Him

non-fiction story of my first love

His arm was warm against mine.

His arm was nestled close to mine in a room where the slightest touch is a crime, where a simple high-five is a reason to sit in the back, but his arm was warm against mine.

I smiled, “You’re warm.”

He looked at me, a small smile forming, “No, I’m not.”

“You are, or maybe I’m just cold.” Either way, I nuzzled my arm closer to his, as close as I could without a member of the staff noticing.

We were sitting side by side in connecting chairs in the patients’ lounge in a hospital located in Boonton.

In a way, his arm was comforting. It was human contact, something I was craving. I needed it to function, because I am a socially awkward butterfly, but a social butterfly nonetheless. I have an easy time making friends, but a hard time keeping them. I was always invading the personal space of others.

I sighed, and sat back in my chair, looking over his handsome features.

His defined, but slightly smudged jawline, like a sculptor designed his face but decided it was too sharp. His deep, ocean blue eyes that I could drown in with a stroke of gray surrounding the pupils, his pale skin with light freckles dotting his face. His dirty blonde hair which I loved, always looking so soft and never being out of place, but I never got the chance to touch it. Oh, how I wish I would have. He had slight sideburns growing in just at the top, and scruff on his chin, which made him all the more appealing.

His looks were not the only reason I love him the way I do though, I love him for his love of making people laugh, and the ease with which he manages. His perfect smile, the goofiness always there, I love him. I love his flaws. I love how when he gets angry, I talk softly to him, and he calms down to the sound of my voice, and I melt, like butter left out too long, like ice put in water on a hot day, I melt.

We had a running joke between us, that he had called me ‘ugly’ or ‘fat.’

He, of course, never did.

He said that if he could cartoon people, because he’s a spectacular artist, that he’d draw duck heads on everyone. I said, “I don’t want to be a duck.” He responded saying he’d draw me with an elephant head, which I , of course, laughed at saying, “Are you calling me fat?”

He quickly said no, saying he found elephants cute. I still smile about that comment.

One day, we were sitting, and me and another boy were arguing over who was the ‘designated ugly fat friend’ or the ‘DUFF.’ The boy whom I love said that it was not I, but the boy who was, but that he himself was the ‘designated cute friend.’

I, thinking it would be funny, asked, “Are you calling me ugly?”

He, immediately looking at me, frowned, and said no. So I asked what I was. His cheeks got a slight red tint as he thought and responded with a mere, “Not ugly.”

Naturally, he knew I liked him, and shortly after it was supposed to be my last day- our last day together.

“Hey…. I have a question, and since it’s my last day, I’m not going to regret it.” I lied slightly, knowing if he hurt me I’d regret it, but I asked anyway.

“What is it?”

“I know we always joke about you calling me ugly and fat- what do you really think of me?” I asked, scared for his answer.

He looked up, stared into my eyes for a second. “I think you’re beautiful, and I think you’re attractive, and I think if I was willing to date anyone I’d date you.”

I smiled, blushed profusely, but then frowned. “I’m not sure I believe you.” I whispered.

He frowned, “Have I ever lied to you?”

He hadn’t.

He was the first person I believed that told me I was beautiful.

That was our last night together, and we stayed up until our early bedtime of 9:45 and walked to our rooms, which were separate, but next to each other.

I stayed up late writing him a four page letter about my mom’s anniversary of death, which is January 21.

It was January 20 the day I wrote to him.

I gave him the letter the next morning, folded in threes, and he handed me a letter folded into a small square with a little envelope drawn onto it.

It reads (Wrong ‘You’re’ and all):

Wazzup Fave!

Okay so uhm… I’m not as good as you are when it comes to writing letters, but I’ll give it a shot anyway.

Thank you so much for helping me make this place tolerable XD, and thanks for talking to me that one day. It really felt good that someone was willing to listen for a change.

But don’t forget that your someone special, one of a kind even! You’re beautiful, cheerful, you know exactly what to say to make others feel better, and let us not forget your singing is out-of-this-WORLD!!! Your so unique Rhian, and I’d hate to see that go away :(.

Make sure you remember me once we get out of here alright? I know I won’t forget you!

Love,

me

P.S. My cursive is bad :3

I have never felt this in love before, and before I knew it, my clinician was ushering me to the door to leave, but before I left I needed to say goodbye to everyone- especially him.

I gave everyone hugs, and when I got to him I embraced him, and broke down on his shoulder. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” I whispered over and over again.

“I know.” He said in my ear.

When I finished crying, I looked up at him, “Will you say it one more time?”

“Say what? That you’re beautiful?” I nodded at him, tears in my eyes once more. “You’re beautiful.” He said, and there was a collective “Aww!” and other various noises of appreciation and approval around the cafeteria.  

I love him, I’m in love with him, and it may sound ridiculous and naive, but I hope he loves me too.

Author's Note

what can I fix to make this publishable?

Reviews

[C.D]

This is awesome! Very good read.

[Adesanya Yewande]

lovely story, a bit of editing will make it publishable, read it again yourself you will see some things you like to change there before publishing ...however its a nice love story

[dream on]

If thats truly non- fiction Wow just WOW!!!

[Rhian]

thank you! it is really non fiction! :)

[Peyton Light]

It's not bad at all :) Pretty good for someone who is new to writing :)