Miming is for Lovers, part three

The wheels in Bernie’s head started to turn. He sat back in his chair, weighing out the pros and cons of Carl’s plan. On the one hand, if his plan worked, Bernie would finally get to study with famous English mimes. But on the other hand, if Carl’s plan backfired, his mom would take the money back and guilt him until the day she died.

Bernie sat in his chair until six fifteen the next morning when his alarm clock went off in his bedroom. Tired and stressed, Bernie slowly walked to his bedroom where he unplugged his clock and threw it in closet.

            By the time Bernie arrived at work, he had almost completely convinced himself that Carl’s plan could work. All he had to do was fix up his apartment, something he didn’t mind doing, and find a wife, something he was terrified to do. At eight twenty-one and thirty-nine seconds, Carl sat down on the coffee room couch and smiled.

            “I’ve already got this plan rolling,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee and making a face. “Gosh, that’s hot.”

            “I’m not sure if I can do this,” Bernie said, tapping his bitten fingernails on his knee. Carl rolled his eyes and sat forward.

            “Listen, I was reading the Reader this morning and came across this.” Carl handed Bernie the newspaper and smiled. “Speed dating at B’nai Jerusalem! Isn’t that perfect? You can meet a girl there!” Carl beamed and Bernie wished he could find a pothole, crawl into it, and die.

            “I’m not too sure about that,” he said.

            “Not too sure about what, Shlomo?” Miss Honeypie said as walked through the doorway of the coffee room and towards the coffee machine where she was sure to load her drink with seven packets of refined sugar.

            “Umm…” Bernie began.

            “Not too sure about the Cubs winning this season,” Carl interjected. Bernie nodded his head quickly.

            “Yes, the Cubs. You know, we’re cursed and all,” Bernie added. Miss Honeypie nodded her head and sat down next to the two.

            “Can I see that?” she said, pointing at the newspaper. Bernie handed it to her slowly and sat back on the couch so Carl’s body blocked the sight of her. He didn’t know why he felt embarrassed.

            “Nice button,” Carl said. Miss Honeypie looked down on her shirt and smiled proudly at the I Love Sunshine!! button she had made the night before on the button press kit she bought from a teacher’s store in the suburbs.

            “I made it myself. Do you want one?”

            “Oh, I don’t think sunshine goes with my cowboy motif, here. But thanks anyway,” Carl said.

            “Are you going to this?” Miss Honeypie said, reading the ad for speed dating at the temple.

            “I’m not Jewish,” Carl said. She leaned forward to look at Bernie and smiled. Again, his cheeks turned red and he felt a little sticky on his face.

            “No,” he said, the harshness in his voice surprised him. Miss Honeypie shrugged her shoulders.

            “Oh, okay.” Miss Honeypie sat back in the couch and began reading another chapter in Making Faces.