Loneliness

A short story about loneliness and connections

     I’m sad again tonight. My sadness isn’t a warm blanket, but I do feel it wrapping itself around me. Squeezing me. It’s comforting, in a way, even though I find myself trying to fight it, sometimes half-heartedly, sometimes in earnest. I don’t really connect with anyone. I try to comfort myself, telling myself that I just haven’t found my tribe yet, my people. I think at this stage in my life I can’t hope for someone to ‘get’ me, but maybe, I don’t know, empathy? Understanding? That I’m not really alone even though I feel it crushing me.

     Who knew marriage could be so lonely? They say the loneliest place to be is in a crowd, but I think it’s when it’s just us. In a crowd, I can hide. Alone, there’s nowhere to go. No convenient distractions. I feel loneliest sitting next to the person I love.

     I try to make connections during the day, with anyone, everyone, but I know I’m trying too hard, and they just think I’m weird. No one wants to talk, no one has time, no one has room for anyone else in their busy lives. So, I retreat back into myself and spend the nights agonizing, playing interactions over and over in my head, as if I could change something.

     My brain keeps me awake all night, torturing me, coaching me, berating me. What’s the use? But I can’t manage to stop. I finally tumble into a fitful sleep moments before the alarm goes off. I lay there longer than I can afford, trying to ignore the day, until the relentless light drives me from my bed. I’ll be late, again.

     Maybe today I’ll find a connection, even the smallest thread to hold tight to, to fight off the darkness. Maybe today will be the day.

Author's Note

This was a writing exercise; we were given a random word to write about

Reviews

[AJW]

" I try to comfort myself, telling myself that I just haven’t found my tribe yet, my people."

I relate to this 100%. All my life I felt like this and still do. I feel the same pain as you, sometimes, and it hurts a lot. This is an outstanding story.

[rklapka]

I'm glad to know it resonated with you. Thank you for reaching out!

[Mike Rock]

Loneliness is a fickle friend. Sometimes it is nice to be alone with your own thoughts. But other times, you need companionship, someone to talk to. It's hard to admit to yourself that you are lonely, then turn around and write about it. My advice is to just keep trying. Maybe join a club or something of a group activity. I find it sad that you can feel the most lonely when you are sitting next to the one you love.