Philosophy of the Mailroom

A group of coworkers discuss philosophy and cultural topics at their office. The two main characters are in the office mailroom.

Opening Scene: 

Kyle: “I read a cool blurb online.”  He shows it to Lonnie and says,  “someone asked the question online. How would you complete "Three philosophers walk into a bar"?  

Question: How would you complete "Three philosophers walk into a bar"?

3 Philosophers walk into a bar to postulate in a friendly debate on the ontology of what is a bar? An utilitarian ,an existentialists, and a a stoic

After ordering a round of beers they begin their postulation

The Existentialists states a bar is any place where a person exchanges elixirs for compensation including a barter system. In regression of importance it is elixirs compensation and location. Oddly the exact opposite of why many locals chose the bar. Hence the reality of light-beer and the term “hot spot.”

The utilitarian says it is the Epicurean delight that illustrates the greatest happiness principle where all the participants are willing and the bartender’s pleasure is fair compensation for managing and facilitating said process. The bartender who has been standing on his feet and serving drunks and semi-drunks for 6 hours now seems to take issue with that proposition.

The Stoic, says it is a process to isolate and amplify the hardships of life for the price of a concoction of inebriation of various but limited degrees under the guise of comradery. Hence the phrase “drowning in your sorrows.”

The bartender who is used to hearing talk day in and day out from semi-conscious men whose philosophical bandwidth of “How do I use this process to get laid” says that it will be 3.50 each followed by " I don’t see you three around here often..

To which the existentialists ask “What is the nature of often?”

The bartender realizes when it comes to “small talk” at the bar He is really going to earn his keep with these three.

Kyle: looking at Lonnie and says: “It is going to be one of those days with you isn’t it?  Let’s see what Mario and Julie are doing in the mailroom.” 

About the Play:

I started writing this in 1993 with a woman I was dating at the time.  She wanted to write a romantic play with her boyfriend (me) and I went along but I really wanted to take the play in a really different direction.   

I was much more motivated and moved the needle further in writing and when we broke up she said I could have the play on the idea she wasn’t really going to work on the play.   

I put the play in a box with the green cover that I had for it in 1993 and in 2020 opened it up and read it.  All I did was read it in 2020 and thought. I didn’t write anything, didn't touch anything, just read it and thought about it.  I thought about the characters so much that in my mind I knew them as well as I might a real co-worker.  I thought about conversation topics, locations and other things.  On December 31st 2021 for New Years eve I had a New Years resolution to re-write it and at least get it close to a finished unedited draft by December of 2022.  

She wouldn’t recognize it anymore today if she saw it. I changed the storyline from romance to philosophical discussions.  I left many of the main characters the same but changed their personalities and cat names.   I left Mario and Julie in an office  romance but toned down the story of their romance to more of a backdropped idea as opposed to the centralized theme that it was decades ago. 

The working title was the mailroom.  In the 90’s when I wrote this mailrooms in an office were still a thing.  Today they don’t really exist but I decided to keep the working title, keep Mario and Julie working in a mailroom and try to use it to symbolize the transition between a modern office and an office before we had so much automation.  The discussion of the Chinese room and Marianna getting an AI marketing bot to help her was included for the same reason.  

The topics were loosely based on my prior experiences in the business world.  I work in tech sales and many of my co-workers are either highly educated software developers, system or network admins or other sales people.  However instead of talking about the topics in this play it was more social political issues and culture differences between various countries. 

Most of the people in sales are much more liberal in what they feel comfortable discussing.  I have been part of office discussions on everything from gun control to abortion to social morays.  The tech and developers don’t have the same boundaries but are much deeper and have often read about some of the philosophical topics in this play. 

I tried to meld the two and didn’t include any developers or tech people in the play because in real life they don’t often engage in water-cooler talk due to the nature of their job.   I changed the water cooler to coffee,lunch and cigarettes because the conversations in those situations are elongated as opposed to meeting in the snack place to get water or snacks and leave after a minute or two. 

I did leave the flower discussion in there to leave something in the past as part of the present play along with Julie and Mario’s office romance.   I changed almost all of the dialog with the exception of Mario and Julie’s opening scene where he is making her coffee.  I changed most  of their names and cat names.  I wrote the opening scene by myself in early 1993 and used that as a way to hook my girlfriend into working on the play with me. 

I feel it is much better as it is today than as a romance play, however I do think philosophy is not a widely enjoyed topic and in that way I may have written this more for myself then an audience.  If you do go to the footnotes you will see the topics as presented in the play are superficial when contrasted to the depth of discussion on those topics on the internet.  In the context of the length of a discussion, deep diving isn’t really applicable and I am more interested in teasing the readers with the topic in the hopes they later explore it online like I did years ago. 

I am certainly not a philosophical academic but maybe an armchair enthusiast in the way a lot of football (or baseball / basketball) fans are armchair enthusiasts about their sports.  If you are curious I have a BA in Business Administration and only took one philosophy course in college. 

I just enjoy the topic and thought it would be fun to put into a play as a dialog. I joined various philosophy forums and discussion boards online over the last few decades.  The interesting thing in a philosophy discussion is rarely a debate on the non-academic level and mostly people presenting ideas and having an incredibly civil discourse.  Some of the ideas may be slightly off the mark or others may not agree to it completely but it is much more of a shared experience than a debate.  

I tried to capture that experience loosely in this play which is why the group rarely disagrees with one another and if they do it is so subtle it may not really be seen as a disagreement at all. In editing I feel like I did a pretty good job of doing that.  If you go to a philosophy forum or the like, overall my guess is the largest friction you will see online is a religious person who interjects tension because they are uncomfortable with the topic of philosophy without God attached to it. 

I shared some of it with my wife and she told me it mostly sounded like gibberish and if I wanted people to understand the topics presented I better really beef up the endnotes and footnotes section.  She told me normal people don’t think or speak like my characters did and the terms I presented had no identifiable concept to her on the surface. 

In the opposite breath a person with a masters or doctorate in philosophy may tear my examples apart or see me as simpleton in their field.  That would be a true statement however I am not in their field and if non-formally educated people didn’t find value in the field the field may not have much of an existence at all. 

I have become a master at random elevator conversions.  

If you are academic I value your feedback but probably won’t be rattled if you rip holes in my examples or tell me I over-simplified various topics. By contrast if you are on the other end of the spectrum and these phrases and ideas are gibberish you may hate this idea but my short suggestion is look up each topic online and get a handle on it before diving into that part of the play.  It will take forever to read the play this way but it beats just skipping the words and phrases you don’t understand.  

If you are religious, and for the record  I am not, I will put religious philosophers in the footnotes who are not in the play along with their larger or largest contributions to philosophy.   As a precursor, and you may find this annoying, but philosophy as a topic, doesn’t actually need God in the 21st century.   You can add a God but someone in a discussion  you will have will bring up Occam's Razor (William of Occam was ironically a Catholic theologian) and suggest the idea can still exist in the absence of a God.  I don’t want to say you can’t enjoy philosophy in the arm-chair way that I do but more than trying to reconcile with your belief may put you on a tangent where you are doing more busy work than exploring. 

If you are curious, it is ok if you are not.  I do drink a lot of coffee.  I do not smoke nor have I ever.  I work in tech sales and have a BA in Business Administration. However I did study Sociology for one year before switching majors which regressed my graduation.  I learned what  a social moray was in college and think that topic alone is broad and deep enough to make its own play. 

Many of my co-workers in the past were smokers.  Almost everyone in my office jobs talked about sports and movies, two topics I would engage in for the sake of small talk but found boring. It became an academic exercise to be part of those conversations while holding a position of apathy on those topics. 

I have worked in offices that had mailrooms decades ago but never worked in a mailroom myself.  I certainly had some interesting conversations with mailroom employees before but never about philosophy.  It was usually about life.  LIke Julie and Mario many of them were part time workers who did their job for 4-6 hours in a day and went home.  In that way it probably would have been a cool college job. 

I do enjoy feedback even if negative.  I can be reached at robertlarsonjunior at gmail. Thank you for reading my play.

Characters and Their Cat Names: 

Julie: (Damon)   Mid 20’s and somewhat of a dreamer.  She wants to be a philosopher but realizes with a BA in Philosophy that this goal may not be realistic. Works in the mailroom.  Sometimes Mario calls her Julia as a term of endearment. 

Mario: (Romeo)  Early 30’s in a dead end job that he has had for a long long time.  Still lives with his mother and is a mama’s boy.  Has  a bit of a belly. Gregarious and charismatic  He is Juliana’s boyfriend.  He keeps considering community college and even did one semester before dropping out.  If you had to pin one word to describe him it would be  under-achiever. Works in mailroom 

Kyle;  (Aristotle) Introspective and overly open minded. Thinks there is no such idea as a bad idea and gets contented on that point over and over by the others.  Is a light smoker making him a friend to Mrs. S.  He dropped out of law school and like Juliana has a BA in philosophy.  He took the major because his counselors said it was a good path for law school.  Now he just has a BA and thinks too much.  Oddly he almost never thinks about the legal system.  Works in finance 

Lonnie: (Kurt / but means curt)  A bit too blunt.  Has a healthy pessimism to him which creates a nice contrast to Kyle He is the biggest devil’s advocate of the group and often takes the opposite side just to explore options in their conversations.  Works in sales 

Mrs Carol Stempheyer .  In her 60’s and collects cats.  She names her coworkers after her cats based on their personality.  Nobody knows how many cats she actually has.  Some of her co-workers think she only has a few cats and that maybe some of her cats exist only in her mind.  Works in AP/AR

Marinna: (Simone)  Late 20’s  long dark hair and olive skin.  She is named after Simone de Beauvior who Mrs. Stempheyer read decades ago She works in the marketing department 

April: (Phintias/ Phin for short) Juliana’s best friend.  She got Juliana the job at the company. They went to college together.  More pragmatic than Juliana and often helps Juliana be more reasonable with her future plans.  She has a BA in Business Administration. Works in sales dept

Justin (Napoleon)   Napoleon is his nickname and Justin is his real name.  He is in his early 40’s.  A very driven person who does everything on schedule.  By far the most competitive guy in the office works in sales dept 

Ted mailman (Hermys) Named after Hermes the messenger God.  Ted doesn’t work at the company but delivers the mail.  He works in the downtown area in the business district.  He has seen a lot in his decade plus as a mail carrier.  Small talk is a speciality of his.

Charles:  (no cat name, new employee):  Charles is brand new to the company.  He works for Kyle in finance. He likes American sports.  Football, baseball, basketball.  He doesn’t read philosophy and is not sure relate to Kyle. 

Alice:  (no cat name, new employee) Alice is a cameo.  She is a character in my other play, The Writers Club of Sunset Heights.  You can read it right here on writers café! 

Acts: 

Act 1: Cats Nicknames, Religion and Mythology. 

Act 2: Coffee in the Mailroom,  Mi Amore!

Act 3: Social Morays and Morning Coffee. 

Act 4: A Short Elevator Ride Up. 

Act 5:  Driven by Apathy.

Act 6: Smoke Break talk; The Trolly Problem. 

Act 7: Existence Precedes Essence Even During Coffee Breaks. 

Act 8: Morning Mail Drop.

Act 9: The AI Bot and the Chinese Room Experiment.

Act 10: The Red Rose takes the Elevator Down.

Act 11: The Afternoon Mail Drop.

Act 12 Parting Scene, You cannot step twice into the same stream.

Act 1: Cats Nicknames, Religion and Mythology: 

Location the mailroom.  Ted the mailman has just left. Mario and Julie are sorting mail.  They read who it is addressed to and slide it in the appropriate spot.  Ted has requested that Mario bring him his  mail immediately.  He has an important client whom he is expecting mail from this week.  Mrs. Stempheyer walks in unannounced and starts speaking to the two of them. 

Mrs Stempheyer: : “Did I ever tell you two about my cat Napoleon?” 

Julie: Looking up to see who is talking to her Julie replies, “yea you're proud Napoleon what is he up to?” 

Mrs Stempheyer:  “Well I put food into the food bowl and he races for it.  He is faster than any of the other cats.” 

Mario:  “What does he do when he gets there?” 

Mrs Stempheyer: “He guards it from the other cats until he gets his fill.  He hiss and bats at them and eats.  He doesn't eat much but he won't let the others near "his" food bowl until he is finished.  Then he lets the others eat.”

Julie:  “What do the other cats do when he does this?” 

Mrs Stempheyer:  “Nothing.  They know they will get to eat as soon as Napoleon finishes and they know there is plenty of food.”

Mario: “That is interesting.  We have dogs.  Cats are an enigma to me.   Is that why you call Justin Napoleon because of the similar drive?” 

Ted mail shows up and Mario puts it on the counter.  

Mrs Stempheyer:  “Well can you keep a secret both of you?”    

Mario: “Sure.” 

Julie:  Following Mario’s lead.  “Sure” 

Ted:  Chiming in, “sure.” 

Mrs. Stempheyer:   “Ted what are you saying,sure to?” 

Ted:  “I can keep a secret.”  

Julie:  “Laughing, Ted you don’t actually work here.”  

Ted:  “That is up for debate.  I mean I work for the Postal Service but I also work for all the clients I serve.  Also I have kept more secrets year in and year out from those clients than all of you have accumulated in the last 5 years”….pausing….”combined.” 

Mrs. Stempheyer:  “Convinced but rolling her eyes softly says ok. Julie I did name it after Ted for that reason.”  

Mario:  “And the others, how did they get their names?” 

Mrs. Stempheyer:  “Mario, I think you know why you are Romeo.  Julie is Damon as part of the duo Damon and Phintias-two famous friends in Greek history or Greek mythology.  Fuzzy line considering how back that history went.” 

Julie:  “And the others?” 

Mrs. Stempheyer:  “Kyle is Aristotle because of studies in philosophy and how deep he can be.  Lonnie is Curt because he can be blunt sometimes.  Marianna is Simone after Simone de Beauvior.  Ted is Hermes after the messenger god in Greek Mythology.” 

Mario:  “Phone is ringing one second.” 

Mario: Answering the phone “Yes.  Mama! Yes Mom.  Si.  Si.  Yes mom after work but I may spend some time with Juliana. Si Julianna est mi bonita senorita.  Mom, don't embarrass me.  Yes I will call you after work.”  “You too.  You too.  Ok” he pauses and then whispers “I love you mom.”

Julie:  who is visibly annoyed that Mario said Julie was his beautiful lady, changes the subject by saying, “Mrs. Stempheyer, what is your cat name?” 

Mrs. Stempheyer:  “You could call me Carol.  I think I am Florence after Florence Nightingale.  She may have had more than 60 cats in her lifetime.  I got some adopting to do but I may get close in my lifetime.” 

Mario:  “Mrs. Stemp…I mean Carol..do you know a lot about Greek mythology?” 

Carol:  “I am not sure what is a lot but I know a bit about it.  Why?” 

Ted:  Interrupting.   “Ok I gotta go and really this is what passes for a secret at this office?  That secret on a level of 1-10 was 1 -super tame borderline lame.”  He waves and leaves. 

All three of them laugh at this and wave back at Ted as he exits. 

Mario: “I have a follow up question, why do you think it is Greek mythology and not Greek ancient religion?  More interestingly, what is the difference between a religion and mythology?” 

Mrs Carol Stempheyer: Starts to ponder.."interesting question."

Kyle walks in and smiles at the group.  

Mrs. Stempheyer:  “Hi Aristotle you are just in time.  Mario asked what the difference is between a religion and a mythology?”   

Mario:  Elaborating.  “Carol, noted that Greek god and religion are called mythology as opposed to ancient religion and I asked her what the difference between religion and mythology is?” 

Kyle:  “Before I forget Mario, I need the invoices in the mail drop for today.  Yeah I like that question Mario.  To be fair my background is in philosophy and I am not particularly religious but I do have a proposition that may be good enough to make a future smoke break one day.” 

Julie:  Getting excited at this proposition asks, “which is? “

Kyle:  “a mythology is a religious system that is rejected as valid by the majority of a population or groups of populations whereas a religion is perceived by a group or groups as a valid belief system.” 

Mrs Stempheyer:  “I like that Kyle.  Love your perspective on things.” 

Kyle:  “Looking at Mario, did you just call her Carol?” 

Carol Stempheyer:  Interrupting Mario, “I asked him to.  And you too.  I would prefer Carol as opposed to being perceived as really old, which is implied Mrs. Stempheyer.”  

Kyle: “Ok Carol it is.” 

Mario:  “Getting back on track, but if the criteria is something other than evidence for both religion and mythology what is the differentiator in terms of validity between the two?  Is it faith alone or deeper than that?” 

Kyle:  “You Got me.  Let me write that down and let's talk about it next week over lunch or cigarettes.  That is a longer discussion than either of us have time for now.”  

Mario:  “Done. I got a lunch topic for next week. I am pretty sure Julie and I both want to be part of this.”  He hands Kyle the invoices.  

Carol Stempheyer:  “A smokeless smoke break.”  Referring to Mario. 

They all chuckle.  Kyle and Carol exit leaving Julie and Mario once again alone. 

Julie:  Lowering her voice to preserve their office secret  she looks at Mario with sombering eyes and asks, “can I ask you a question?” 

Mario: “Sure.”  He says this as quietly as she asked her question.   

Julie:  “Why is it hard for you to tell your mother that you love her on the telephone?” 

Mario: “I don't know.” 

Julie: “Can I throw out a theory?” 

Mario:  “Um yea,sure.” 

Julie: “You have a hard time saying it because you don't want to come across as an el nino de Mama.” 

Mario:  “Well...I mean I am 30 Julie.”

Julia:  “I can appreciate that.   Do you have a move out plan?”

Mario:  “I have some ideas but nothing concrete.”  

Julie:  Switching topics.  “Are you coming over on Friday night?” 

Mario:  Asking, “I can’t tonight?” 

Julie:  “I have classes until 7, get home at 8 and study till about 10:30.  Tonight is not good.” 

Mario:  “I wish you weren't so busy with school.  Don't let life get too much in the way of life Julie.” 

Julie:  “School is fleeting.  I have less than a year left and then my late night study sessions will be in my rear-view mirror.” 

Mario:  “How fleeting the chapters in our life always seem to be.”  Holding up 2 letters he says, “I have to run this up stairs.  One is for Justin and the other Marianna.”

Julie: “Ok, I will hold things down here.”  There is an ever-so-slight tinge of sarcasm in her ok.

Mario:  “Write down our new topic for a lunch talk next week!”   

Julie:  “Oh good call.”  

She grabs a pen and writes on a tablet as Mario exits towards the elevator with Ted’s mail.  The curtains descend and the stage grows dark. 

Act 2: Coffee in the Mailroom,  Mi Amore!: 

8 AM.  About 30 minutes before the early workers start to arrive.  The hallways are empty.  The automated lights click on at 8 predicting the employees arrival.  The only movement on the first room comes from a small almost cubby hole on the right.  It is the mailroom where the first 2 employees of the day are starting to sort and organize. 2 people are in the mailroom. The mailroom smells like coffee 

Mario:  singing, “Juliana mi amore” 

Julie: Que?”  

Mario:  “Your coffee is ready.”  

Julie:  “Cream and sugar.” 

Mario:  “The cream is in your coffee and the sugar is on my lips.” 

Julie:  “I don’t kiss in the office”  She says this while ducking his kiss. 

Mario:  Kissing air where Julie stood before ducking him. He says “then all I have is the memory of our last kiss  to get me through this day.” 

Julie:  Rolling her eyes:  “Your being dramatic is more an appeal to our disposition and less a romantic gesture to me.” 

Mario holding his heart with two hands passes her coffee.  A smile on his face says nothing.  

Julie hangs on to her thoughts waiting for him to speak while accepting the coffee.  When he says nothing she continues past him to the counter forgetting what she wanted to say and instead adds more cream to her coffee slightly bending over the counter.  

A few seconds later without turning around she says “Mario stop looking at my a*s.”

Mrs Stempelmeyer enters the breakroom and says “I am not smoking.”  She says this often at work in an effort to stop smoking by announcing it to a group thus holding herself accountable. 

Julie:  “Coffee?” 

Mrs. Stempelmeyer:  “Sure.  Can you two get my mail for me?” At this point she realizes by saying not smoking she really needs a cigarette.  Looking at Mario, who does not smoke, she asks  “do you have a cigarette I can borrow?” 

Mario:   “I am fresh out of smokes Mrs. Stempelmeyer.”  

Mrs Stempelmeyer:  “Ahh�"maybe I can ask one of the guys on the second floor?  I wish the elevator was not so slow.”  She leaves in search of a smoke. 

Julie: Looking at Mario:  “What did your mother make us today?”  

Mario:  “Pazole.  It is a family recipe and she told me she would let me in on her secret last year.  Actually she has offered up the recipe to me only if I keep it secret for the last 5 or 6 years.  I know it is written down somewhere.  I probably will get it in her will.” 

Julie:  “Oh the benefits of being an only child. El nino de mama.” 

Mario: visibility annoyed at the comment defers the topic by saying “what did Ted say to you yesterday?” 

Julie:  “Oddly he said routine is life and happenstance is the non routine events in between.” 

Mario:  “Deep guy for a mail carrier.”  

Julie:  “All he does is drive all day alone in his thoughts.  Mail carriers should have a forum where they anonymously log in their day to day driving thoughts for others to read.”

Justin enters the mailroom.  It is 8:10.  Always the first employee other than the mailroom crew that leaves at 4 PM each day.  He snaps his fingers and points at Mario without saying a word and a smile on his face. 

Mario without speaking smiles back and hands him his mail. 

Mario:  Looking at Justin, “Mrs Stempmeyer is looking for smokes.  I told her I was out.”  

Justin: “Cool I can give her a smoke after checking my email.”  

Julie:  “Mail and email.  The past and the present.  How much longer do you think Mario and I will work the mailroom?” 

Justin:  “I am not sure. We do get a lot of physical mail.  Enough where many of us have our own mailboxes.  You two do have an odd job though.  It is kinda like watching Mrs. Stempmeyer work on a document on her Corona typewriter next to her laptop.”   

Mario:  “Maybe some things exist for the sake of tradition?”  

Julie:  While mentally tinkering with Ted’s statement about routine….”A routine of tradition that is waiting to be morphed into past existence by happenstance.”  

Justin:  “What?” looking confused 

Mario looking at Julie at that comment says nothing.  

Justin nods even though he doesn’t understand and exits to go back to the elevator. 

He passes Kyle and Lonnie who poke their heads into the mailroom first thing in the morning. 

Klye:  “Just wanted to say good morning to you two!  I got an email that I want to show you for later next week.” 

Lonnie:  Rolling his eyes. “ It is called Three Philosophers Walk into a Bar.” 

Julie:  “Smiling, Oh!  It is going to be one of those days again!”

Lonnie nods to Julie in agreement. 

The curtains close slowly, much slower than the play opens as it nears time for most of the staff to arrive.  Welcome to The Philosophy of the Mailroom! 

Act 3: Social Morays and Morning Coffee: 

Opening scene:  Carol Stempheyer is at the coffee machine in the break room. Marianne and  April walk into the break room and patiently wait for Carol to get her  coffee.  Carol has an empty cigarette pack in her hand indicating she is out of smokes.  She turns to the two ladies smiling and begins to speak. 

Mrs. Stempheyer:  “Simone and Phin!   It  is nice to see you two in the morning.”  

April:  “Nice to see you too Mrs. Stempheyer  How do you always beat us to the coffee machine?” She is laughing as she says this. 

Mrs. Stempheyer:  “Well I am not sure.  You two always come in as a group so that might help me.  I don’t have to wait for a buddy.”

Mario and Julia  enter the  room.   

Mrs. Stempheyer:: “Romeo and Damon �"HI !  She says this emphatically.” 

Mario:  “Good morning Mrs. Stempheyer.”   

 Julie: Beaming to see April and  Mariana says “Hey I need to ask you two questions from my sociology class.”  

Mariana:   “Ok let's talk!” 

Julie: “You know what a social moray is right?”  

April and Marianna as well as Mario nod yes in response to the question. 

Julie: “Ok great!   Here is  the question.   The proposal in my class last night was that social morays have various degrees of cultural support as opposed to absolutes in terms of something being a social moray or not being one.  I am expected to either defend that statement or refute it by next Monday in an essay.    Thoughts?”  

April: Laughing “I think this is way too heavy for 8:15  in the morning.”   

Marianna: “But here we are so here we go!  Well I think they are tiered by government interaction and social consequences.”

Julie:  “How so?” 

Marianna:   “Bribery and stealing are two social morays that have criminal consequences.  However adultery and gossiping do not.  In addition those even had degrees within them.  For instance, stealing thousands of dollars is seen as more extreme in the perception of the legal system compared to 20 dollars.   A one time affair is seen as less of an issue than a string of affairs over a number of years.”  

Mario: Getting his coffee black with sugar.  “Interesting.  In my culture we have a thing called a quinceanera.  It is for girls at age 15 much like the anglo sweet 16 tradition but much more serious.  While an anglo girl and or her family can skip over the sweet 16 party a latin girl skipping out of or diminishing her quinceanera can have stronger social consequences.  In that way a similar event is tried by ethnic culture in terms of importance segmented by the culture of anglo vs hispanic.” 

Julie: Furiously typing this into her phone.  “On that note am I cheating by making this coffee talk on my paper instead of doing this on my own.” 

Mrs. Stempheyer:   “On the contrary.   If the school's goal is for you to learn about social morays you are actually going above and beyond by exploring the topic by your coworkers.”  

Mariana laughs at that statement.

 April: pauses and asks “so does anyone think a social moray can be an absolute?”   

Kyle:  Walks in and says awesome social morays and before 8 30.”That seems like a Juliana concoction.”    Julie blushes, giving away her involvement.  And mouths guilty to Kyle. 

Kyle: “Because social morays are tied to context and degrees of severity I think it would be hard to find a solid example of it being an absolute.”   

Lonnie:  who walked in 2 minutes ago is waiting for coffee and hears Kyle's thoughts. He  interjects.  “Well say you show up to a funeral in a shirt and flip flops �"all hell actually barefoot no shirt and cut off jean shorts?” 

Mariana: “Sure I mean maybe you flew in and the airline lost your luggage but barring that you showing up showing off your chest tattoo and mis-matched painted toe nails might be a great example of an absolute.”  

Julie:  “Well this is perplexing.  I thought I had an easy lay up for my essay and then Lonnie walked in.   Way to go dude.  Not like I need sleep this week.” .  

Lonnie:  Tipping an invisible hat says “Yes mam”

Mrs. Stempheyer:  Looking at Lonnie and Kyle.  “You two Kurt and Aristotle.  Are social morays applicable to the office?” 

Kyle:  “Sure. You have to put in 40 hours of work and show up on time.  We have a dress code and dating cow workers Mario and Juliana steal a glance at this point isn’t verboten but is frowned upon.”   

Lonnie:  “Yeah I mean some of it will get you written up and some of it will get you the evil eye.   In the sales department contacting each other’s prospects is a no-no but not a fireable offense.  Swearing is highly frowned upon whereas at a sporting event it is normal in many circumstances.” 

Mrs. Stempheyer:  “Geez, well I think my cat colony has social moray’s too.  I mean they each have their favorite spaces, cuddle times and no using the kitty litter if another cat is in the box.  I mean those are cat laws but Morays right?” 

Julie:  “Um, I think my paper is limited to humans but it's an interesting thought…..”

Mario:  Sipping his coffee.  “Almost 8 30 lets man our battle stations and begin the day!” 

Julie:   “We work in the mailroom Mario �"I am thinking we don’t actually compete with anyone and therefore we don’t actually have a battle station.”   

Mario:  “Good point.”  He then mouths sweetie at her in a silly attempt to quasi  conceal their office romance in light of Kyle's statement on office romances.   

Everyone has gotten their coffee from the 4 large coffee canisters.  The conversations continue but the dialog dims as if in the background.  Some of them are, as Mario puts it, leaving for their battle stations and others are still interacting with Julie. The curtain closes and it is time to start another productive day at the office.

Act 4: A Short Elevator Ride Up: 

Mario presses the up button and waits.  He softly hums to himself a letter in his right hand.  The elevator door to the ground floor opens and he walks in pressing floor 4. 

At floor 2 the light bings and the elevator stops.  The door opens and Kyle walks in smiling at Mario.  

Kyle:  “Hey Mario.”

Mario: “Hey.” 

Kyle:  “What you got there?” 

The elevator starts to ascend to the 4th floor.  

Mario:  “It is mail for Justin.  He is expecting an important letter from a client who doesn’t use email.  He told me for the next few days if I get anything addressed to him that I should bring it up immediately.” 

Kyle:  Laughing at the idea.  “Sounds like job security Mario.” 

Mario:  Scoffs.  “Yeah Justin is wound a bit tight but from my understanding he brings in a healthy paycheck.  Better than most.”

Kyle: “ I am in finance.  He actually gets paid more than much of upper management.  A few years back they nicknamed him the conqueror for the amount of business he brought in.  Oddly, that was about the time that Mrs. Stempheyer started calling him Napoleon.”  

The elevator stops on the 4th floor and they both get off.  Mario taps Kyle’s arm

Mario:  “Can I ask you a question Kyle??

Kyle:  “Sure of course.” 

Mario: “ Why does she give us all those nicknames?  Where does she get those names from?” 

Kyle:  “She adopts cats from the shelter.  When she doesn’t know what to name them she thinks of a nickname for one of us and names the cat that name.  After that day she starts to call us the cat’s name that is named after something in our personality.” 

Mario:  “So by calling my Romeo you think she knows Julie and I are dating?” 

Kyle:  Nodding, “she knows.” 

Mario:  “Why does she call Julie Damon?”  

Kyle:  “She told me once over a cigarette.  It is for Damon and Phintias.  In Greek legend they were two in the legends who had an unbreakable bond, a friendship so deep they were willing to sacrifice themselves for one another.    I haven’t read it but it is in the story called Cicero in De Officiis.  I should read it sometime.”

Mario:  “Interesting. Phin is April in this case?”  Kyle nods to affirm this.   “She calls you Aristotle and Lonnie Kurt?” 

Kyle:  “She feels I think too much hence my name.  For Lonnie she feels he is a bit too blunt.  It is actually curt as in blunt/ to the point.” 

Mario:  “What about Marianna being called Watts?” 

Kyle:  “After the spiritual philosopher Alan Watts.”  

Mario:  “Thanks for the chat I better get this to” ….he pauses…”to Napoleon before he gets upset at me knowing I had this letter too long.  But real quick if you had a nickname for Mrs. Stempheyer what would it be?” 

Kyle:  “It would be Rand.  After Bertha Rand.  She was labeled a crazy cat lady but in Mrs. Stempheyer it would be more of an articulation of admiration.  Her admiration of felines is worth a lot to me.” 

Mario:  “To me too.  Hmm..Rand we may have to play that card sometime later this month.   He waves to Kyle and they both go their own separate ways.”  

Mario hands the letter to Justin who nods in appreciation to Mario.  He then opens the stairs and walks down.  It is a Mario thing.  To take the elevator up and the stairs down. 

As the door closes the curtains close too.  Office chatter can be heard on the floor as workers go about their productive day which parallels every other day.

Act 5: Driven by Apathy:  

Lunchroom at lunch time.  Small round tables strategically populate the lunch room.  An L shaped counter has condiments, silverware napkins and a soda fountain. A small sign held in a napkin holder sits on the counter.  It says smile. Sharing a meal is fun.  

April and Julie are sitting together in the lunchroom. Lonnie comes by and looks at the empty seat.  Juliana points to the seat with eyes asking him to sit without saying a word.  

Lonnie: looking at Julie:  “Where is Mario?”  

Julie:  “He is out with Kyle during Kyle's smoke break.”  

April:  “I wonder why Kyle takes his smoke before a meal instead of after?  Actually I wonder why Mario goes with him as a non-smoker?” 

Lonnie and Julie shrug in unions as Justin grabs a seat.  He unlike Lonnie does not ask permission he just sits.  Kyle, Mario and Marinna come up behind Justin and sit.  

Mario:  Jokes to the group:  “Picked up a couple  hitch-hikers” pointing to Marinna and Kyle. 

April: Opens up “ok on our topic of not speaking about celebrities or politics at the lunch table. What is our” she pauses and does a drum roll,  “topic for today?” 

Lonnie:  “Driven by apathy�"my favorite juxtaposition!” 

April and Juliana: In union “What?!?” 

Lonnie:  “Driven by apathy�"an idea of being passionate about doing what you need to do with nothing more and nothing less.” 

 Marianna: “I love it!  Great topic Lonnie.  Ok I guess I know the drill and find a practical example.” 

Justin: Rolls his eyes in the selection today and says “you can change the word apathy to lazy and not change the meaning in a work context.”  

Kyle:  “How so?”  He says this in an inquisitive voice as opposed to challenging Justin. 

Justin:  “Well you're only as good as the work you put out to your employer.  In terms of human capital being constantly brushed against the candidates in their HRIS system as well as their peers.  Apathy at work equals marginal performance and is not that valuable.”

Mariana:  “Why would a topic like this immediately be seen as a work topic?  We all have a personal workflow of various projects.  Maybe �"maybe it has more to do with people who have a lot of projects on their plates where they do enough to keep each project afloat based on its importance.” 

Kyle: “My sandwich tastes like cigarettes!”  Mariana rolls her eyes at Kyle. 

Julie: “Wait !  Too much too fast.  What are we calling driven by apathy? Let's define it and reach some common,” pauses and look for the best word, “common idea on what this phrase means. “

Mario: “Driven to do just enough.  Like in my schooling.  I did just enough school to get a job to live comfortably and nothing more.”  

Lonnie:  “That was the context I was thinking of.” 

Julie:  Looks at everyone scanning for descent and finds none, “ok game on!”

April:  “My college may have been like that.  I have a BA in Business Administration.  It is an ala carte of various business disciplines but not a deep dive into any of them.  A bit of marketing, a bit of finance, a bit of Account but not too much of any.  All surface area exposure but not a deep dive into any of it.   Many of my coworkers too that degree for practicality and flexibility but not a passion for any one business discipline�"more for maneuverability in the spirit of “just enough”  

Mariana:  “Huh?  Interesting.”  

April:  “That is it?  Interesting?”  

Mariana:  “Yeah the idea of surface level understanding of something just enough to function and spreading your wingspan to accommodate multiple disciplines and have some value but not be the subject matter expert.”

Julie:  “Stoicism has an interesting take on it.  A, detachment from path�".  The idea that”,she pauses, “sorry path�" is the greek word for passion.  They called it apatheia.  It is indifference to your passions.” 

Lonnie:  “What is a practical use of that?”  He takes a bite of his sandwich after asking the question.  

Kyle: “I know a number of people who are on antidepressants or so consumed by world events because they are too passionate.  Knowing when to include themselves in a situation or when it is smarter to sit it out because they cannot impact it very much is important.” 

Marianna:  “That and the idea of being so competitive that you forget to cooperate.  A lot of our sales team are like that.  They are so consumed with winning that they don’t take a pause to appreciate what synergy could do for their efforts.”  

 Julie: “Oh that “this is the game of your life” mentality.  I never got that idea.”

Justin:  “Julie, you work in the mailroom. I have that inner fire to win on the sales floor because it gives me the ability to create the benchmarks for how bonuses are distributed with me at the top.  He opens his cell phone and shows everyone  a picture of his trophy for Top Producer Last Year.”

Mario in a sly manner bushes his hand over Julie’s butt to quietly  symbolize he gets way more sex than Justin despite his smaller paycheck.  Julie, as if reading his mind, pushes his hand away trying to be as discreet as he was. 

Kyle:  “To go sideways on this Nihilism has an interesting take on Apathy and 

Drive.  By stipulating a need to find values, which could be seen as benchmarks, one has the aptitude to the set boundaries within their”….

Justin:  Cutting off Kyle “we call those people losers in the sales department.” 

April: “ I took an intro to Japanese and they had a similar word for that.  Chūdō

It is the idea of a middle way or “just enough.” 

Julie: “ Like eating.  You should eat just enough to function after your meal.  Or pausing..sort of like you have 3-4 important  things to do with your day. If you tunnel vision on 1 you impede on the progress of the others.”  

Klye:  “That is an interesting idea.    Maybe  Chūdō, that is our topic of our next lunch?”

Mario:  “Lonnie, why is the phrase driven by apathy your favorite juxtaposition?”

Lonnie:  “Glad you asked me that.  It is because I think everyone has a finite amount of time in their day and if everyone went all out on any one thing the rest of our things for that day would be rushed, neglected or skipped.”  Driven by apathy makes sense on some things because time is finite.” 

Justin:  “Are you relating driven by apathy to opportunity costs?” 

Lonnie:  “Yes, we  have degrees of effort for various things.  Our effort on all things is not uniform.  The ones of lesser importance may make the threshold of being driven by apathy.” 

Julie:  “I love that!  Speaking of driving by apathy, I have hardly touched my food listening to this but we all have to eat!” 

The group continues their dialog on Lonnie’s favorite juxtaposition but more eating this time then talking.  The curtain closes on their dialog muffling their voices until their voices are gone.  

Act 6: Smoke Break talk; The Trolly Problem:  

The group is out back for a quick smoke break.  Unlike the morning break they don’t have an agenda for discussion.  It is more loose and often is “what are you doing with your weekend talk.”  April, Julie, Marianna Kyle Lonie and Mario are standing around. Justin is not at this smoke break.  Mario is the only one not smoking.  He doesn’t like the smoke but loves the 10 minutes of interaction. 

April:  Speaking to the group- “Jason and Karen were let go today.” 

Mario:  “What for?”  

Marianna:  “Rumor is that there are repeated performance reviews.” 

Kyle: “Tossing his cigarette in the trash it is real life example of the Trolley problem from Utilitarianism.” 

Lonnie:  “Oh yeah the Greatest Happiness”……. He is looking for the right word but can’t remember it. 

Kyle: “Principle.  Right the philosophy that championed the Greatest Happiness Principle idea.” 

Mario: With a pensive look on his face, “how does that tie into Jason and Karen?”

Kyle:  “So, the fit is not perfect but let’s call it tangent. . All of this has aspects of a square peg in a round hole but loose idea is this.  Our company has performance metrics that have to be submitted to the board in order to get funding.  The investors and our revenue contribute to our operating budget which includes payroll.”  

“In exchange the investors and management have produced performance metrics that align with our salaries and expectations.  If employees perform below those benchmarks for an extended period of time they financially damage the company where their contributions equals much less than salary.”

Lonnie:  “So tie that to the trolley problem?” 

Carol Stempheyer later the party walks up to the group. 

Mrs Stempheyer  “Aristotle, do you have a smoke?”  

Kyle:  “Yes of course.”  Smiling while handing it to her

Mrs. Stempheyer:  “Phin what were you saying when I came up?” 

April:  “Jason and Karen were let go today.   Rumor is that it was performance related.”  

Mrs. Stempheyer:  “Oh performance.  Such a perfect word.  We are all just actors at work and then we change costumes on our way home.  In that way life is a play where we change costumes as the scenes change.  I am sorry about Jason and Karen. May their next act in their next play be more rewarding than this one was.”  

Marianna:   “That is interesting Mrs. Stempheyer.   “On a side note, why do you call me Simone?”

Mrs. Stempheyer (Lying) “because you are always electrifying my dear.  So full of energy. Just like my cat Simone.” 

Marianna:  Nods as if satisfied but she never really is.  She is side tracked by the Trolley Problem that Kyle brought up.   The group continues their dialog. 

Lonnie:  Pipes back up:  “Ok tie their termination to the Trolley problem?” 

Kyle:  “Yeah sure again square peg round hole but in the Trolley problem a train is going down a track.  5 people are on the tracks in front of the train unable to leave.  An engineer has access to the switch that can switch the tracks and save the 5 however on the alternate tracks is one person who cannot get off the tracks.  The Trolley problem is do you switch the tracks to save the 5 at the demise of the 1 or do you let the train proceed killing the 5 and of course sparing the 1?” 

Marianna:  “Ok so you are saying that Jason and Karen by performing under their base salary and hurting profits were the 1 on the tracks and they were “sacrificed to preserve the performance and funcability of the rest of the company?” 

Kyle:  “Yes from the business slash HR perspective.  And most businesses do this.  They do not call it the Trolley problem obviously but you can see the overlap.” 

April:  “Huh.  You know it is like when my older 21 year old brother was kicked out of my parents house because of heroin use.  He was stealing from the family and bringing trouble over in terms of others addicts and police.  My dad decided to kick his son out because he didn’t want to risk his family.  I mean some of it was selfish but some of it may have been sacrificing one to save his family of three.   I didn’t agree with the decision but saw my father’s perspective.” 

Kyle:  “Yeah that is the idea�"the pure Trolley problem may not exist in real life or maybe but seldom. However, abstractions of it appear now and again in life.”

 

Mario:  “April I am sorry about your brother.  How is he doing?” 

April:  “I don’t know.  I haven’t heard from him in close to a year.  I worry about him a lot.” 

Lonnie:  “Kyle what do you think of the trolley problem in relation to Karen and Jason?”

Kyle:  “It is not absolute and I don’t have all the information.  I know they work in sales and they each have about the same base salary.  In theory they have to sell XYZ amount to cover that base.  They get a ramp up time and the company is in the hole for that ramp up but at some point they have to hit a threshold to break even after the ramp up time.  The interesting thing is in my time in finance at various companies the ramp up time varies and the amount of performance beneath the threshold varies from organization to organization.  It gets very subjective based on various factors.” 

“I didn’t follow Karen or Jason’s numbers but I can tell you I had not paid either of them a bonus in over a year which means they were either at the threshold to cover their base or below it.  It really comes down to, in that 12 month plus stretch how far were they from hitting the threshold to cover their base salary?  I have no idea because I am in finance.  I can only attest I didn’t pay them bonuses in 12 months plus.” 

Lonnie:  “Their quota has to cover support functions like yours and Mariannas.”

Kyle:  “Yeah sure but the support positions are amortized over the whole company.  For instance Marianna is the and only one person in marketing so her marketing salary is spread across the whole sales team in exchange for the collateral, branding and lead generation she does for the sales team as a whole.”

Mrs. Stempheyer:  “Can we have another example of the trolley problem?  This is actually interesting.”  

April:  “Kyle?  It feels like this is your spur-of-the-break idea?” 

Kyle: “Yeah sure..he pauses to think.  The military during war.   So you have an infantry unit that needs to secure an elevated position to mount artillery to shell an antagonistic position on the horizon.   A general and his captains, or whatever they are called…the leadership are making the decision of attempting to take the hill to get the premium artillery position.  If they predict they will win the hill the next question comes at what cost.”

“How many infantrymen will they lose to take the hill in exchange for getting the hill and premium artillery position.  They obviously don’t have the neat 5 and 1 numbers that are the trolly problem but they can estimate the number of losses and measure that against the future gains of shelling the enemy forces from a great position vs preserving all of their foot soldiers and having a diminished impact from artillery at a less valuable position.” 

Marianna:  “Oh that is so dark Kyle.  Yikes.  How about a poker player playing with a 5 card draw hand.  He sees the pot and not the other four players.  Using chips instead of people and by evaluating his hand he makes a decision on if he will sacrifice his ante chip or risk more chips in exchange for a bigger reward.“

Lonnie:   “Oh that is interesting. These discussions are much more fun when it is a square peg in a round hole.”

Kyle: “So what do you think will happen to Karen and Jason?”  

April:  “Karen had her foot out the door for a while.  My guess is she finds a job that will be a better fit then this one was for her.” 

Lonnie: “Jason may have been looking but he has some soul searching to do.  He was really weak on negotiations, follow-up and prospecting.  He probably has to sit down and think if another sales job is for him or if he needs to consider a new direction.”

April:  “Yeah I think Lonnie is correct with Jason’s situation.” 

Mrs. Stempheyer:  “I can’t wait to retire.  I don’t like thinking about the change that comes with companies, industries and the like.  I have about 8 more  years here I think.  Thank you for putting me on the email chains for your philosophy discussions.  These were really not topics in my education.  It is interesting to see these perspectives in my older age.” 

Marianna:  “We like having you as part of these discussions.” 

Lonnie:  “Looking at his watch,  the break is over time to all be productive employees.” 

The curtain closes again.  The staff can be seen walking across the grass for a moment while the curtain eclipses them from our vision.  Only the birds chirping can be heard after a few seconds when the curtain is closed. 

Act 7: Existence Precedes Essence Even During Coffee Breaks:  

The smoke areas have the usuals in it.  Kyle, Lonnie, April, Marianna, Justin, Mrs. Stempheyer and Julie joined the group today.   Mrs Stempheyer is already looking for someone to bum a cigarette off of.  Neither Julie or Mario smoke and Mario joins the group to be social.  However today an email circulated stated the topic for today’s smoke break is Existence precedes essence.  Julie was so excited that Mario decided to stay in the mailroom and let Julia field this smoke break.  

There is a slight overcast in the air with the sun opaque behind the clouds.  A chary breeze gently cajoles the leaves in the oak and maple trees to dance a soft dance that seems to match the Piano Jazz that is in the lobby and elevator.  

Mrs. Stempheyer:  “Curt,  do you have an extra one?” 

Lonnie:  “Of course here you go.”  He lights it for her. 

April:  “The topic for today is existence precedes essence.“

Mrs. Stempheyer:  “Phin, where did that topic come from?” 

April:  “It was Julie’s. She added it to our cig discussion email a while back and today is the day for that topic!”

 Mrs. Stempheyer: “Damon, you kids talk about the darndest things these days.  I would have expected this topic from Simone.  She looks at Marianna while saytiung this.  Marianna shrugs her body language saying “not me”. 

Julie:  “Ok I take it you read the email on J.P. Sartre’s thoughts on the topic.  Who is giving a  definition that we can agree on or reject?” 

Marianna: “Things or humans first exist in the world and then have a say on their essence.” 

April:  “Ok, man exists but has the ability to shape his essence.  It is an antithesis of our conversation from a couple months back on determinism and fatalism.” 

Julie:  “Who has some examples?” 

Kyle:  “You are standing in the rain.  You are wet but the essence of you being wet can be miserable, elated, indifferent or slightly annoyed.” 

Lonnie:  “I like it! But I think the rain being cold or warm may jade  your answer.”  

Kyle:  “True.” 

Marianna: “Maybe someone decides to be a writer, or a painter.  He doesn’t publish any works for a long time nor does he hang a painting in a public place.  He perceives himself as a writer/ painter long before the public does and if the public accepts his perception they too define part of his essence as a writer and or painter.  However the man’s self essence is much sooner than the public’s acceptance of that perception.” 

Lonnie: “That is clever Marianna. Who has an example from our work?” 

Julie:  “Justin is the hardest work rep in the sales department.  All of the sales reps exist in the company to sell but Justin’s essence is to make one more call, answer one more email, show up a tad earlier and stretch which gives him larger sales numbers then many of the other reps month over month.  There is some luck but his drive, the essence of his drive, gives him a slight advantage.” 

Justin:Smiling says, “thank you Julie.” “ I think often the cars we choose are an extension of our essence.  For example Lonnie has a truck and Marianna has a smartcar.  Neither is practical or impractical given how close both of them are to the office but perhaps the essence of  Lonnie’s is a presentation of his manhood (looks at Lonnie to make sure he is ok with that thought and turns out Lonnie is) and Marianna’s is an expression of her minimalism thought process.” 

Mrs Stempheyer:  “Wow Napoleon, that is interesting.”  

Julie:  “I don’t think Sartre was going where Justin went but the sentiment is interesting.” 

Mrs Stempheyer: finishing her cigarette and says “Aristotle you have been quiet so far.  Do you have a cigarette for me and a thought on this discussion?”

Kyle:  Handing Mrs. Stempheyer a cigarette and lighting for her as he ponders the question then reaching deep back into his memory says, “yeah I remember reading Satre in college and I felt that due to everything from societal constraints to birthplace to other factors that are beyond our control that determinism made much more sense.  But I do think we do have some maneuverability within narrow constraints.” 

“Applying that to my job I have to balance the books, AR/AP stuff but at some point I have a discretionary budget of money to spend each quarter.  My recommendations to the executive committee each quarter is an expression to my essence and its relationship to my life here at the office.  They don’t always take my recommendations but it reflects on my essence as an employee. It also certainly impacts the essence of the employees in other departments.” 

Mrs. Stempheyer: “Damon what do you think of that?  Aristotle’s comment on determinism and existentialism?”

Julie:  “It is tough. I like the idea of determinism and I can’t ignore, as Kyle put it that where you were born,  even your zip code in the USA, your biological make-up and your life circumstance impact so much of what you become but in the same breath, within those experiences we each have some maneuverability on what we do or become.  I think happenstance is much of our existence but we have the ability to maneuver within our circumstances and environment no matter how small that movement is.” 

Lonnie: “Hmm that is a lot. I got a good one in a conversation with my brother a while back.  He stated that Amazon was a mall that exports as opposed to imports.  Many of the same things  you see in a traditional mall but instead of people going to the mall the mall goes to them.” 

April: “ Well this was fun.  I think our 15 minutes are almost up.  About time to get back to our grind.” 

Justin:  “Good topic Julie.  You will have to que in for another topic sometime for a smoke break.” 

The group finishes their coffee and the curtains close. Some final slurps can be heard behind closed curtains but nobody can be seen. Coffee break is over.

Act 8: Morning Mail Drop: 

Mail Drop Time:  1 PM and Ted, like clockwork walks through the door with the office mail.  His uniform is the same everyday, matching the uniformity of his schedule.   In some ways his day is a process with almost no deviations or exceptions. He smiles upon seeing Mario and Julie 

Mario: Speaking to Julie  “All the time.  She just borrows cigarettes all day long. I wonder why she thinks I smoke and what she gets from borrowing a cig besides the actual cigarette?”  

Ted: “Can I ask you two a question?” 

Julie:” Sure.” 

Ted: Unloading the mail, “why does she call me Hermes.”

Julie: “It is after her cat Hermes  Cause you are always punctually here at 1 p.m.” 

Ted: “Oh a federal job that will do it to you.  Everyday is the same as the last.  Has been for 15 years.  Sometimes days just seem to blur together.  I feel like I just started last year.” 

Mario: “Who are some of the more interesting people you deliver mail to?”

Ted:  “Anybody I can converse with actually.  Including you two.  He says this and puts the rest of their mail on the maildesk.”

Julie: “How so?”  

 Ted: “I am a mailman. A federal employee in a mundane job.  I show-up to every business at the same time day in day out week in week out year in year out. It makes me invisible to most.  Some of my clients, whom I have seen everyday for years and years, well  I couldn't tell you two things about them.  I see them everyday but I don't know them any better than I do the stranger in the grocery store.”  

Mario: “You can't start conversations with them?”

Ted: “I could but I learned early on that it wasn't received well by many.  I usually wait for someone to say something to me first.  It is safer that way.”

Julie: “How sad. Making someone feel special or different for even just a moment in time is what makes each day unique.”

Ted: “Yea and people who learn to do that in their own way can achieve great things even if for only a little span of time.”

Ted:  “Oh.  Well I work for the federal government.  There are thousands all over the USA just like me.  I am hardly unique in this uniform performing this job in uniformity.  Speaking to you gives me a slight hint of color in a monochrome day-to-day existence.” 

Mario:  “Hey Ted, I have been meaning to ask you.  We figure you are in a jeep all day and have a lot of alone time thoughts.  We would like for you to bring us a topic from time to time.”

Julie looks over at Mario annoyed that he sprung this on Ted on the spur of the moment.  

Ted: “Yeah I think I can do that.  Not everyday but maybe 1-2 times a week and we can elongate that conversation over the course of a few weeks.” 

Julie:  Seeing where this is going, beams and says,”Yeah !”  

Mario claps his hands once and points to Ted signaling him as the man for agreeing to this idea on the spot. 

Ted: “Hey I gotta go.  Philosophy 101 at the same time tomorrow?” 

Julia:  “Laughing,  It's a date!” 

Ted:  “By the way, thank you two for the chit chat everyday.  It feels like I get an extra-break from my job everytime I come in here.”  

Julia:  “Thank you also! Both sides of the mail job have an inherent mundane-ness built into it.” 

Ted: “Interesting I would love to hear about routine and uniformity in your job on the next pass.” 

Mario:  “I like it, that is our topic for tomorrow!”

Julia:  “Bye Ted see you tomorrow.”

Mario:  Waving, “see you Ted.” 

Ted just smiles and waves back at them both.  

The two of them watch Ted exit stage left. 

Mario: “Looking at Julie, are you coming over for supper?” 

Julia: “Ted I can’t.  I have to work on my social moray paper tonight. I think Friday is an easier day for me.  You can spend the night on Friday.” 

Ted:  “Pondering the idea a bit too much given Julie’s straightforwardness says Ok I understand.  You only have 2 semesters left and no summer school.  I can make you a leftover plate and bring it to work tomorrow for you to take home for next supper.” 

Julia:  “Mario, you are very good to me.  Time is something I have so little of for about 6 months more out of this year.  But it will get easier.  I will have more time after graduation.  Everything in life is temporary.”  

Mario looks at her with admiration.  It is a look Julie has come to adore.  One of Mario’s redeeming qualities is how much admiration and appreciation he shows for her.  

The two of them start to sort the mail without a word.  This is the last sprint of their job before ending this job.  Julie will go on to school and Mario will go home to eat and then call in for a shift to deliver pizza for later tonight.   

The curtain slowly closes leaving the two of them busy organizing mail to disperse to the staff boxes on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th floors.  The sorting of the mail has a unique sound to it, that is, in the flair of this scene uniform to the staff but unusual to those who do not sort mail in their day-to-day job. 

Act 9: The AI Bot and the Chinese Room Experiment: 

Lonnie and Marianna are chatting in a far away cubical.  Their conversation is spoken in that soft hushed office tone and impossible to make out.  It is getting close to the 2nd break and they head down to the mailroom to chat with Mario and Julie.   In the hallway they run into Kyle and April who are also getting on the elevator.  

April sensing Marianna’s tension:  “What is going on with the chit chat in the cubicle?” 

Lonnie:  “Having a marketing hiccup but it isn’t really Marianna’s fault.” 

Kyle:  “What happened?”   

Marianna:  “They have me using an AI bot to do some of the marketing.  It puts outs its ..they pause as they get to the mail room door and enter.” 

Mario who just made more coffee from the mailroom coffee pot, gave them each a mug from their mug shelf. 

Mariana:   “Yeah I am given an AI bot that is designed to help me with marketing.   It is designed to give me the rough draft and I am tasked with curalate it into something meaningful.  It is tricky.  I feel like the software is beckoning me in a direction that is different than intuitively I would have gone.”  

Lonnie:  “Yeah I was complaining about the substance of the message without understanding the backbone of the issue.   My apologies Mariana.” 

Mariana:  “I understand Lonnie, you are on the firing line everyday.  I get while you are frustrated.” 

Carol Stempheyer:  walks in.   She sees Marianna and says, “Oh Watts I sense tension in here.” 

Julie:  Speaks softly but in a deliberate tone saying “John Searle’s Chinese Room Experiment.” 

“What?” Mario, Mariana and Lonnie ask in unison.  

Kyle:  “Julie is right.  It is John Searle’s Chinese Room Experiment.  Julie, is that a topic in your class?” 

Julie:  “Yes it is actually currently.”  

Carol: Smiling as she speaks, “Damon and Aristotle are at it again.  Here comes another mini philosophy class.” 

Klye:  Looking at Julie.  “You go.” Signaling her to speak. 

Julie:  With a smile on her face.  “John Searle is an American philosopher who is most known for philosophy of language and the mind.  He proposed a theory against Strong AI called the Chinese room.”  

“In theory a person who does not speak Chinese sits in a room and is passed notes from a native Chinese speaker in Chinese. Using his book of symbols the person inside of the room matches the question symbols to the correct answer but at no time does the person inside the room understand Chinese.   He then passes the answer to the person on the outside of the room in their native language.   Kyle, help me with the strong ai weak ai part.” 

Kyle:  “Sure but you are doing great.  You are going to ace your philosophy class  In Seale’s argument strong ai is the notion that the computers can understand what they are computing.  He calls this semantics.  By contrast weak ai presents the idea that software is mimicking Searle's words using syntax which is to say presenting a formula without understanding the meaning.  In his thought experiment he is arguing against strong ai as opposed to weak ai.” 

Justin walks in saying:  “More philosophy mumbo jumbo.  He walks over to his mail cube, grabs his mail and heads back out never making eye contact with any of them.”   

Carol:  Being authentic, “nice to see you Napoleon.”  

Justin:  Being just as authentic say “nice to see you too.”   He exists waving to the gang of watercooler philosophers. 

Lonnie:  “So you two are saying that if the AI mimics what it should be doing it lacks understanding.”  

Julie:  “Yes right!”  

Marianna:  “I wonder if that explains my marketing AI issue.  I mean it follows marketing protocols like target market, branding call to action and others it lacks that flavor, that finesse that comes with real marketing expertise.  Everytime I get an output I feel I am always starting in the wrong spot.  But by contrast if I didn’t have the AI and went from scratch I would be forever behind.” 

Carol:  “Oh how interesting forever behind or forever on a slightly wrong tangent.   Watts, that is an interesting take.”  

April interrupts:  “I noticed the same things as Lonnie does.  I just try to change them to make them fit my situation.  That is time consuming too but better then sending a message that doesn’t drive  appropriate action.”  

Carol:  “Well Phin, maybe that is yours and Kurt’s crucible.  Forever abbrating Watt’s is curated marketing messages in emails and wondering if they are best targeted to your specific marketing  audience.” 

Lonnie:  “Honestly you just have to pick up the phone and have a dialog.  You can’t figure that out with an email monologue.  The emails are sent with marketing automation emails but you don’t have an exchange with substance until you have a phone conversation.” 

Kyle:  “Alan Turing had a counter theory years before in the Turing test.  It was a method used to test a machine's ability to exhibit human behavior.  Turing proposed that if the machine could give a correct answer it was indeed exhibiting AI.  Searle’s Chinese room is a refutation of that idea.” 

Mario:  Switching topics, “do you think our ai marketing is an accurate representation of John Searle’s thought experiment.” 

Marianna: “I don’t think it is exactly.  But if nothing else the proximity of our actual situation is as tangent to Searle’s idea.” 

Julie:  Smiling as she speaks, “tangent enough where the abstract idea is going into the rough draft of my essay as my example.” 

Carol:  “Aristotle, did John Searle refute Truing in your opinion?”  

Klye:  “He did in my person but…”

Julie:  Cutting in, “he did but philosophy is more about asking questions and and the dialog inbetween.  It is what makes the class fun.  The gray is between the black and white.” 

Mario:  “What does that mean?” 

Kyle:  “It means the answer does matter but the questions and the dialog form those questions count for a lot. The answer by itself, yes or no, has a diminished meaning without the dialog that supports that answer.  Philosophy is a process of cultural introspection often through hypothetical scenarios.  John Searle’s room was one such hypothetical.” 

Carol nods but Kyle and Julie are skeptical that it made sense to her.  

Kyle:  “Mrs. Stempheyer…”

Carol:  “Just Carol, Kyle.” 

Kyle: “Carol,  in philosophy the answers are rarely black and white.  It is more they are shades of gray and the dialog about the questions, the thought experiment, that produces a hypothetical result.  In the philosophy world Searle is seen to have refuted Alan Turing's thoughts on AI but it is the thought experiment and the process of analyzing that thought process that..makes it philosophy.” 

Mario:  “Sorry to cut in on your two’s, looking at Kyle and Julie, thought experiment but I think break time is over.” 

They all slowly stand up.  Carol stands up the slowest.  Kyle stretches his arms in the air and Marianna clasps her hands behind her back and bends over to stretch.  The curtain closes on their break time and their brief conversational exchange. 

Act 10: The Red Rose takes the Elevator Down:  

Julie steps on the elevator going down from the 4th floor.  She has a single red rose in a clear vase in her hand.  Marianna is approaching the elevator and Julie holds it for her.  They both get in and Julie presses the button to the first floor. 

Marianna:  Looking at the rose.   “Is that from Mario?” 

Julie:  “Yes. But you know Mario.  He can’t just give me a rose.  Instead he leaves little hints around the office next to hersey’s kisses.  I followed 3 of them starting in the mailroom and the last one led me up here to a loney vase with a single red rose in it sitting on a bookshelf amongst books with a single hershey's kiss next to it.  He called his exercise roses and kisses.” 

Marianna:  “Oh how Mrs. Stempheyer was right to call him Romeo.”  

Julie:  “He is the most romantic boyfriend I have ever had.  April tells me I should play the field while in college.  I don’t have time to date, go to school and work.  I am lucky to have met Mario.”

Marianna:  “Is Mario marriage material?” 

Julie:  “I don’t know.  I think planning out your next 5-10 years is hard.  Life is a series of events of which we know little about.” 

The elevator stops on the first floor and they both get out.  They find a table to sit down at and Julia puts the rose in the middle of the table. 

Julie:  Continuing, “I got this job because April was here.  I met Mario because I have this job with him.  I feel much of life is happenstance.  A bit of controlled decisions based on somewhat random events.” 

Marianna:  Nodding in agreement, “men giving women flowers is interesting.  You only have part of the flower�"the pretty part.  The roots are gone and the flower petals, the beauty of it will fade in a short time. It is very symbolic.” 

Julie:  With a curious look on her face, “how so?” 

Marianna:  “Well” She pauses to organize her thoughts and continues, “when a man romances a woman with flowers he gives her what is beautiful and ignores the rest.  The woman he is like an extension of that system.  Often a man looks at her beauty first and factors in the rest later.  The rest is seen as an after-thought.”

Julie:  “So do you think it is more romantic to give flower roots all over a plant?”  

Mariana:  “Yes, the whole plant, especially if the plant is a fledgling.  It can grow and mature with them both watering and taking care of it in a similar way a relationship could grow if both partners work on it.  It is more work but much more symbolic of a relationship.” 

Julie:  “Marianna on some days you are really deep.  You should be in my  philosophy class.” 

Marianna:  “Already graduated.  Not up doing that again!  Maybe you should buy Mario a whole flower in a pot to raise together.” 

Julie:  “Or maybe I should buy him the rose, cut off all petals and ask him, while giving it to him, ask if he would love me if I lost all my hair?” 

Marianna: Laughing, and pointing at Julie to acknowledge her idea.  “So you have one more year left of college. How long will you work here?” 

Julie: “When it is time to graduate I will look for a full time professional job. I got pretty lucky.  Most of my classmates are flipping burgers working in a warehouse or something else much less appealing than this.   I got pretty lucky getting this job that accommodated my schooling but wasn’t a bottom-of-the-barrel job.”  

Marianna:  “Happenstance smiling on you!”  

Julie:  “I have to get back to the  mailroom.  I have to thank Mario for being romantic yet again and Ted is due in about 20 minutes with the maildrop.”

Marianna responds with a smile.  A smile that says they have a deep friendship and she appreciates their impromptu exchanges.   

They wave goodbye to one another Julie putting the rose back in her hair.  Julie goes back to the ground floor and opens the door to the mailroom with a big smile on her face.  The curtain descends and the stage goes quiet. 

Act 11: The Afternoon Mail Drop:  

Mail Drop:  Split scene.  Mario loads his cart to take mail to the 2nd, 3rd and 4th floors.  Julia stays behind in the mailroom.  It usually takes Mario about 20 minutes to do the rounds.  It is the longest time the two of them are apart during the work day. Each event is happening at the same time and is subdivided into Mario’s and Julie’s perspective.  

Mario’s perspective: 

Mario is pushing his cart towards the doorway and Charles walks up.  Charles nods to Mario and Mario nods back.  

Mario presses the up button and the door opens.  Mario pushes in his cart and Charles follows as the door closes. 

Mario:  “What floor?” 

Charles:  “3 please.”

Mario:  “You are new here right?” 

Charles:  “Yes I started 2 weeks ago.  Still getting my feet wet.” 

Mario: “3rd floor”  Mario asks again, double checking that he heard Charles correctly. “You are working with Kyle?”  

The light hits the 2nd floor and oddly it opens but nobody gets on.  Mario has mail to deliver to this floor but he decides to get it on the way down.  He wants to talk to Charles some more than he wants to be expedient.   

Charles:  “That is funny, someone pushed the button and left.”  

Mario:  “It happens.”  

Charles:  “Yeah I work under Kyle in Account Receivables.  I would like to be a finance manager one day.  What can you tell me about Kyle?  He is my boss.” 

Mario: Handing Charles the mail for his section.  “Kyle is a deep guy.” 

The elevator door opens and they both get out.  The hallway is empty. 

Charles: “I mean what is his favorite football team and baseball team?  What sports does he play?” 

Mario:  “He doesn’t play sports.  He has a BA in philosophy.  You want to bond with Kyle and brush up on utilitarianism, stoicism and existentialism.”  

Charles:  Pausing with a confused look on his face.  “I don’t know what those words are.  He doesn’t like football? 

Mario:  “In Kyle's words he abstains from watching football due to apathy for those activities.” 

Charles:  “Oh um what were those words again?” 

Mario starts pushing his cart towards the mail station on floor 3.  Charles follows him instead of going to his desk. 

Mario:  “Everyday at lunch, and at smoke breaks we have philosophy topics.  You could join some of our talks.  We have them everyday,” he pauses counting in his head, “about 6 to 8 of us.” 

Charles:  “I don’t smoke.” 

Mario: “Neither do I. I'm go for a conversation.”  

Charles nods showing he understands. Mario starts sorting mail into mailboxes on the 2nd floor.  Charles waves at Mario and walks back to his desk.  Mario heads for the elevator and pushes the up arrow for floor 4.  

The door opens to floor 4 and he ceremoniously deposits the 4th floor mail.  He has a letter for Justin that he takes to Justin’s desk.  Justin is on the phone and shares a thank you smile with Mario who puts the mail on his desk.  

Mario goes back to the elevator without making a sound.  He pushes the down arrow.  April waves to him as she walks by.  Mario waves back.  Other than Justin she is the only person to acknowledge his existence.  As he enters the elevator another new employee enters.  When the door closes she extends her hand. 

Alice:  “My name is Alice.  I am new here.” 

The elevator starts to descend.  

Mario:  “4th floor?..you are in sales?” 

Alice:  “Yes.  I don’t know anyone yet.  It is my 4th day on this job.” 

Mario:  “Do you like philosophy?”

Alice:  “I guess.  Um..I run a writing club.  On the weekends.  With 7 other aspiring writers.” 

The door opens to the 2nd floor.   Mario’s last mail stop. 

Mario:  “Wow that sounds neat.  What made you decide to do that?” 

Alice:  “Long story.  It might take a way to explain it.”  

Mario:  “I will ask you again sometime then.  When we both have more time.  Welcome to the company.” 

Alice: “Smiling as the door closes.  Thank you!” 

Mario makes his way towards the 2nd floor mailroom.   End Mario Split scene: 

 

Julie’s Perspective: 

Mario leaves for the elevator looking back one time and smiling at her.  She smiles back. Julia actually enjoys the 20-30 minutes she is alone at work.  It gives her time to think and reflect on the day. 

Her mind sometimes is calm and effervescent.  Other times it is more active.  Today is one of those active days.   She reflects on her transition from college life to a professional life. She thinks about her dream last night.  The one where she gets a letter from the college saying she needs to take another semester but she can't take classes for a while.  The details were fuzzy and they didn’t make sense.  She woke up confused.  She sips her glass of water and looks about the mailroom which is so tidy and orderly while thinking about this.  It was just a dream though.   Dreams can be weird sometimes. 

She remembers her parents telling her to make the transition in stages and not to worry if it takes a few years.  To work in her last year of college if she can and realize she might get a great job for a few years after graduating.  It wasn’t the transition that worried her as much as the uncertainty of not knowing while she was in the midst of this transition.  1 ½ semesters left for graduation.  It was happening in her mind so quickly. 

Her thoughts drifted to her and Mario.  How coincidental life can be.  He was such a unique individual that made her smile and laugh daily.  But he is so comfortable with such a mediocre life.  He works here in the day with her and at night he delivers pizzas.  He makes ok money but could she see herself with him in 5-10 years?  She wasn’t sure. 

She sipped more water and put some pens on the desk back in the pen holder.  She loved how structured and orderly the mail room was.  In her mind it was part of what made her fall for Mario so hard.  The idea that his idea of a working space was as neat and orderly as her own. She of course never told him this.  It isn’t romantic to tell your partner you love him because he is a neat freak like you.  But it was true. 

Then she thought about an eventual job hunt.  What did she want to do?  She didn’t really have a solid picture of a career path at all at this point.   She just didn’t know what kind of career path she wanted or even more immediate, what kind of jobs to apply for in the short term. 

She wished her next few  years were as orderly and structured as the mailroom she and Mario shared.  She felt uncomfortable with ambiguity.  Kyle walks in. 

Kyle:  “Hey Julia I am sorry I didn’t see anything in the mail bin for finance.  Oh wait, did Mario just leave with the mail?”   

Julie:  “Yeah you just missed him.  Two tangent elevators on tangent paths with occupants destined to meet, in this case for mail, but missing each other at,” she waves her pen like a magic wand trying to summon the words to finish that sentence but Kyle cuts in.

Kyle:  “Wow that was poetic.  No biggie I was expecting some mail I need to process for finance by the end of the day.  I am sure it will be in my box when I get back to my upstairs mail bucket.  Sorry to bother you.” 

Julie:  “No wait. I actually have a question for you.”

Kyle: “What is it?” 

Julie:  “Why did you study philosophy in college?”  

Kyle:  Yea pausing as if to remember why, “at the time I was looking to get into law school.” Julie gives him an understanding nod.  He continues, “I dropped out my second year in law school.  I had a friend who said his company was hiring a bookkeeper for 13 dollars an hour.  I was making that much waiting tables making about the same money but the hours seemed so much better and so I gave it a shot and was hired. It eventually, after a number of years, led to my career in finance.” 

Julie: “Happenstance.”  

Kyle: “What?  Happenstance?” 

Julie:  “Yeah a friend in college, named Nicole, told me that no matter how hard we plan, life's random events come along and give us a somewhat unexpected direction in life.”  

Mario: Walks in and smiles.  “Hey Kyle, good to see you!” 

Julie just remembered what else she loves about Mario.  How non jealous and possessive he is.  A number of her boyfriends in the past would be upset at the thought of her speaking to another man in the room alone without him.  But Mario never seemed to mind.  She likes that about him. 

Mario:  “Hey I dropped off your finance mail.”  

Kyle: Thanks Mario with a wave, “I better go get it.  Ask Julie about happenstance and maybe even its relationship to elevators.  We have a smoke break or lunch topic in the making?”  

Mario:  “Oh yeah?  I am on it!” 

Kyle leaves quickly to get his mail.  

Mario: Looks at Julie winks and says one word.  “Happenstance.” 

Julie:  Rolling her eyes at his goofiness says “I was telling Kyle that no matter how much you try to plan out your life so much of your life is coincidences you never expected, predicted or sometimes can even control.”

Mario:  “That is deep.   Yeah you know it is actually I think I like being a pizza delivery driver.  The randomness of it all.  Each night I don’t know how busy it will be, which part of town I will go to or who I will deliver to.  The randomness to me is variety and variety in that context is fun.” 

Julie:  “You like that as if you embrace this?  Not knowing things makes me nervous.” 

Mario: “I know.  We dated for almost a year now.  I know that about you.  But the thing is you either embrace life and the randomness that comes with it or you fight against its tide and create worry and uneasiness everytime something unplanned comes along.”  

Mario: “I mean some events are tragic and will bring pain but most are small and benign and are not significant enough to have any angst over.  In the end life is a small set of planned events backdropped against an ocean of insignificant events that drizzle lightly in the background with a few significant planned and unplanned events sprinkled in.  In your words,”He adds a deliberate pause and then says, “happenstance.” 

Julie:  “Ok that is a topic we will need to explore at lunch.  How do we phrase that to email to the others?” 

Mario:  “Not sure just write happenstance in the outlook task manager for tomorrow.  We will figure it out in the mailroom tomorrow.”  

 Julie:  “The irony of that topic is that the topic itself happens to be a happenstance topic.  We will figure it out on the fly and the topic was a coincidence that arose from me asking Kyle why he went into finance with a degree in philosophy?” 

Mario:  “Oh yeah so why did he do that?” 

Julie:  “The end of our shift is coming up.  I can tell you about tomorrow.” 

Mario:  “Actually if you are ok with it I might be more apt to ask him.  That sounds like a cool story that might be enriched by going to the source. It will be interesting to see how he reacts to that idea.”   

Julie:  Nods her approval. “The dichotomy of it so much.  I mean he studies a degree plan that asks more questions than provides answers and then he pursues a career where concreteness and absolutes are more valuable than subjective evaluations and processes.”   

Mario: “Dichotomy.  There are those big college words again.  I like that about you but your vocabulary is so unconventional for an office setting.”  

The two of them go back to work preparing the office for tomorrow.  Mario smiles at her behind her back as she organizes the back counter.  She doesn’t notice as she did in the morning when he was admiring her behind.  It is more that he is looking at her from the inside.  Looking at her traits and personality instead of her figure.  The curtain descends as the two mailroom busy bees start to put their joint office in order for Friday.  

Act 12:  Parting Scene, You cannot step twice into the same stream: 

Each of them robotically put things in their proper place with their minds on their afternoon tasks.  Mario on his pizza job and Julie on her afternoon classes.  The uniformity and process has transformed it into a ritual for the two of them. 

Putting mail in each employee’s box they organize and sort each doing a piece of the work without a word to one another.  It is as if they telepathically know who does what to get this last part of their day expedited in order to leave by 1:30 which is when their shift ends for the day. 

Mario and Julie are preparing the mailroom for their departure.  They are hanging up the keys on the key tray and making sure no mail is left behind.  Mario is brewing one last pot of coffee in their small coffee brewer.  April walks in. 

April:  “Julie, are you two heading out for the day?”  

Julie: “Yeah we have about 5 minutes before the end of our shift.” 

April:  Looking at Mario, “Hi Mario.”  “Julie When do your classes end today?” 

Julie:  “What is today, um Wednesday…..um they end at 7 and I should be home by about 8. Call me?” 

April:  “Sure, how are your classes going?” 

Julia:  “It is different this year.  I am in my last full year and 2nd to last semester.  I took this job to ease the transition from college student to full time employee.  It feels different straddling that  purgatory line between the two.  I am ready for college to be over though.  I feel like I have lived a lifetime in my college years even as transitory as they are.”

April: Looking at Mario.  “Mario, what kept you from going to college?”  

Mario:  “Money and maybe interest.  My father was a day laborer and my mother worked odd jobs or took care of me and my brothers and sisters.  I never envisioned myself as a professional.   It is odd though,” he lets the sentence trail off without finishing it.  

April:  “What is odd?” 

Mario:  “I feel that after working here for 2 years I might be able to do white collar work even without a degree.”  

April:  “So are you?  What would you do and where would you go?” 

Mario:  “I talked to Roger the Sales Director.  The turnover here is so low though-”

Julie:  Cutting in, “wait you didn’t tell me this?” 

Mario:  “It is just talk.  I mean I am not sure.  The pay isn’t horrible in the mailroom. Sometimes I think I could move out of mom’s house and be a bit more independent.   You won’t be here much longer when you graduate.  I love this job because I love you.  Without you this job loses its meaning to me.” 

Julie:  “Ah that is sweet.”  

April:  Looking at Julie..  “Actually this job will lose some meaning to me when you leave!” Looking at Mario, “Mario, you are bi-lingual.  That has huge value in the business world.  Heck you could probably go to Roger with that and he may make space for you.  They need a bi-lingual rep.” 

Mario:  “Interesting.  I can chew on that.   He starts to pour coffee for Julie and himself.  Turning to April.  Do you want to go coffee even though you are staying?” 

April: “ Laughing sure, I will have mine here but Julie will have hers to go!” 

Mario:  Acknowledge her.comment with a nod and a smile.  “Have a nice afternoon shift, April, um I mean Phintias.”  

April: Laughing while asking Mario,  “what will you do with your evening?” 

Mario:  “Play video games and read.  Maybe I can work on a LinkedIn profile. That is a new concept for me�"social media networking.  I think I can pick up a shift at the pizza parlor later.  If I can get that I will do that.”

April:  ‘Mario, you are much more money driven than you were a year ago.  Drive counts for a lot in the business world.” 

Julie:  “I did not see the conversation coming.   Maybe we can talk about it over the weekend?” looking at Mario.  Mario nods. 

Julie:  “April I will see you in the morning.  I have to confess all this talk of change  has me a bit jittery.  It is nice to be comfortable. Coming here everyday and going to school feels normal and comfortable.”  

April:  “Comfort zones are made to be apexed by Julie.  Apexed or outgrown by proxy of time if by nothing else.   Have a good class tonight.”   Looking at Mario and raising her coffee mug to him she says, “bye Mario.” 

Mario: Packing up his stuff.  “See you on Thursday April.”  April smiles at him. 

Julie and Mario get their coffee in silence.  The two of them wait for April to exit and then lock the mailroom door with Mario’s keys.   

They walk out to the door but not touching because Julia doesn’t like to show Mario affection at work.  Mario gets his one and only kiss at the end of the shift when they reach her car.   Mario being the romantic he is, calls it the walk of rainbow and butterflies.  He once told her he sees the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow each day he walks her to her car and gets butterflies at the one kiss he is allotted at the end of each work shift. 

As the two of them leave for the day she remembers a phrase her philosophy professor wrote on the chalkboard as an attunement to Heralitus of Ephesus who is attributed to the quote You cannot step twice into the same stream.   Her professor said it meant The only Constant in Life is Change.

Her professor re-wrote it to say Change is constant and constant is change or in this case Change =A and Constant = B? If change and constant is constant change / A=B and B=A ?    Their first homework that day was to create a set of premises to attack or defend that idea in a written conclusion.   Nobody really got graded aggressively.  It was more of a first day exercise on writing premise, premise conclusion statements.  

Julie wrote an answer some 12 weeks ago to that question.  But she has thought about it ever since wondering about the relationship between constancy and change.   

She remembers once thinking tomorrow will be a constant of today but with a slight change until with so many micro differences that tomorrow may resemble yesterday but not 1 year ago.  She may get around to emailing her assignment to her office teammates one day.  Maybe that would be a good discussion over lunch or a coffee break?  

She and Mario exit the building together not holding hands or doing anything that would suggest they were an item. They walk to her car together, a ritual they have done almost everyday for about 9 months.  A ritual that is constant and one day will change. 

The curtain lowers as the two cross the parking lot.  The light from the stage almost creates a rainbow effect on the wood floor of the stage as the curtain conceals their walk and eventual single kiss.  A kiss that ends their shift and starts the second part of both their days.

The End: 

Footnotes: 

1. The question 3 philosophers walked into a bar was asked on Quora.  The answer in this play was my answer.   I can’t put links in here but if you got to quora you can look up “How would you complete “Three Philosophers walk into a bar”?

2. I wrote the scene in 2023 but the idea of the cats was from 2005 when my girlfriend-at-the-time and I were planning the play out.  Neither of us had cats at the time.  I have 3 today. 

3. I wrote the scene Mi Amore in 1995.  I left it as is even though it is much shorter than the other scenes.  I felt like a good attention grabber and I wanted a sense of familiarity when I picked up the play again. 

4. Trolley problem is a question in Utilitarianism.  You can really go down a rabbit hole if you do a search on it. 

5. I worked in a job when I was just out of college where two guys worked in a mailroom.  They were not nearly as deep as my characters in this play but I used to talk to one of them about life on a regular basis.  I realized that the solitude of his job gave him a lot of time to think.  I tried to incorporate that into this play. 

6. I wrote Ted and Mario’s night job as a pizza delivery driver to show a stark contrast between the uniformity of Ted’s job and Marios night job.  I like the color it added to the play�"the contrast of the two.  

7. The Chinese room is a thought experiment by philosopher John Searle.  I hope you read about it or at least watch a YouTube video on it. 

8. Alice is a character in my play writers club. I wanted to link the 2 together although they have almost nothing in common.  

9. Dichotomy.  My college roommate told me I used too many big words in college.  A colleague who was equally guilty of big words had an index card on his CRT monitor that said “Don’t use big words.”  I made it a career to avoid larger words in my professional discussions but see them as sort of a delicacy in my creative writing endeavors when used in moderation. 

10. Heralitus of Ephesus was a Greek philosopher.  He talked about change. 

11.  I had a girlfriend once where we played a game “chasing the sun.” We lived in an area with a lot of elevation.  We would sometimes drive to the highest place we could find in the late afternoon to have a single kiss.  We called the game “chasing the sun.”  It was the thought process behind the ending scene for Mario and Julie. 

Questions for you, the reader:  

1. How would you answer 3 philosophers walk into a bar? 

2. Which characters did you like and which ones not so much and why? 

3. What about the cat names?  Did they fit the characters? 

4. Give us an example of a social moray from  your life.  Does it support the position that social morays have various degrees of support or more that social morays are absolute? 

5. What is a juxtaposition that you like and why? 

6. How would you answer the trolley problem?  Why 

7. Do you agree with Satre’s position on Existence precedes essence?  Why or why not ? 

8. Do you agree with the ideas of determinism?  Why or why not? 

9. What do you think of Ted’s thoughts on the uniformity of his job in a uniform?  Would you like a job that had his level of uniformness to it or one more like Mario’s pizza job that had more randomness to it.  Based on the idea if the pay was the same.

10. What do you think of John Searle’s Chinese room?  Do you agree or disagree with his premise and conclusion?  Why? 

11. What are your thoughts on happenstance?  How much of life can one plan out and how much is influenced by random events and circumstances? 

12. What do you think of Julie’s fears on transition?  Did you experience that between school or trade life and your professional life.  If you had a family (which I did not) did you experience that in having children in your life?  In what way? 

13. What do you think of Heralitus of Ephesus’s idea of The only constant in life is change? Why? 

14. What do you think of the philosophy professors' aberration constant and change  How would you have answered it? 

15. What did you like about the play?  What did you dislike about it?  Why? 

16. What did you think of the “one shift in the life of” approach?  Do you like those kinds of writings?  Why or why not? 

Thank you for reading my play. Written in Sept 2023. Robert