Blind Bartimaeus and a Vision of Sainthood.

This is actually, for lack of a better term, a description of a vision.

    They went to Jericho. When Jesus left Jericho, along with the students and a considerable crowd, a blind beggar, Bartimaeus, the son of Timaeus, sat along the side of the road. When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he started to cry out and say, “Son of David, Jesus, have mercy on me!” A lot of people yelled at him, telling him that he should shut up, but instead he yelled even louder, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

    Jesus stopped in his tracks and said, “Call him over here.”

    So they called to the blind man, saying to him, “Cheer up! Get a move on! He’s calling for you!”

    The blind man threw off his coat, jumped up and went to Jesus. Jesus responded to him, “What do you want me to do?”

    The blind man said to him, “Rabbi, let me see again!”

    Jesus said to him, “Go home! Your faith has saved you.” And bam! He regained his sight and followed Jesus down the road.

~ As Mark Tells It
The New Peace Treaty: A New Translation of the New Testament
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So I was lying in bed thinking about this scene -- and to be honest, not thinking about it very deeply. More just sort of blowing it off and doing the minimum to at least feel like I was being dutiful to a devotion.

But then, in my mind, I got to the part where Jesus asks "What do you want me to do?" and it was me, not Bartimaeus standing in front of Jesus. Jesus was asking me, not Bartimaeus, "What do you want me to do?"

I sort of withered a bit, and was trying not to make eye contact. I was unsure what to say in response. So I finally just said, "I want to be a saint."

Jesus smiled a bit, and I remember feeling like I was like John and James asking to be seated on thrones next to Jesus in the Kingdom -- one on His right side and one on His left side. And I was waiting for Jesus to say to me "What you ask is not for me to give, but can you drink from the cup that I am about to drink from?" And of course, they say "Yes," and He tells them they will drink from His cup. So they did not get the thrones they were looking for, but got a promise of suffering.

To me Jesus said, "I'm not saying 'No' and I'm not saying 'Yes' because the desire to be a saint has to come from you. It's not something I can give you. But can you do this?"

Suddenly I was watching Jesus being beaten by two Roman Guards -- or it was a man being beaten, I just assumed it was Jesus, but I couldn't see His face, or I don't remember if I could. They were beating Him with their hands and with rods. It was hard to look, so I knew most of what was happening from what the guards were saying. One, older guard kept yelling orders to a younger guard about how to beat Him. At one point the older guard told the younger one to look for His eye.

So the question comes again: "What do you want me to do?"

And I was back in my bed, wondering: "What do I want?" I felt a sense of calm that allowed me to say to myself, "Okay, if that's what it takes, I'll do it." But at the same time, I know that it is easy to say yes lying on a bed in an air conditioned room. There is not beating, no ridicule, no suffering, no sacrifice -- just some abstract awareness of some future sacrifice.

So, after all that, I still don't know how to answer Jesus. What do I want from Him. Do I really want to be a saint, knowing that there may be savage beatings, or knowing that, even if the beating is a metaphor, I still have to give up my life as I would have it -- die to that life -- and be beaten and ridiculed for living the life that God would have for me?

I am still inclined to say yes, but I am afraid.

So I ask two things from those of you who have taken the time to read this:

1) Pray for me. Pray that I am willing to do what it takes to be a saint -- that I am willing to, and find the courage to, say no to my life, and saying yes to God, making my whole life a living sacrifice. And Pray that I have the strength to endure the consequences of such a decision.

2) I ask you to answer the question for yourself. How do you answer Jesus when He says to you: "What do you want me to do?"

Reviews

[Emrick]

Honestly, if Jesus was to ask me "what do you want me to do for you?", il probably tell him to open my mind and let me understand the deep secrets about him and the world.

I think Jesus speaks to us everyday and instead of being wise to choose the right things,many of us run to wealth and fame.That's when we fail in the middle of our hustling journey and never reach the end.