A Letter To Jesus

From My Journal
January 18, 2012
Working The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius

I am the good shepherd, and I know mine and mine know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I will lay down my life for the sheep. (John 10:14-15)

My assignment today is to meditate and think about how I feel about Jesus, knowing that he died for me. Then I am to write a letter to Jesus, read it to him and see his response.

The truth is that Jesus died for me. But more than that, Jesus CHOSE to die for me. Jesus came as an expression of God’s love to die for me and reconcile me with God, so that nothing can or will ever separate me from that love.

I know I’m supposed to feel grateful or something like that, but what I actually feel is a closeness with Jesus. I feel we have a bond, or a connection. That dying for me didn’t just overcome the barrier that separated me from God, but it forged a bond that connects me with Jesus.
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Dear Jesus,

Thank you for taking all my sins in your body and letting them die with you on the cross. Thank you for not just forgiving the sins I have committed to this point, but the sins I will commit in the future. All my sins died with you. A lifetime’s worth of sins died on the cross, so that there is no condemnation for me with God or anyone else because I am forgiven.

I feel for the first time in my life, that not only do I have the faith to trust that you have my back, but I have the knowledge that I have your back as well. Knowing what you did for me, and feeling the bond we have because of it, makes me feel as if I want to live for the world and not just for myself. It isn’t an obligation, or a duty, or even a repayment of a debt, or a desire from a sense of gratitude; it is just something that is in me, directing who I am.

Jesus, I spent so much of my life tying to figure out how to be like you, and finding a way to let others see you through me, but I suddenly realize that all I have to do is be me, and if I am true to myself and who I truly am, then you will be seen in me. I think it is nothing but fear and fear alone that keeps me from being like you, that keeps me from doing what you would do �" a fear of what people will think, or how they will react, or a fear that I will fail. But perfect love casts out all fear, and your love is perfect, and it is in me, because I am in you, and we are in God -- so as long as I embrace that love, the fear will vanish, and you will be seen in me, perhaps imperfectly now, but as time goes on, and as I live and grow in your grace and love, I am confident that a time will come when they will see you in me, as clearly as I see God in you.

Thank you for teaching me that repentance is not a burden, or a punishment, or a judgement, but it is a gift -- a pure and simple gift that you are working within me, moment by moment, breath by breath �" every beat of my heart is the beat of a new heart being renewed and reborn with every passing second.

And all this is possible for me because you chose to die for me, so that I might die with you, and be raised to new life with you -- not in some future, mystical heaven after I die, but right here and now. I have been raised from the dead and nothing will ever separate me from God or you ever again.

Thank you,

R. Joseph

And as I read my letter to Jesus, I can see him saying to me, “You were worth dying for, and you are worth living for. That’s how I want you to feel about everyone else -- that’s how I want you to love too.”

And I realize now for the first time, in such a clear way, that this is how I want to love, and I want to love this way forever.