Rock, Paper, Scissors

An essay pondering whether “rock” really does beat everything…

5/29/24

Or there abouts. 

Rock, paper, scissors… I never understood that. Some immature little kids game. Rock beats scissors, scissors beats paper, and paper… somehow… beats rock? Wtf. I don’t know about you, but I got a rock that can beat the hell out of paper, like a diabetic kid swinging at a Piñata with a wiffel bat… pulverizing that said paper, back into so much cellulose pulp. Rock beats everything… unless its a cruise missile.. and even then. Give a rock to somebody, anybody from Jersey… go ahead, I dare ya. 

Every day’s a new day… if you totally ignore some annoying little physics aspects of yesterday…then yeah, its a new day. A new dawn. Like it never happened before, huh. The sun comes up in the east, and sets in the west…. Lets say, just for the hell of it, that the sun comes up in the north and sets in the south… humor me. That little nuance is gonna upset a bunch of people and their organized memberships…. Trust me. 

‘Cause like all those ancient civilizations only built like religious celestial observatories, just to show reverence to their respective deities… um, yeah, that’s it…. Or maybe, just maybe, there were a few survivors of meteor strike apocalypses…just a couple… that’s all it takes….left to themselves, people procreate like dogs…maybe those guys figured it’d be a good idea to look up once in a while. 

But just for the sake of argument, and I’m speaking rhetorically, ‘cause you don’t wanna argue with me, believe me. Just for like you know, argument, all these people and their overlords are building all these amazing megalithic observatories and temples and stuff… taking thousands, maybe millions of men to accomplish such feats… I wonder… humor me again, I wonder all these people gotta eat, right? And like frozen TV dinners weren’t invented then, I’m pretty sure… then what about all the mechanisms, processes, businesses developed to feed them hungry laborers… I’ll tell ya, when ya work that strenuously, ya get hella hungry. 

And let us not forget about the other basic need… S. E. X. …. Yeah, I’m talkin’ the worlds oldest profession… oldest that is next to being an ancient astronomer… feel me? Where were all the ladies? Where were all the mundane, mortal dens of iniquity? Sure, sure, threat of death is very persuasive… but it only works for so long. Remember all those experiments in the seventies with monkeys and cocaine? How they’d keep pressing a little bar in their cage to get a line of blow, and they’d keep pressing it, foregoing food and water, and yep, S.E.X. Until they died…probably from a combination of all three… and those were monkeys… 

Hey, I dunno, I’m just a guy…. I barely escaped high school. I’m the guy what used to beat up those losers that played rock, paper, scissors. I don’t know why they didn’t include tire iron in that stupid game… tire iron beats rock, paper, scissors, every day of the week, even those “new days”…. Trust me on this. 

Author's Note

Yeah, welcome to my world, anyone else have a delinquent little voice in their heads? Wanna trade? Critiques and comments welcome.

Reviews

[emmajoygreen]

This is the way men spend their time when they should mowing the grass.. game-play that some don't even understand! Your writing, the stories, the words gallop along and carry the reader along for any kind of ride one can imagine. Here you play games in a rock hard way, likening it to a game of musical pleasure. Methinks.

'Every day’s a new day… if you totally ignore some annoying little physics aspects of yesterday…then yeah, its a new day. A new dawn. Like it never happened before, huh. The sun comes up in the east, and sets in the west…. Lets say, just for the hell of it, that the sun comes up in the north and sets in the south… humor me. That little nuance is gonna upset a bunch of people and their organized memberships…. Trust me. ' Sometimes one has to rock the boat (ha), tip the odds of altering the traom of thought and action.. believe me!

Grand writing sir, a discussion between two or three halves just for the grind of it!

[roarke]

You got it Em. A good portion of my writing isn’t really “serious” in a literary way, but in playing with words and concepts and attitudes… I wish I could put these into some kind of long form novel… but until then, I’m content to entertain my friends here. Thanks for the read and impressions.

[Philip Gaber]

That's good. I'm glad I'm not the only one, even as a kid, who thought that game was soft and douchwaddy.
Those were the same monkeys they put in a room in hopes they could type the greatest books of all time. Like so many of those self-destructive writers, they soon learned that multiple bumps of blow blew up their writing ambitions and threw down their need to titillate their basal ganglia. I did Coke back in the day and liked it way too much. I'm glad I had the self-discipline to walk away from it because I would be toast today.

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree my friend.
" I don’t know why they didn’t include tire iron in that stupid game… tire iron beats rock, paper, scissors, every day of the week, even those “new days”…. Trust me on this."
The above lines could be useless. I could never grasp the game "Rock, paper and scissors" game. Good afternoon from Michigan and thank you for sharing the interesting story.
Coyote