Prologue

A Chapter by RJ Landy

Prologue

"You really don't care about your career, do you?" I folded my arms across my chest as a crisp fall breeze blew past. No man in their right mind would think to go up against my father. Well, no sane man.

He cocked his head to the side as a smug smirk stretched across his annoyingly symmetrical face. "I like to take risks. That's why I'm so good at what I do on and off the ice." His smirk grew as I rolled my eyes for the millionth time since meeting him. His arrogance seeped through his pores as he stuffed his hands inside his pockets.

The wind began to pick up as I pulled Trey's jacket closer to my body, hoping to stop the numbness spreading to my limbs. We were standing outside my house which was currently filled with every player on the Flyers, plus their girlfriends and wives. We had won the first game of the season, which always put my dad in the partying mood. The party was in full swing, music and laughter spilled out into the streets. I needed a moment to escape from the death glares sent my way by the jealous girlfriends or flings. I mentally scolded myself for walking outside without a jacket, especially since I was wearing a short dress.

Don't get me wrong, I loved hanging with the players, but when their girlfriends or flavors of the months were there, it's a different story. Most girls would cling to their man all night long and the guys never leave their sight.

Trey stepped towards me, like a lion getting ready to pounce. "What are you afraid of, Angel? Are you really that worried about going on one little date with a harmless, handsome, hockey player?"

He was so narcissistic, I wanted to smack that damn smirk off his face. To make matters worse, I hated the nickname Angel. Taking the first five letters of my name, so original! Many exes have tried to make that nickname work but I've made damn sure to squash it.

I hated the fact that Trey had a point. Sure he's a great player, but I don't think he's THAT great. There was nothing to be afraid of, it's just a date. Plus IF he does get a hat trick, there's no way the guys, or my father, will let him take me out. If he does take me out, I doubt I'd actually enjoy the date. Once the date's over I'd be able to prove to him that we won't work.

WHEN he doesn't score a hat trick, he'll finally leave me alone, stop hitting on me, and focus on the game. Either way I'll get Trey off my case and that was all I wanted. I bit my lip, contemplating my next move. Was I really about to agree to this?

My inability to turn down a bet was probably one of my biggest flaws. I'm not one to back down from a fight. I think I can blame my upbringing for that.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I stuck out my hand for Trey to shake. "You're on McLaferty! If you get a hat trick during the next game, I'll go out with you for one date and one date only. If you don't, you'll leave me alone and focus on the team." I looked him square in the eye as I said our terms. His large hand shook mine as he chuckled. I could tell he thought he'd won me over, that he was going to get everything he wanted in the end. I would rather date Sidney Crosby then let that happen.

"Great." We stopped shaking hands but he still gripped mine. He pulled on my arm to bring me closer to him. He brought his face down to mine and whispered in my ear, "Don't look so worried Angel, what's the worst that could happen?"

He was taunting me, he knew he was under my skin and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I couldn't stop it but I sure as hell could make sure he knows I'm not going down without a fight.

"Here's a preview of how our date's going to end," I smirked stepping closer to his body. His hand immediately went to my hip, perfect. I leaned my head back letting my most seductive smile spread across my face.

I brought my hand up, cradling his face, like I was going to kiss him. Before he could register my movements I pulled my hand away to connect with his face in one swift motion.

I turned on my heels feeling triumphant as I headed back into my house. I took off his jacket and dropped it on the ground.

"How'd you know I like it rough?!" I heard the smile in his voice. I could stand there arguing all night but I felt a sudden urge to drink large amounts of alcohol.

He won't get a hat trick I tried to reassure myself. It was one in a million, I had nothing to worry about. I repeated this mantra in my head for the rest of the night. Little did I know all the reassuring in the world couldn't prepare me for the next few months with Trey McLaferty.

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© 2019 RJ Landy

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JayG

You haven't requested response, but you've obviously worked hard on this, and have posted multiple chapters in hope of entertaining readers. Given that, I thought you would want to know that you've run into a problem that pretty much all new writers do, because, given our background and training, it's invisible till it's pointed out.

Simply put, you, the author, are telling the reader a story. And you're trying to make it more immediate by adapting a first person POV and using first person pronouns. But is there really a difference between:
- - - - -
"You really don't care about your career, do you?" I folded my arms across my chest as a crisp fall breeze blew past. No man in their right mind would think to go up against my father. Well, no sane man.

And:
- - - -
"You really don't care about your career, do you?" She folded her arms across her chest as a crisp fall breeze blew past. No man in their right mind would think to go up against her father. Well, no sane man.
- - - -
The same unknown person talks to the same unknown man about the same thing. My point? That in neither case is this the one living the scene. Someone whose voice we cannot hear is talking about things that once happened. Does it really matter if this person we know nothing about is talking about things that happened to them or to someone else? Neither version is in the viewpoint of the one living the scene. Instead, a voice we cannot hear is talking about people we know nothing about. Why did this unknown person say this? We have no context. Why does it matter that a breeze blew? We have no context. Where are we? Who are we? What's going on? Again, we have no context. So how can it bring a mental picture? How can the words have meaning to the reader, and be more than something to store away till they do have meaning?

Sure, you know all that information when you read. But you cheat. Before you read the first word you know your intent for that's happening. You know the participants, their backstory, and their motivations to act. So for you, the sentences call up images and memories stored in your mind. But the reader lacks all that. For them, the sentences call up images and memories stored in YOUR mind. And since you're not there to ask, the words take on the meaning suggested by their background and experience, not by your intent.

Here's the thing. Readers don't care about Story, with that capital S. They care what's happening in the moment the protagonist calls "now," as-it-happens. Story doesn't make them turn the pages. The writing, and its ability to make that reader feel as if it's happening to them, is what makes them turn the pages.

So instead of POV as defined by pronouns, you need viewpoint. It's what makes the story real to the reader. Setting is neutral. It's only through a given character's perception of that setting that the story can become real for the reader. This article may clarify what I mean:
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/2011/09/22/the-grumpy-writing-coach-8/

The problem you face is that in our school years we learn only nonfiction writing skills. Writing fiction is a profession, and the professional knowledge a writer uses isn't required in every-day writing in life and on the job. So, just as we're not taught engineering or medicine in our public education days, we're not taught the tricks of the fiction-writing profession.

We should realize that. After all, we know we're not journalists or script writers without more training, But somehow, we miss that point, and use our fact-based and author-centric writing skills when we turn to writing fiction. And the result? What we write reads a lot like either a chronicle of events with interjected editorial comments, or a transcription of us telling the story aloud—stripped of the emotion that our performance would add.

In other words, because we lack the emotion-based and character-centric skills of the fiction writing profession we use what we know and we all fall into the same trap. But the good news is that it's fixable.

The bad news is that we're learning the skills of a fairly difficult and demanding profession, and that doesn't happen overnight. If you hope to eventually sell your words, you should be aware that it takes the average writer from a half-million to a million words written, polished, and put aside before they sell a word. I'm slow, it took me a million.

Not an encouraging statistic, but that is the world we live and work in. That aside, if you are meant to be a writer, the learning will be fun.

Why must we go to all that effort? Because the goal of the writing skills we learned in school is to inform. But the goal of fiction is to give the reader an emotional, not an informational experience. We want to entertain out reader.

Think of the times when, in reading, you had to stop to catch your breath, and think about what you would do in that situation, were you the protagonist. No way in hell can the skills you were given in school do that by having an invisible narrator explain the situation.

So how can you fix it? First, to understand the magnitude of the problem you might dig around in the articles in my writing blog. Then, look at the article I link to below, for one powerful way to present the scene in real-time, from within the protagonist's viewpoint. Used well, if someone throws a rock at your protagonist the reader will duck.
http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/art/scene.php

That article is a condensation of one of the many techniques taught in Dwight Swain's, Techniques of the Selling Writer, the best book on the basics of writing I've found. It's an older book, and talks about your typewriter instead of your keyboard, but it was written by one of the most respected teachers of writing—a man who used to fill auditoriums when he took his day-long writing workshops on the road.

He won't make a pro of you. That's your job. But he will give you the tools and the knowledge with which to do that. And he will make the act of writing a lot more fun.

Just be careful to stop when a new idea is presented, to think about how it relates to your writing. And then, practice the point till it's yours to use, rather than something to be seen and forgotten a week later. It's also a good idea to, after six months of using those tricks—read the book again to get a whole lot you missed the first time.

And one more thing: No matter what you do.... Hang in there and keep on writing. It keeps us off the streets at night. 🤪

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

Posted 5 Years Ago

Simply put, you, the author, are telling the reader a story. And you're trying to make it more immediate by adapting a first person POV and using first person pronouns. But is there really a difference between:
- - - - -
"You really don't care about your career, do you?" I folded my arms across my chest as a crisp fall breeze blew past. No man in their right mind would think to go up against my father. Well, no sane man.

And:
- - - -
"You really don't care about your career, do you?" She folded her arms across her chest as a crisp fall breeze blew past. No man in their right mind would think to go up against her father. Well, no sane man.
- - - -
The same unknown person talks to the same unknown man about the same thing. My point? That in neither case is this the one living the scene. Someone whose voice we cannot hear is talking about things that once happened. Does it really matter if this person we know nothing about is talking about things that happened to them or to someone else? Neither version is in the viewpoint of the one living the scene. Instead, a voice we cannot hear is talking about people we know nothing about. Why did this unknown person say this? We have no context. Why does it matter that a breeze blew? We have no context. Where are we? Who are we? What's going on? Again, we have no context. So how can it bring a mental picture? How can the words have meaning to the reader, and be more than something to store away till they do have meaning?

Sure, you know all that information when you read. But you cheat. Before you read the first word you know your intent for that's happening. You know the participants, their backstory, and their motivations to act. So for you, the sentences call up images and memories stored in your mind. But the reader lacks all that. For them, the sentences call up images and memories stored in YOUR mind. And since you're not there to ask, the words take on the meaning suggested by their background and experience, not by your intent.

Here's the thing. Readers don't care about Story, with that capital S. They care what's happening in the moment the protagonist calls "now," as-it-happens. Story doesn't make them turn the pages. The writing, and its ability to make that reader feel as if it's happening to them, is what makes them turn the pages.

So instead of POV as defined by pronouns, you need viewpoint. It's what makes the story real to the reader. Setting is neutral. It's only through a given character's perception of that setting that the story can become real for the reader. This article may clarify what I mean:
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/2011/09/22/the-grumpy-writing-coach-8/

The problem you face is that in our school years we learn only nonfiction writing skills. Writing fiction is a profession, and the professional knowledge a writer uses isn't required in every-day writing in life and on the job. So, just as we're not taught engineering or medicine in our public education days, we're not taught the tricks of the fiction-writing profession.

We should realize that. After all, we know we're not journalists or script writers without more training, But somehow, we miss that point, and use our fact-based and author-centric writing skills when we turn to writing fiction. And the result? What we write reads a lot like either a chronicle of events with interjected editorial comments, or a transcription of us telling the story aloud—stripped of the emotion that our performance would add.

In other words, because we lack the emotion-based and character-centric skills of the fiction writing profession we use what we know and we all fall into the same trap. But the good news is that it's fixable.

The bad news is that we're learning the skills of a fairly difficult and demanding profession, and that doesn't happen overnight. If you hope to eventually sell your words, you should be aware that it takes the average writer from a half-million to a million words written, polished, and put aside before they sell a word. I'm slow, it took me a million.

Not an encouraging statistic, but that is the world we live and work in. That aside, if you are meant to be a writer, the learning will be fun.

Why must we go to all that effort? Because the goal of the writing skills we learned in school is to inform. But the goal of fiction is to give the reader an emotional, not an informational experience. We want to entertain out reader.

Think of the times when, in reading, you had to stop to catch your breath, and think about what you would do in that situation, were you the protagonist. No way in hell can the skills you were given in school do that by having an invisible narrator explain the situation.

So how can you fix it? First, to understand the magnitude of the problem you might dig around in the articles in my writing blog. Then, look at the article I link to below, for one powerful way to present the scene in real-time, from within the protagonist's viewpoint. Used well, if someone throws a rock at your protagonist the reader will duck.
http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/art/scene.php

That article is a condensation of one of the many techniques taught in Dwight Swain's, Techniques of the Selling Writer, the best book on the basics of writing I've found. It's an older book, and talks about your typewriter instead of your keyboard, but it was written by one of the most respected teachers of writing—a man who used to fill auditoriums when he took his day-long writing workshops on the road.

He won't make a pro of you. That's your job. But he will give you the tools and the knowledge with which to do that. And he will make the act of writing a lot more fun.

Just be careful to stop when a new idea is presented, to think about how it relates to your writing. And then, practice the point till it's yours to use, rather than something to be seen and forgotten a week later. It's also a good idea to, after six months of using those tricks—read the book again to get a whole lot you missed the first time.

And one more thing: No matter what you do.... Hang in there and keep on writing. It keeps us off the streets at night. 🤪

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

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