Deaths Door

The fear of the close

Tears glazed my eyes as I stared at the dust coated frame of a young boy grinning into the camera; the young face that radiated joy and happiness through the frame. A nostalgic tendril threaded over my heart, lightly brushing it, causing it to burn at the contact. My heart seemed to emerge from a deep slumber and I was lifted out of my misery for a few precious moments by the weight of those pleasant memories, stored as relics within me. Closing my eyes, I sat back and heaved a sigh, the sigh that was brimming with regret. I reflected on the inevitability of life and how the last chapter ended. I had begun to fear the eternal slumber, and tried to find ways of running away from the gaping hole that fed itself on darkness. I tried to find ways of emerging from this pit of misery, but I was dragged back by dark and scarred hands. I wanted help, I wanted guidance, and I wanted to know the meaning of life. Time seemed to be the foe, and as I stretched my hand to retrieve it, my hand quivered and grew even more wrinkled. Where had the protective arm of my father gone, where had his encouraging face gone? Where had the comfortable lap of my mother disappeared, the smile that never ceased to lift me out of gloom? I remembered hiding from the darkness by escaping in my mother’s lap and her caressing hand. Thinking about the moments I spent hidden in her lap, my battle with time seemed trivial, and death, the vanquished enemy. I now feel fear as evening approaches, and terror as nightfall. Every sleep seems to be a last and every moment, the end. I feel as though the Lord himself is stretching his hand to aid me in the final journey, I feel as though I am already in Hell. I know my end is near, yet I fail to understand how the World lives on, carefree? Why do I feel, as though my time has come? Why does my instinct tell me this night will be the last? Who will free me from my suffering? 

Author's Note

Please rate if you can :)

Reviews

[Dean Penn]

The only thing certain in life is death. This is a sincere effort, almost can't believe a teenager of your age has written this.

[Kristin Lee]

This has a certain realistic aura about it. I like how your main character is terrified that this will be their last night. You do a great job conveying that terror too. When I got to that line I felt the fear. The story overall has good flow and direction. Thanks for sharing :)

[4$H]

Thank you do much :')

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the realistic feel of the story. The story was written with logical mind and thoughts. I like the pace of the story. Allowing the reader to fall into the thoughts and the questions. I like stories that end with a question. Left the reader with something to ponder. I enjoyed the story. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[4$H]

Thank You for your kind words :')
Reviews like these inspire me to write more. Thank you for the excellent review :)

[Haley Harrigan]

Amazing. Capitivating. This spory stole my heart. I am now wanting to know what is the matter and how the character got into this state.

[4$H]

Thank you so much :')
This really means a lot :)
I will post that also :D

[Haley Harrigan]

You're welome!

[4$H]

:)

[Cool Handless Luke]

I can't help but wonder the fear is after reading this 4$h (ash?) It mentions the father's encouraging face the mother's lap as comforting elements which makes me think of the main character as one not too far removed from childhood. But to contradict this it mentions time being the main enemy. This doesn't mean the character is old but that is the picture it paints for me. Also there seems to be a conflict as in one sentence where you speak of the Lords hand reaching out to assist you but before the sentence is finished you mention that you feel you are already in Hell? I think you have the basis for something here but it needs some refining and polishing up. Some more background from the character - give the reader something to connect with them. i don't know where you are going with their development but you need to establish a reason for the reader to be drawn to the character and pull for them, or a reason for them to despise the character and anticipate their doom. Also establish a foundation for what it is that they are in such fear of and build upon that. This will open up a lot of doors for you to progress the story. That's just my opinion anyway. I wouldn't want to rate it at this point. I would rather read it again if you decide to expand upon it and implement some of my suggestions. Ultimately it is your work though so if you feel I am off base I apologize for I had no intentions of offending you. So often times we, as authors, see the picture so clearly because it is our creation and it is personal and vivid in our minds, where as the reader is left to interpret and fill in the gaps so we have to make an effort to expand on things just to grant the reader the vision that we have in our heads. Thanks for asking me to read this. I hope my advice can help you.

[4$H]

Thank you for the review :)
I will incorporate these changes.

[4$H]

I welcome criticism more than praise, it tells me which direction to face. Thank you.

[Cool Handless Luke]

You are welcome 4$H....i look forward to reading it again!

[4$H]

But to clear the confusion, the person is old and experiences nostalgia while remembering his mothers lap and fathers smile. And I created an element of paradox by making the character experience hell and in the end, Lord's hand aiding his final journey. Please tell me if I am wrong. Perhaps I could rephrase it.

[Cool Handless Luke]

Well that would all make sense but I just didn't get that feel from reading it myself. I can see it now that you pointed it out but maybe there are hints or other things you can add to make it more clear to the reader so they won't wonder?

[4$H]

Sure :D
Thank you soo much :)

[Cool Handless Luke]

Absolutely.