I saw her Smoke Ma

I saw her Smoke Ma
A poem by Rachel

I saw her smoke Ma
And she's only fourteen
I saw her Ma
Do you believe what I have seen?

She told me once,
It was to heal the pain
That you never listen
Not even when she complained

I told you twice,
That she would smoke
But you didn't believe me
You thought it was a joke

I saw her smoke Ma,
Twice a month you see
She is very sad
She's only a teen!

She told me twice,
That you drank
She hated you for that
But you think it's not we think

I told you three times,
She keeps smoking like you
Are you even listening?
I don't know what to do

I saw her smoke Ma,
I know you can hear me
You said yourself,
Just let her be

She told me three times,
It will be okay
But I just can't take it!
She's going to die one day

I told you four times,
She is smoking twice a week
But you're not able to help
Cause you're so weak

I saw her smoke Ma,
I don't know what to do
She's going to be dead Ma
Just like you.

Reviews

[Zoe Anne]

I just loved the repetition, the message, and the feeling put into this poem was done perfectly! My favorite stanza is the last one:

"I saw her smoke Ma,
I don't know what to do,
She's going to be dead Ma,
Just like you"

If I could describe this poem in one word it would be: EPIC!

[LondonParis]

I also liked the repetition, I'm surprised I know what that means but I do listen in English. I'm just going to make my review simple, I love it!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jacob A. Kolasch]

I like the repetition you used, it was effective in driving the poem home. And it helped build toward the ending. The rhyming gave it a nice rhythm, and almost a sing-songy feel. It kept the poem moving. At the same time, I felt that some of the rhymes were a little forced, but overall it flowed really well. I do really like how the poem draws attention to how young the speaker is. It makes that last stanza powerful.