The Claus Family Christmas Letter

From Aurora's Northern Highlights office newsletter.

Dear Friends and Family:

 

            It has been nearly a year already.  I’m sending this out early as I will be very busy the next two months.  The end of the year is fast approaching and inventory’s at only one-and-a-half billion toys.  I wanted Mrs. Claus to write this year’s letter again, but after I criticize last year’s, asking her not to include the clinical details of my hernia, she told me I must do it myself.

            Mrs. Claus is doing well.  She’s taken up a spinning class, which I thought had to do with wool, but evidently not.  I asked her for a pair of socks and she told me to buy one.

            The Mrs. has told me we need to improve our health.  If I wasn’t so jolly I’d hate Web MD.  We have to watch our carb intake, which I thought referred to our ’85 Buick Century, but evidently not.  We tried aqua aerobics for a few minutes.  I’m still recovering from hyperthermia.  Mother has told me I might lose a little weight if I join in the reindeer games.

            The reindeer are fine, but they tend to squabble.  Cupid teased Donner, “What if Donner threw a party and nobody came?”  I had to discourage teasing, but I admit that was pretty funny.

            Working with elves is not unlike working with children.  We have Elf on 24 hours a day.  Imagine TBS is the only channel you get.  And every hour-and-a-half another round of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.”  How about throwing in Lord of the Rings once-in-a-while?

            Oh, and those of you who are still hoping for a Wii this Christmas --             WE ARE WORKING ON IT!  Have a merry Christmas.  Be good to your parents.  And don’t eat refrozen ice cream.

 

Santa Claus

 

Reviews

[W.k.kortas]

Santa with an '85 Buick Century is a wonderful image, and the subtle reference to the Donner Party is wonderful. It's nicely deadpan, and well-crafted.