Miming is for Lovers, part five

When Bernie got home, he went straight to bed and slept five minutes passed his alarm the next morning. Walking into work, it seemed as if the world had suddenly turned a bright shade of yellow and everybody on earth was smiling with him. The air felt a little hotter than normal and all he wanted to do was sit in the park with Sadie and creep people into saying good evening to him.

            “Hi, Shlomo,” Miss Honeypie said when they passed each other in the hallway. “Looking forward to the festival today?”

            “I suppose,” he said and went outside to wait for the van to pull around and take him away to the Halsted street festival where he would proceed to entertain from a stage he shared with two drag queens singing songs from the musical Hair.

            At five o’clock on the dot, Bernie rushed into his apartment to take a shower. When he was done washing all the paint off his body, he noticed how it all spiraled into the drain to make a pretty tie-dye like floor painting. When he turned his computer on, the mail center on his internet screamed for him to check.

            Hi, Bernie. I’m really excited to see you tonight. Pick me up at the Baker’s Square at Western and Fargo. See you later! xoxo Sadie.

            At 6:11 pm, Bernie pulled up to the Baker’s Square and spotted Sadie. He flashed his lights at her and she shoved her middle finger in the air. He drove closer to her and rolled down his window.

            “Sadie,” he said and she leaned down, looking into the window and laughing.

            “Oh my gosh, I thought you were flashing your lights at me because you thought I was in the way of the street or something,” she said as she slid into his car. They drove ten minutes to a park on a side street of Touhy Avenue in West Rogers Park.

            “I have to be honest with you about something,” he said, fidgeting with the frays on the jean jacket he wore. Sadie nodded her head in support. “I need a wife.” Sadie sat up straight and cocked her head to the side with a puzzled look on her face.

            “What do you mean?”

            “My mom thinks I’m married and she’s coming to visit in three weeks for Chanukah. I need someone to pretend they’re my wife.”

            “Why would you lie to your poor Mother?”

            “You’re probably going to think I’m a weirdo, but I’m a clown for a living. I work for an agency and we get called to do charity and school events, festivals, and birthdays, pretty much anything you’d need a clown for.”

            “Oh.”

            “And my mom told me that the day I got married she would start saving for a trip to London for me so I could study at the Theatre de l’Ange Fou.”

            “You want to study at the Theatre de l’Ange Fou?”

            “Yes. You’ve heard of it?”

            “I’m going there this summer! I’ve been in love with miming since I was a little girl. Mimes are just incredible. I mean, they’re so beautiful.”

            “I completely agree,” Bernie said, trying to disguise the fact that he was about to fall over in love with Sadie. “They have class.”

            “Exactly!” They both smiled at each other and spoke together when they said,

            “Where do you clown?”

            “You first,” Sadie said with a smile.

            “J.J—“

            “—Barlow and Company?”   

            “How do you know that?”

            “I work there, too.” She leaned in and got within inches from his face, studying it while trying to figure out who he was.

            “You’re Shlomo, aren’t you?” she said. Bernie nodded his head.

            “I am.”
            “I’m Miss Honeypie. We sit on the coffee—“

            “—room couch,” Bernie said, finishing her sentence. They both laughed and Sadie scooted closer to Bernie on the wooden bench.

            “I’d be delighted to help you get to London.” And they began their plan to trick Bernie’s mother into believing Sadie was his wife.