Diya

Sitting on the seashore, on the dry sand in that summer evening, my mind was a big mess of thoughts. Thoughts, which seemed to come in knocking at the door uninvited. And when they got no answer, when I tried to ignore them, found their own way in from a place I couldn't seem to make out. There were so many things, so many emotions floating in that deep ocean, that I didn't notice the huge wave which landed on the shore, sprinkling me with it's salty water. Two children played with a frisbee on my right. A boy wearing a blue t-shirt and black shorts, and a girl, his sister wearing a pretty pink frock. Both playing carefree on that  beach, their parents sitting at a distance, watching them both with a smile plastered on their face.

The sun was nearing the horizon, scattering shades of orange in the distance, casting shadows of figures wandering and sitting on the beach. Birds began their journey home, carrying food to feed their young ones.

A couple moved along the shore, holding hands, typically young and love struck. They looked kind of sweet. The boy, a tall one with a well built body and clipped clothing, and the girl with long black hair, which fell near her waist and curled slight upwards, just like the corner of her mouth did whenever the boy looked at her, admiringly.

The beach was not crowded. You could see just a handful of people taking a stroll along the shore or sitting quietly in the sand. They were mostly in groups or pairs and I felt like a fish out of water among them, sitting alone, ruminating over things, people and what not. A group of people stood near the ice cream vendor to my left, demanding various flavors of orange, chocolate and strawberry. A 'chaat' vendor flipped the patties as he catered to to the kids and adults who flocked to him with a paper bowl in their hand, eagerly waiting for their share of paani-puri.

Such are the times when you notice things. When your mind interprets things in a way you can seldom think of. It seems that some mysterious gate has been opened, somewhere deep inside you and all the philosophical and metaphorical meanings of seemingly mundane everyday things suddenly occur to you. You feel enlightened and full of emotions, remembering past memories and thinking about future possibilities.

"Hi there stranger!"

The voice fleeted in the air like the first note of that melodious tune which, when you listen for the very first time, know that it's going to stay with you for a long long time.

She came and sat down beside me. A girl of my age, wearing a pink tank top and a blue capree. Her hair falling with a little bounce on her shoulder, the softest of the lot. She had a grace about her, and intimidating. The kinds which you know are absolutely confident about themselves and the way they carry themselves. She had brown eyes, deep and intense. Her lips curled up into a smile as she looked at me, revealing a set of perfectly white teeth. 

"Diya", she said, extending her hand forward.

"Umm, do I know you?" I said with the sheepest of smiles. I am not very comfortable talking to people, just introvert things. Moreover people like these scared the hell out of me. Confident and charming, a deadly combination to begin with.

Her hands were soft as I shook them, the tanned flawless skin wrapping my palms like a comforter in the cold winter season, providing warmth, sending up electrical impulses which seemed to shake my body like an earthquake shaking a chandelier. 

"No, but I guess the same apply to all the other souls around here as well."

A breeze rose from the ocean and blew towards us, ruffling my hair, and hers. She took a few strands of hair which had blown in front of her eyes and tucked it behind her ears.

"So what are you doing here?" I asked her, facing the ocean, concentrating on the blue of the ocean rather than the brown of her eyes.

"Well... that depends. First you tell me. What are you doing, sitting here all by yourself with that forlorn look in your eyes, concentrating on the blue of the ocean rather than concentrating on the brown of my eyes... and maybe you are doing so because you think that you will fall in love with me if you even look at me, which clearly shows that right now you are too afraid to fall in love, which finally brings me to the conclusion that you are in desperate need of some adhesive."

"Some adhesive?" I asked, clearly flabbergasted at the girl who had quoted my mind so perfectly and so honestly, like all the data had been displayed on the monitor of my face and all she had to do was the run the program , and Ta - da ! the output was there.

"Don't you?" She said with a challenging look on her face, one eyebrow arched upwards.

I just couldn't look away from her. Those eyes challenging me to dive deeper and explore the unexplored, the smile that makes you weak on your knees. Then and there I knew it.

"What are you saying?" I managed to squeak out. The surprise element must have been clear from my face.

"Your heart has been broken. I am sorry, shattered might be the word you will probably use to describe it. And you are searching for answers sitting here where it's calmer than usual and finding those pieces, trying to fit them like a terrible to solve jigsaw puzzle but you can't fit them, so you need something to stick them so that you can at least assemble them together."

"You are trying way too hard to make your heart presentable again."

"How do you even know ?" I am starting to get a bit irritated at how easily she is slipping inside me, stealing away what I have worked so hard over the past few days to preserve.

"I know that look in your eyes. Well, let's just say I know how you feel. Because yesterday I was at the same spot as you are right now, sitting exactly the same way as you are, and thinking probably the same things as you were."

Birds chirped as the waves lashed against the shore. The boy playing with his sister on my right threw the frisbee to her and the girl ran in an attempt to catch the disc before it fell on the ground. People threw their paper bowls in the dustbin after having their share of snacks. The tall boy and the girl passed us. They reached a bike. The boy turned the key and fired up the vehicle while the girl took her seat at the back, her hands finding his waist and encircling it.

"So, how was she?"

The question was from,of course Diya. She was also now looking towards the ocean, our eyes trained at the setting sun.

"Strong coffee I guess", her image flashed into my mind and so did a thousand other memories. The floodgates which I had so hard tried to shut down had now been opened and their was nothing containing the water. So the water just spilled everywhere, a kaleidoscope of what we were, what we could have been and what we couldn't.

"Oh boy. So what was in her that kept you awake at nights?"

"Everything. From the day we first met, she was something I could never quite understand. Bubbly, fun loving, my complete opposite. They say opposites attract and yes they do. Everyone has a void waiting to be attended to. They fill the void which has been left unattended to for such a long time. She filled me with happiness and pain, both at the same time. She was everything I could ever crave for in life and at the same time, too much to hold onto. She filled the void inside me, with everything she had and then one day she was gone, taking away everything I had."

I was desperately trying to dab away the water threatening to drip down from the corners of my eyes, my voice increasingly becoming hoarse.

"Why did it end?" Her voice was soft and comforting, and it traversed through the air, forming a pillow to keep my head on cry my heart out.

"I could not fill a space which a previous blow had taken out of her. How much I tried I couldn't be big enough to fit the space which had been left inside her."

A tear escaped, disobeying my orders, dripping onto the sand making the color brown dark before disappearing into oblivion.

"What about you?" I managed to ask.

"Well let's just say I was too wild a soul to ever value his love, wild enough not to be caged in his heart. I loved him, very very much, more than he can ever know. But you know, sometimes some people are just too much to hold onto. There was so much love that it became threatening to even think about, these were his words mind you because he gave me the news, and before he was consumed by it, I let him go."

Silence fell along with the night as the sun dipped completely below the horizon, taking away any light, any hope which could have shown us the way to find our loved ones. The family was packing away their things and installing them in their car. The children occupied the back seats as the doors clicked shut and the mosaic of happiness drove away.

"I should go now."

We walked in complete silence to the entrance of the beach.

"Well, it was nice meeting you", she held out her hand, her eyes watery and a forced customary smile to top it.

And we shook hands once again.

I started my way back treading along the path I had traversed earlier in the day and she took the opposite. Hands in the pocket of my shorts, I walked away from those cascade of memories, away from the sun.

Away from home. And it was then that I heard, the sound of feet on the ground approaching me fast as she latched me tightly in her arms from behind. I turned and there she was, tears streaming down her cheeks marring the mascara that lined her eyes. her soft features, trembling under the pressure of what was my doing to her. There she was, the same mess as I had left her some days before.

There was my Diya.

She clutched onto me, her hands enveloping me in a lock, which she didn't want to open.Her head was on my shoulders, and the moisture seeping through, revealing all that she had held within, giving away all that she couldn't.

I did nothing to keep her for myself, just as I had did nothing to make her stay. I just held her in my arms, our bodies held against  each other, her hair falling on my hands, uniting into love. We just stood there, dissolving ourselves in each other, losing every shred we had into each other so that we didn't have any left to make anything anymore.

And then it was just her, me and the never ending sea.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful story shared.
"I did nothing to keep her for myself, just as I had did nothing to make her stay. I just held her in my arms, our bodies held against each other, her hair falling on my hands, uniting into love. We just stood there, dissolving ourselves in each other, losing every shred we had into each other so that we didn't have any left to make anything anymore.
And then it was just her, me and the never ending sea"
The above lines. Magically words of being love and knowing love. Thank you Roch for sharing the amazing story.
Coyote