Miming is for Lovers, part six

Two weeks and three days later, Sadie had moved her belongings into Bernie’s apartment. She had cleaned the bathroom two times, and the floors six. The kitchen mold was removed from the refrigerator and healthy, wholesome food was added. Next came pictures of the two that Carl had taken with a disposable camera. There were pictures of the two at Navy Pier getting into the Ferris wheel pod. There were pictures of Sadie lying on the grass in the park the two frequented often. There were also pictures from their honeymoon in Florida which in reality where snapshots of the beach on North Avenue.

              The day before Bernie’s mother was coming to town, Sadie was studying Bernie’s family history for the last time.

            “Uncle Bob is?”

            “Your father’s brother. The one whose wife converted,” Sadie said.

            “Good. My father is?”

            “Dead. He died of lymphoma two years ago.”

            “He died of lymphoma five years ago. Aunt Frannie died two years ago of?”

            “Umm…”

            “C’mon, Sadie, you know this,” he said with fervor. Sadie rubbed her head.

            “Type two diabetes,” she said. “I remembered. I’m nervous,” she said. Bernie nodded and sat back, resting his sweaty back against the chair.

            “We’ll be okay. Go to bed and I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

            “Night, Bernie,” Sadie said as she headed into his bedroom. For the passed three weeks, Bernie had been sleeping on the pull out couch in the front room. Tomorrow he would set bedroom up to look like the two shared it in holy matrimony.

            At midnight, Bernie fell asleep and dreamt of eleven clowns having a party at Rainbow Cone where he had spent his first birthday. The clowns laughed and cheered as his Mother handed him a present and he opened it as fast as he could. Inside was Sadie, dressed as Miss Honeypie. Twelve R. Crumb cartoon clowns joined the party and Bernie awoke when his alarm sounded.

            After Bernie got dressed, he joined Sadie in the bedroom to help remodel.

            “Thanks for doing this for me,” he said and she smiled.

            “I always had a crush on you. I liked your classic costume. It reminded me of vaudeville.”

            “Really? I always liked you too. You always have a smile on your face.” Bernie sat down on the bed as Sadie did. Sadie took Bernie’s hand in hers and they intertwined fingers together. Their lips barely met when the doorbell rang and Bernie jumped off the bed.

            “My mother! She’s here! Oh god, okay, do we look okay?”

            “We look fine. Let me get the door.” Sadie walked to the door with ease and grace and he knew she would be the perfect student at the Theatre de l’Ange Fou.

            “Frannie,” Sadie said with outstretched arms. Bernie’s mother walked into the hug and made a face.

            “Frannie?”

            “I mean Sylvie. I’m sorry. Sylvie, I don’t know what I was thinking. Please have a seat. It’s so nice to finally meet you!”

            Sylvie put her things down and wandered around the front room, looking at the phony pictures and awards Bernie had won in Clown College.

            “These are beautiful,” Sylvie said, pointing to the beach scenes. Sadie smiled and nodded her head as Bernie walked into the room.

            “Mom,” he said and hugged her. She squeezed him and kept him in a tight hold for forty-one seconds.

            “I missed you, Bernalah! My little Bernie baby,” she cooed. Bernie blushed and sat next to Sadie on the loveseat she had added to the room. “So, tell me all about the wedding. I want to hear it from you, Sadie, since we haven’t gotten to meet yet.”

            “Oh, Sylvie, it was beautiful,” Sadie said. “The beaches were beautiful and the people were nice and the food was amazing. I didn’t realize I loved shrimp so much.”

            “The beaches? Shrimp?”
            “She means the beaches in Florida when we went on our HONEYMOON. Remember, kitten, our beautiful wedding in NEW YORK? And shrimp…no we didn’t eat shrimp, we had salmon…”

            “Oh, silly me, of course. New York, salmon. Where is my head at?” she began, “It was really nice. We had a lot of fun…”

            Sadie and Bernie held hands throughout most of dinner and even slept in the same bed that night. By the fifth night of Chanukah, they actually felt like they were married, arguing over who had to wash the dishes and what movie they would watch the fall asleep to. When Sylvie’s trip came to an end, Sadie cried and they hugged for two minutes.

            “I’m so glad we met. I can’t wait to see you again,” Sadie said as Sylvie held her hands.

            “I love you both. Bernie, I want to speak to you for a minute.” Sylvie squeezed Bernie and handed him a card.

            “Happy Chanukah, Bernie. I love you. Be well and eat something, you’re wasting away!”

            When Sylvie got into her taxi and drove away, Bernie opened the card:

            Bern, I’ve bought you two round-trip tickets to London and paid your tuition at the Theatre de l’Ange Fou. I am so glad you’re happy. I love you, love Mom.

            Bernie felt his breath leave his body and he leaned against the front door of his apartment. Sadie wrapped both arms around his waist and leaned into him. Three months and four days later, the two, now married, would start off their day like any other. They would wake at six fifteen, take the L at seven twenty-one, and sit on the coffee room couch with Carl. Both would go to work at a little girl’s birthday party and then, at eight eighteen at night, they would board an airplane for London.

            Three months and eleven days later, Shlomo the Hobo and Miss Honeypie would graduate from the Theatre de l’Ange Fou.

            Two months and three days later, Bernie and Sadie would move into their new flat and begin the first of seventeen attempts to make a baby.