OH BY THE WAY...

A telephone conversation.

     “Gee that’s too bad…well, it’s not necessarily fatal…at his age though…but Mrs. Harcourt has a son living in Norville…at least she won’t be alone…give her my best next time you see her…"

 

     “Did Brandy Tyson take first place at the flower show this year?…I’m not surprised…she has the greenest thumb…yes, I’ve seen her Prince Jonathon…I can’t imagine a more beautiful rose…"

 

      “Say, have Brandon and Denise ever married? They’ve been engaged forever…really?...she did?...well I guess long engagements aren’t that great an idea…"

 

    “How’s the town band doing?...all the way to Kingsport…wow…they’ll put Norville on the map yet…of course I know it’s on the map; I was just saying…

 

     “Oh by the way…(and Brooke paused the slightest bit, so slightly that Pearl didn’t even notice)…have you seen Kelvin Summers?...did he say anything about me?...no, that’s not the reason I called…I really do want to know all the local news…but please, Pearl, did Kelvin?...he did?...he said that?...you’re sure?...”

 

     Brooke’s grip on the phone was white-knuckled by now, but in a calm voice she dutifully asked about the football team, the basketball team, the mayor’s nine-hour operation, the new Methodist church and Chief Reardon’s retirement. Then she said a careful good bye and put down the receiver--oh so gently.

 

     Brooke leaped up, threw her fists into the air and brought them down. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

 

     Then she sat down, trembling a little with excitement, and made another call. “Southwest Airlines? I want to book the next possible flight to Norville, Ohio. Oh, that’s great.” She gave her credit card number and made the reservation. “I’ll be there. Yes, one-way is just fine…”

Reviews

[Will Neill]

If dialogue is stilted and does not seem natural in a story it can spoil the escence of what the writer is trying to convey, in this case Marie you got it right and gave us all the information through it, well done.
Will

[Marie]

Thank you, Will.

[africa]

This is very relatable. I think most people will connect with your story.

[Marie]

Thank you.

[steve]

That was a clever, cool story with a sweet happy ending. Norville is the place of dreams.

[Marie]

Thanks. Norville is the place of Brooke's dreams, anyway...

[ANTO]

I remember watching a program on TV about acting and one of the most difficult things apparently is acting a phone call and making it seem natural because of the natural flow and 'beats and pauses'. You got it spot on here Marie. I felt like this was the real thing.
I liked the way the main character 'fished' for the info she wanted without making it totally obvious (or so she thought lol - often we think we are being shrewd but are behaving so transparent. What matters is that the info was retrieved.
Super dialogue Marie, a little tale well told.
- Here's to you Miss Robinson.

[Marie]

Thank you. How did you know that Robinson is one of my family names? Did I post it somewhere?

[ANTO]

The name Robison appears in the address bar at the top of the webpage - this is the address of this poem on the WC server - http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/robinson/1562536/

[Symphonic_Sunflowers]

I really enjoyed this! I like how it flowed, and was realistic :)

[Marie]

I'm glad you liked it.

[Samuel Dickens]

So, I guess Brooke, after covertly gleaning the desired information from Pearl, is really excited about Brandon and Denise getting married. Marie, you've forced me to remember more names than those of all my old girlfriends.

[Marie]

This inspiration for this was a song by Gordon Lightfoot (Oh by the way. did she mention my name?"

[Samuel Dickens]

Gordon--yes, I might remember that song. I always liked him.

[PJ Acker]

Marie, I like the flow of conversation, one-sided, that sounds so real to me. It does make a complete little story, but I also agree that it would make an intriguing prologue to a longer story.

I liked it. Good job!

[Marie]

It might, but I don't have the time or the initiative to write it at the moment.

[PJ Acker]

I totally understand that emotion!

[Palakin Stu]

It was ok. The dialogue was real. Im sorry, it just seemed a bit commonplace to me.

[Marie]

Well, it was not meant to be complex.

[M.E.Lyle]

Marie, your ingeniousness shines through on this one. I didn't read your footnote at first and didn't realize it was a phone conversation. I caught on quite quickly though. This would make a great opening chapter to a longer story.

[Marie]

Thanks, Lyle. But this has to be complete by itself.

[M.E.Lyle]

I suppose so.

[Rana]

This was quite an interesting snippet, with a great ending. The way he used "oh by the way" to bring up the matter that mattered the most and pretended it didn't was sweet, and so was the second telephone conversation she makes to book a one-way. A happy tale, narrated in a unique way.

[Marie]

Thank you. I'm glad it made sense.