My Dearest, How Could I?

My dearest, how could I condemn you to such a fate?

My dearest, what is this madness that has forsaken the two of us? An uncontrollable madness which consumes. A darkness, battling you relentlessly yet you’ve no hope of victory. You knew not what I speak of. Not until it was too late.

I wish only for redemption. A way to be cleansed of my sins. For me, that is a futile hope. He will not allow my passage across His threshold nor a glass of His blessed drink. Not even His light which streams high from above may touch me for I am tainted. A disgrace and a poor excuse for a person. I can hardly consider myself one.

Here I am, living without the only one I ever cared for. The way your blood poured between my fingertips and dripped from my chin was both horrific and pleasurable. Tried as I might, I could not resist the temptation of your sweet scent and the steady beat which hummed in my ears. You were the first of many to fall by my hand and now, I know I can never forgive myself for committing such an act. 

The way your skin fell so cold, draining of its colour and becoming a sickly pale pallor. I watched how your eyes sunk into your skull, acquiring deep, dark circles of exhaustion. My sweet, you had been taken but now you would suffer. I could not allow you to endure such a fate.

Sitting quietly in the corner of my room, the curtains shut tight, I can only think of you and what I have condemned you to. Your life gone and a beast you were sure to become. There is only one place you can go. Only one place for us. You cannot drift up for you had been like myself, briefly. Your soul will slip below the floorboards and find itself burning. Burning in the inescapable flames of the one I should worship. He who I should serve with great loyalty.

Yet I have not yet sworn myself to the Fallen One. He demands my service but I refuse His violent request. He will soon send them after me but it shall be too late. I will have already met Him in the depths where He may judge my broken soul and punish me for all the wrong I have done and my disloyalty.

I do not feel betrayed nor undeserving of the fate I have been condemned to for I am not innocent. I am not honourable. I am not human.

That which awaits me, I am not ignorant to. My soul shall burn for all of eternity, beside you, my beloved, who I so wrongfully doomed to perish and writhe in hideous agony. Together we shall scorch; our screams unable to be silenced nor smothered.

My dearest, do not wait for me for I am closer than you may believe. I shall join you in our eternal torment and we shall suffer in one another’s presence. He will watch as we gaze dimly into each other’s eyes as the flames char our skin and the blades pierce our hearts. We shall not be broken.

Before me, the drapes hang from their railing, closed tightly, not allowing a single ray of light through. Behind them, that which I cannot endure is desperate to break free. Desperate to end me. And I do not deny it of this desire as I step forth and grasp the fabric firmly, already feeling the heat on my knuckles. Fear should be tearing at my heart but I do not feel it for what else is there to fear when the only imperilment lies within yourself?

I do not hesitate drawing them back from the window. I do not run from the flames nor do I make a sound. Simply, I fall to my knees in my silent anguish and wait for it to take me so that I may be rejoiced with you in our wretched kismet. Finally, that horrific light which most relish in, it dies from my eyes as does my own body as the inescapable darkness engulfs my vision and takes me someplace I had always wished never to visit. Only then, ripped from this Earth, do I feel the redemption I had desired. And then, I am but ash on the mahogany floor.

Reviews

[aj milton]

I applaud you for the tale of guilt and repentance without once mentioning the word vampire.

Critically: you have jumped between tenses on occasions, but it is a nice readable short story.

And you get my vote in your competition, as you seem to have beaten your friend to posting anything. Perhaps he can do better in Round Two!

[Sophie Marshall]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the feedback and constructive criticism.

Also, thanks for the vote! I know he's working on something right now so not too far away!