I am currently out...

I am currently out...

A Poem by Rachel
"

this poem deals with the mortality of the human mind and spirit.

"

He thrashes, crashes,

cuts, and slashes.

he stabs until he

pierces my heart

unto the point of

no retreat.

he then pours in panic,

fresh from his blackened mouth;

it swells and grows

until it consumes my whole being.

the definition of "me" is no more.

© 2011 Rachel


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TJ
Great piece! Seems you've fixes the technical issues mentioned in previous reviews. The imagery in this one is both disturbing and great! I think I got a darker feel and message than was intended but poetry is supposed to be open to interpretation
Good work

Posted 13 Years Ago


Epitome not epipheny (in your comment in the reviews) I used to get them confused a lot too XD
Also Consumes in the second last line, not consume.
and definition in the last line (you missed an 'i')

Well from a technical point of view I applaud you, this is the first time in a while I have seen proper punctuation in a poem so major brownie points for that.

And this poem is absolutely fantastic. The imagery you used is gripping. I have chills from it. It's also incredibly refreshing to see a poem on something other than heart break. You left me with chills. excellent work.

Posted 13 Years Ago


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.
This is heart tugging and quite the gripping write. Though really I see a form of some metaphors as well. Deeply and hauntingly touching write from the gut. Very well writ!

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is a metaphor, as well as a personification of fear. I do not feel this, yet I know the meaning and feeling. Those who think they have gone through this, I promise you have not, for you would not be sane. It is the epitome of human suffering.

Posted 14 Years Ago


i like this. "he then pours in panic,
fresh from his blackened mouth;
it swells and grows
until it consume my whole being." especially these lines, as i can relate. this is really a simple, but brilliant piece of writing.


Posted 15 Years Ago



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5 Reviews
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Added on October 7, 2009
Last Updated on November 17, 2011

Author

Rachel
Rachel

Fort Smith, AR



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