?” She asks life, silently.

It whispers, “I’ve been waiting for you to notice me.”

© Rocio Belinda Mendez

Reviews

[Simon Pergande]

Amazing..... wow! I love your style! A few misunderstandings here and there but really it turned out great!

She walks without a care, staring up at the sky in awe.

I think your story would flow through the sentence more if you corrected that to :
She walks without care , staring up at the sky in awe.
Or in my opinion at least haha.

[rociobelindamendez]

xD thanks for reading me! I think i'll keep that line as is though. I like without a care - not a single one! not just stating she's not caring, you know what I mean? Which bits did u misunderstand?
Thanks again, I appreciate it x

[Simon Pergande]

Yes I see what you mean and wanted to express now! I loved your story and think it's very creative and passionate. Just the way you flowed from passage to passage was amazing. Oh and those small misunderstandings, I got them now , haha srry , I misread some things! xD

[rociobelindamendez]

:P haha that's great, thank you so much I appreciate you reading my work and taking the time to review it :) I'll take a look at your asap x

[txgerlxly]

This is such an amazing read! I love the way you make the Universe your character's perspective on everything, and it's just perfect.

[rociobelindamendez]

mmm thank you so much :D glad you enjoyed it x

[Gene]

Elegant..................

[rociobelindamendez]

Thank you so much x

[Sesame]

Hi Rocio,

Wow! Good job. I like the rhythm and the style. Effective use of repetition, well done. After reading this I think you might like my story 'Sunborn'. Maybe you'll have the chance to read and review it? I would appreciate it.

I have comments on a few of your sentences, maybe it can help you improve even further.

She stares into the darkness as strands of hair decorate her countenance. - I my opinion 'as' indicates a temporary state, in your sentence 'the hair decorating her countenance is really a fixed state. Suggestion is to split up into two sentences: "She stares in to the darkness. Strands of hair decorate her countenance." I will match your upbeat staccato style.

Her eyes blink slowly as if she were awaking from a dream -> you are mixing up tenses here, 'were' should be 'is'

Her hands in fists, incase trouble was strong. -> From your story I gather that the woman is alone and has no other person's fists to put her hand in. Of course this is not what you mean, but to avoid confusion consider adding 'clenched': Her hands clenched in fists. 'incase' -> 'in case'

Her mind a scribbled maize so she couldn’t make it out in time. -> do you really mean 'maize' here? As in 'corn', I have a feeling you mean 'maze'.

Hope it helps, I did enjoy reading your story!

Regards, Sesame