Ring sting

its about the surprise i had this morning

I awoke with a mild burning,

for the toilet i was yearning,

out of bed with my a*s clenched tight,

just getting there would be a fight.

i waddled down the passageway,

to make the poop that starts the day,

i hurried or it would be to late,

Unfortunately, i knew my fate.

it spewed forth just like hot lava,

destroying my brand new pyjama,

i rushed right in, slammed the door,

i squirted out a little more.

i sat down and dropped the load,

thick and dark, could tar a road,

i felt as though the fires of hell,

fell from my a*s and brought this smell.

after an hour i felt weak, 

could hardly part my lips to speak,

i just managed to reach the roll,

wipe my a*s and flush the bowl.

washed my hands and had a drink,

couldnt breath through my nose - an awful stink,

i was glad that it was done,

but i will keep that feeling in my bum. 

Author's Note

its my first try, dont be mean!

Reviews

[Robbie~xoxo~]

OMG....OMG....OMG!!!
*tears*
I'm laughing my a** off!!! I know it's not ladylike of me, but this just makes me laugh....tickled me pink, you did!...still laughing....whew!

Okay, I have to get my thoughts together for this one....

First of all, the rhythm of this was spot on....second the topic is familiar (we are all human right?) :D
and third of all I felt your pain...seriously, I loved this hilarious, lighthearted piece!

You tagged some funny words to go along with this write..."Romance, love"..what Romance? (I guess yearning for the toilet counts) he he :D :D
Such a hoot! Going in my faves....sounds weird, but that's my sense of humor today. :)

[robing123456]

thanks for the kind words. I will be sure to cook up more crude poems in the future

[Robbie~xoxo~]

I enjoyed reading it....looking forward to the next. :)

[Akashi]

Hmm...

[larryb]

For your first try you did very good..........BUTT.....your subject matter stinks dude :)

[robing123456]

i feel ive made an a*s of myself. i will try clean up.

[larryb]

You already cleaned up I hope :)

[larryb]

My ma always told me .....Son the way to always remember if you put your underwear on right is Yellow in the front and brown in the back :)

[robing123456]

wise words. perhaps a good business idea there...

[larryb]

Sure Multi color underwear ...it might be bigger than the George Foreman Grill

[SydneyLK]

Definitely interesting, very funny and original.
Overall I think it's a good piece. Like Brandon said, the structure and flow are good and I think this definitely gives a good idea of the great things you could do with other less crude subjects. ;)
The only thing I'd like to mention is the double use of "was" in the second line, I think you repeated it, and it didn't seem like it would have been on purpose.

[robing123456]

must have been the rush for the bathroom. thanks.

[Brandon Wilson]

This poem made me laugh at several points, its a bit crude but hey. Overall I think the structure works well and the flow is good, well done

[robing123456]

thanks for the comment. you were my first ever