MURDERERS

A very short horror story. . .

   

 Ripley looked at his large, powerful hands, almost in bewilderment. “Did I do that?” he asked. “Did I strangle her?”

 

Becker laughed.  “Of course you did. That’s how it works, remember? I pick them and you kill them.”

 

“Oh…” Ripley bent over the girl, grieved by the sight of her blonde curls soaking in a rank puddle  Such beauty to be blotted out. Once she had walked, danced, run. Now she was only a corpse in a dark alley.

 

“Come on,” Becker urged. “Let’s get out of here before anybody comes.”

 

 Back in the shabby room they shared Ripley was sunk in depression while Becker was filled with elation. “Our tenth! Let’s have a drink to celebrate.”

 

“I don’t feel like it,” Ripley muttered.

 

“Oh get over yourself.” Becker sounded annoyed. “This is a sweet deal for both of us. I have the fun of picking them out and you have the fun of killing them.”

 

“It’s not fun…” Ripley whispered. And then, more firmly, “It’s not fun. It’s not fun!”

 

Becker was startled into silence. Ripley continued, his voice growing louder. “I hate killing! I’ve always hated killing. And you made me do it. But not again. Not ever again!” His hands closed around Becker’s throat.

 

It should be physiologically impossible for a man to strangle himself to death. But Ripley did it.

Reviews

[Katie2443]

I love your lighter stories as well, but this is really riveting. You do not waste a single word. Every single one adds to the overall desolate mood.

[Mskendra Renee]

Omg this was really good , I was not expecting him to be fighting.. with himself . For suspenseful lol I want more :-)

[Marie]

Thank you. I don't really like to write things like this.

[Mskendra Renee]

Whys that ?

[Marie]

I would rather write light,happy stories.

[marcus]

succinct and powerful! I liked this.
It also leaves part of me wanting more, how did Becker make Ripley help him?

[Marie]

Becker and Ripley were the same person.

[marcus]

ah, of course, it's right there in the last line!

[Rana]

Really gripping, the way the mystery is maintained till the very last word. It was interesting to note that the better of the two was the real person actually and his emotion was so intense that it made him go beyond the bounds, and do the impossible. Thoroughly enjoyed!

[Marie]

Thanks Rana. I'm glad you understood what I was trying to say.

[Samuel Dickens]

Right near the end, I wondered if there might a Sméagol-Gollum thing going on, but didn't really expect it. Great names--Becker and Ripley.

[Marie]

Thanks. I wondered if anyone would pick up on what was really happening; I think you were the only one who did.

[William Richards]

The story definitely captured my attention. There was enough detail to evoke the story but enough psychic distance from too much grizzly detail.

I think you're a better writer than me, so I'm struggling to find advice. The only thing I'd say is perhaps a different form of suicide... strangling oneself would usually lead to passing out and letting go, although you do acknowledge this in the story. Perhaps he could be shaving and slip or be playing with the murder weapon he had used and then turned it on himself?

I thought it was very clever the split personality twist. Excellent story.

[Marie]

Thank you. You're right about the form of suicide. But I decided that would be the most effective way to end the story.

[J. K. Metz]

I think the strangling of oneself works well because it gives it a supernatural edge. The descriptions are wonderful.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

love the twist at the end...the split personality....and the conscience wins.

[Woody]

a great twist. just love it. totally unexpected. takes everybody by surprise. just the way I like them, Marie

[Marie]

I knew you'd like this. You do understand that Ripley and Becker are the same person, don't you? Perhaps I didn't make that clear enough.

[Woody]

of course I got it, marie. and don't you change anything! if a reader doesn't get that, that's their problem.

[SleeplessVolcano]

Aaaahhhhh.....like a Shakesperian tragedy, though the reader would have no sadness for the death of murderers. A short but powerful write!

[Marie]

Thank you.