There are number of lines here that I don't like. Because I did not think of them first. This whole write takes the reader on an almost staccato development. Bouncing (as the format emphasises) from one thought pole, one concept to another and yet the whole is satisfying as far as structure is concened. Subject however is another matter entirely. I find the formost feeling I get it one of unease. I maybe way out there but I feel you do not intend the reader to walk away with a feeling of contentment. You wish to continue the thinking as perhaps the inner child, as some one else mentioned, does. In any event it is striking workmanship.
Beluga smile indeed.
Posted 8 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
yes .. definitely unease and a thinking thing:) i so appreciate your candid remarks .. and your visi.. read moreyes .. definitely unease and a thinking thing:) i so appreciate your candid remarks .. and your visit
E.
6 Years Ago
ps so glad you listened to and watched the video ;)))))))
There are number of lines here that I don't like. Because I did not think of them first. This whole write takes the reader on an almost staccato development. Bouncing (as the format emphasises) from one thought pole, one concept to another and yet the whole is satisfying as far as structure is concened. Subject however is another matter entirely. I find the formost feeling I get it one of unease. I maybe way out there but I feel you do not intend the reader to walk away with a feeling of contentment. You wish to continue the thinking as perhaps the inner child, as some one else mentioned, does. In any event it is striking workmanship.
Beluga smile indeed.
Posted 8 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
yes .. definitely unease and a thinking thing:) i so appreciate your candid remarks .. and your visi.. read moreyes .. definitely unease and a thinking thing:) i so appreciate your candid remarks .. and your visit
E.
6 Years Ago
ps so glad you listened to and watched the video ;)))))))
I know when I engage Jackson, my dog, with my love and care a part of me thanks him for bringing the boy back in me.
Thank You E!
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
boy do i hear that ..Bella the wonder Dog never ceases to elicit love from this old heart ..and i am.. read moreboy do i hear that ..Bella the wonder Dog never ceases to elicit love from this old heart ..and i am blessed twice every time ..there is nothing that compares to a truly "good" dog ..thanks for stopping by my friend
E.
What a wonderful piece of art.. because that is what it is -via form and word.. in sense and yes, sensibility. My brother used to love songs by - is it Harry Chaplin. One of them was about a boy who wanted to use colour but wasn't allowed to because it wasn't the norm. (Was the song called Grass is green' or similar?) Seems children are being cloned earlier and earlier these days.. yet us wretched world-mucking adults drum-drum-drum unholy stuff into them as if that were the norm. Innocence isn't bought or manufactured, it's there waiting .. to show what purity and happiness and imagination really is. Sorry, typed too much.. your poem is an inspiration, a reminder and - i love it - even though my interpretation might be wrong.
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
thank you so much emma! yes ...sometimes the things taught to my own children caused me to see their.. read morethank you so much emma! yes ...sometimes the things taught to my own children caused me to see their education as my worst enemy ...public schools do not support the perspectives of a conservative parent :( if i could have afforded it, they would have gone to a private school of my choosing .. and were i not the "single" parent ..i would have home schooled them ..oh well ..we all made it and they are their unique selves but fwill always have my "stamp" on them ... hopefully for the good. :)
E.
well ... they are all responsible and hard working ..very hard working actually ..but i have three l.. read morewell ... they are all responsible and hard working ..very hard working actually ..but i have three liberals ;)))) and i love them
8 Years Ago
My review was a mess, poorly put so am amending: Education primarily comes from parents: they are .. read moreMy review was a mess, poorly put so am amending: Education primarily comes from parents: they are the root cause for and of good or bad. I can't imagine you and your wife having small or adult children who'd become less than their mother and father. :)
8 Years Ago
thank you so much ...we all agree it was their mother that blessed with the good stuff ;)) thank you.. read morethank you so much ...we all agree it was their mother that blessed with the good stuff ;)) thank you for your kindness emma... i feel the joy! :))))
Our inner child is precious; they stay with us even in our old age. Perceptions of youth can be humorous and profound. Adults have the tendency to lie or lost in delusion with abstract thinking. It is refreshing to be around kids because they are concrete with their views; it is simplistic. "Small voices" are overlooked at times because of their age. Their thought process does not always match up with an adult. For instance, a child's fear of the monster under their bed will be dismissed by a parent. The next day we learn in the news it was an intruder, but the mother dismissed it as a nightmare.
Visual poetry has always appealed to me. The writer scatters images and emotions by including auditory senses. I envision the speaker staring at the origami tiger as he or she wants "small voices" to be heard.
Overall, children are smarter than they appear. Thank you for sharing!
sincerely,
ria
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
what an inspiring review my friend ..i so appreciate your thoughts on children and this poem ..but m.. read morewhat an inspiring review my friend ..i so appreciate your thoughts on children and this poem ..but mostly what you say of children ..they are precious indeed ..and very concrete at that certain age ...your sympathetic ear (i will guess) is well appreciated with children around you ..thank you again for taking time ..love and peace
E.
8 Years Ago
Thank you for your kind words. :D Have a wonderful day, my friend.
E...and it seems the life of innocence keeps getting shorter and shorter. Why must adaults ruin everything? Why can't we just let them go back to painting rainbows and imagining gray ski back to blue.
You are a brilliant voice in the heart of things :)
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
aw thanks lynn ..you are very kind .. i like the verse from the Good Book that tells adults (i am pa.. read moreaw thanks lynn ..you are very kind .. i like the verse from the Good Book that tells adults (i am paraphrasing) you must be as the children to enter the kingdom of Heaven ;) while in college i took a required art class; which i really enjoyed, and we were doing a still life project; acrylic on canvas. we were instructed to take any objects in the room, arrange, and paint ... i did so and had the group suspended with a glowing in the background ..the different objects all swirling together ..i felt pretty proud of my progress when along comes the "Professor" ..and standing behind me takes a brush and says you must have a table underneath and dis-join the objects ..i was stupified and frozen as he proceeded to repaint my master piece .. i still can't believe he had the audacity to do that .. anyway .. i survived .. your comments reminded me of that ;)
E.
A lovely little bit that would seem at first to be nonsensical, and maybe it is in a lovely, lyrical reminder of sitting down with my grandchildren and watching children's shows on T.V. Well done fun E. A good write.
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
thanks for taking time Ted! those "kids shows" are the best when watched with the grand children ;) .. read morethanks for taking time Ted! those "kids shows" are the best when watched with the grand children ;) i appreciate your review sir .. thanks again!
E.
This makes me think of all the greatness we are surrounded with, the people who act selflessly helping others, the child in pain, who wants nothing more than to see their parents smile and the commitment and devotion that sees people achieve unbelievable greatness, all caused by that childhood seed of seeing what needs changing and doing something to make it happen. What would our loss truly be if Mother Teresa decided to be selfish, or the person who invented wind up radio had done it for commercial reasons? Those are only a couple from the many, who saw and decided to act for the benefit of all. We need more small voices. Superb write.
my dear friend Nemo ...how gracious your words ..and so encouraging to me ..can not than k you adequ.. read moremy dear friend Nemo ...how gracious your words ..and so encouraging to me ..can not than k you adequately ... but thank you very much .. that this poem touched you so is all any could ask for .. i am a retired RN that spent most of my career in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit ..those children are all you describe and so much more ..their strength, trust, hope and faith are beyond the jaded world ..memories flood my heart and soul because of your review ..thank very much my friend ..it is such a fine thing to keep those memories and thoughts close .. love to you .. deep peace and joy
E.
8 Years Ago
Thank you. I used to volunteer at a children's hospice, before it all got too much, and the selfless.. read moreThank you. I used to volunteer at a children's hospice, before it all got too much, and the selflessness of those kids will stay with me forever. If you ever need a dose of reality and hear the complete truth, ask a kid who has no time to feel sorry for themselves. They put things into perspective that for the most part, we are too caught up in things to see. Thank you for your kind words, truly appreciated.
8 Years Ago
spot on my friend ..spot on! in my fogged at times memory ..i believe that the Bible says something .. read morespot on my friend ..spot on! in my fogged at times memory ..i believe that the Bible says something like "...and a child shall lead them .." as well as "...must become as a little child to enter the Kingdom of Heaven" :)
Our innocence is paper thin, isn't it? Very fragile and once broken, well, it can never be what it once was. If only childhood would last just a bit longer. I liked this a lot, E. Lydi**
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
yes .... spot on my friend! i wish i had said it so eloquently as your comment .. thank you for taki.. read moreyes .... spot on my friend! i wish i had said it so eloquently as your comment .. thank you for taking time always my friend ... top o' the mahrnin' to ya Lydia!
E.
I love the flow of this...but it doesn't flow, does it? There is discordance initially...a dissonance that puts you on edge, right where you want the reader to be...so that when you pull the lines back into a semblance of normalcy, we sigh with relief...and listen to the words penned there...and the point is driven home...one small voice. I like it. Love the voice. Great little piece.
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
what a fine sensitive review ...i especially thank you for respecting my crazy breaks .. we owe tha.. read morewhat a fine sensitive review ...i especially thank you for respecting my crazy breaks .. we owe that to one another don't we?! ;) so nice to have your visit and taking time to comment .. we need feedback to grow ... so thank you again!
E.
This morning as I began to log in to WC, it occurred to me what an inspiring and comfortable place this has become for me.
There are so many talented people sharing, encouraging, teaching and learni.. more..