If Only My Mother Knew

A Story by Kayla Renee

Been hiding this one for years now. Not yet finished.

It’s a funny thing life, we live we die and the next set of the human race takes our spot. I wake up every morning with the daunting task of getting up and going to school. The one thing I used to love is now my worst enemy. Never have I ever woken up with a smile on my face, with a happy thought on my mind. It’s always been said that if you can wake up with a significant other or the thought of one that the difficult things in life would become the simplest. I can assure you I have never felt this way, no valentine’s, no baby’s, no I love you. Being eighteen and having no prior prospects of love I never thought that this would be my outcome, a love that only I could understand, a love that was unconditional, a love that was so secretive not even my best friend could know about and a love that was to a girl. If only my mother knew.

Her eyes glimmered in the sun with the slightest gold tint making her green eyes pop. The freckles that covered the brim of her nose made her quirky in her own way. The ever so curly dark red hair that flowed in the wind and fell down her back gave her the glamor that no one could ever achieve. She was a bombshell, one that every man would like to touch but would never get the chance. The innocent one but with the sex appeal of a modern day actress, a goddess of sorts but humble. She was the one every girl dreamed of being, the one you either hated or loved. My heart let down its guard and let her in. I couldn’t resist the smarts, confidence, mystery, beauty and the pureness of her heart I was drawn into my captor.

I caught myself staring at her often. Watching her lips move as she spoke to me, I learned from her. She had the brains of a doctor but never realized the true potential inside of her. Life was going to offer her so much but I never knew that I was going to get involved so deeply. I found out too far in that this was the one thing that no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t have nor keep. I promised myself I would go to the ends of the world for this girl to make her happy and make her mine. Life is a funny thing; it throws curve balls at you. If you put your mind to the task you can accomplish it right? Not so much in my case. I fell so deeply in love with the one person I can’t have.

I remember the first kiss like it was yesterday. We were lying next to each other staring into one another’s eyes waiting for the other to make the first move. I was slightly touching her neck, arms and hands with the tips of my fingers I could feel her shiver. She said to me, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, might make me do something I don’t want to do.” I couldn’t help but reply, “So why don’t you.” She answered swiftly, “I don’t want to ruin this.” “You won’t.” She looked at me and kissed me so softly and passionately everything became a blur. My heart was beating a thousand miles an hour and I couldn’t control the rush going through my body. I felt the most intense tingle pulse throughout my body, uncontrollably taking over my every sense. My notions of reason were so far gone no matter how much I stretched to get them back, they were out of reach. I knew that the feeling of steamy hot passion was going to overtake me, drop me to my knees and not let me go. I gave up trying to decipher right from wrong and gave into the here and now, the chemistry boiling between us.