The Crash

I have to get there before four

To sell my soul

For the money...

 

I will just make it

I thought

Weaving through the fog

Just ahead of rush hour.

I crossed the bridge

In the wrong lane 

Exit only..

To Treasure Island

S**t

No turn around

And then

It starts to rain

As I speed up the winding hill

Lined by eucalyptus trees

Dripping in the mist.

No time for this...

At the top of the hill

I  feel sick

The money...

The time...

Three point turn

Wheels spinning

Then down

To the misty lights that line the bridge

Faded in the gray.

On the curve

Is where my tires left the road

And I floated

In slow motion

Along the black glistening asphalt

For eternity

I could count the rain drops splattering

One by one

While the wipers kept a beat

Flap.....flap......flap

The smell of eucalyptus filled the air

Like holy oil.

 

Time was up

Nothing mattered anymore

Now

Ahh...

So this is what they mean when they say 

Your life flashes by

I thought...

Weightless In the giddy silence.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I love this creative story told in prose formatted like a poem. I especially like the way you weave in various details, first on the trip to Treasure Island, then slightly altered, on the way back from Treasure Island (ex: eucalyptus). I also love the way you describe the "accident" as almost an imaginary trip to another realm, slowing down time as it happens. Great details & imagination. Good job using so few words to describe so vividly: "three-point turn wheels spinning" & more . . .

[Chip Murison]

Thanks Barleygirl! I really appreciate your comments.

[Lorry]

Chasing money, catching only air...three point turns, reversing, getting nowhere fast, then slow motion, realisation, life slowing down, too late to realise that you could have saw it all, if only we had the time to look. Lesson learned to late, as per.
Like the addition of the smell of eucalyptus in the air, a sensory warning of foreboding perhaps? Love how you end, weightless in the giddy silence. What a trip. Pity it was their last. Superb, as ever.

[Jamie]

Now here is that dark style that I very much so enjoy. Not quite as far into the void as I love to go, but dark... I interpret this as a man experiencing his last moments of life. Taking into account the information you've been kind enough to share in your bio, I feel like you've drawn from life experiences here. Perhaps not all true, but you include eucalyptus (from what I'm aware, this grows in tropical climates) very specifically. And the rain, again, I think of tropical areas. Very wet. Sharp turns, as if heading up a mountain.

I can't interpret the meaning so much as it's almost 04:00 here, and I don't sleep well anymore, but my main sight is that this set a few things:

"to sell my soul" in the first stanza. Focused on the money to sell his soul, as if he has nothing to lose in.

"like holy oil", and in holy, I like of the heavens, as in the afterlife. As if he's aware that he's done for.

Following immediately is "time was up"; he certainly seemed to be aware.

"Weightless in the giddy silence." He was ready, almost wanting, death. He seemed to be relieved at his life finally, FINALLY, coming to an end, as he had wanted it to... perhaps for some time.

Perhaps, I'm over analyzing, potentially incorrectly. Regardless, once again, well done. If i had anything to correct in this poem, saw anything that could potentially be changed, I would let you know, but I enjoy it as it is.

[Chip Murison]

Thanks for your thoughtful review (as always)
I'm so glad you picked up on the giddy silence. That was exactly what I intended. That alone made my day today. :-)

A little back-story: this was an actual event and I really did thin it was the end. There's nothing made up here. I was on my way to sell my invoices for 80% of value because my fashion business was desperately needing money. I couldn't even wait a day. Totally stressed. The location is the Bay Bridge and Treasure Island is a real exit in the bridge right in the middle. I miraculously survived the crash with only broken ribs, sternum and many cut and bruises. I was in a lot of pain for the next 6 months. But at the moment before the crash I was kind of happy. It was such a relief to let it all go. So much so that I was disappointed when I regained consciousness and still had to deal with all the s**t. It was a major wake up call for me. I took my life in a new direction shortly after. Hey- life is short. It really is. There is no sense wasting time on external things that don't really matter. It's not worth the stress. The internal stuff is a lot more important.

[Jamie]

Damn. Very powerful. Something like that I thought had to be at least based off of something true if not actually being a true story. With pieces like these, you can usually see the reality in the experience. Again, an amazing piece. Dark as all hell, which I love. ...Not that you had this experience, but the way you were able to lay it out in a poem. That s**t was badass.

Glad I could help brighten your day some.

It is also now 20:24 and I have still not slept, so again, pardon any grammar fuckery on my end. I'm nearing the point of REM Sleep hallucinations [36 +/- 2 hours]. They were interesting last time. Shadow people. :DD