Wanting versus Getting

 

Can’t seem to get my mind moving along so my body can follow

behind these thoughts

and dreams and all the hopes

I’ve carried with myself through continents

across state lines.

The single thing I have had in common with myselves –

a consistency to want something other than what I have.

 

I ‘d wanted once what I did have and nothing doing because it is gone.

 

I try now to limit myself

to the limits of what I can do for myself

(I did him for myself/I had him doing me for myself)

but that was another self .

 

Every line I’ve crossed becoming someone else

someone foreign to that familiar person that is me.

If you could crack me open to see

me -

cut me down the middle

out would pour every incarnation I’ve been in 25 years.

Every year it gets fuller inside

Until

they

pile on top of each other

held together by the common thread of being a creation of my environments.

 

I’d… I’ve been talking

haven’t been able to stop myself

from letting my thoughts slip through my lips

 

I’ve poured out these desires to run away run away from here;

But I know as you know we know

anyone

who has ever been conscious of anything outside themselves knows

they are all the same.

 

Eventually my body to leave here behind but give it what seems a moment

I will be plotting flitting out of vision

find myself popping up somewhere else

only beautiful to me as long as it is foreign .

 

Can’t seem to stay still

blame it on childhood -

blame it on leaving behind and letting go being a way of living

 

it was good practice - formed living, though for what life?