Bark's Tale

just like some memory you haunt me

just like the old dream which i foresee,

you are some fairy knocking me when i'm asleep.

just like i loved you

you,you're  my holy melancholy,

 i was growing like a creeper in a mid desert dream,

like a sleeky stem crawling up through the airy upstream.

unlike the knots on the branches,

i was a smooth stem indeed.

& just then a bud popped,

and i was love stained like one hit by a cupid shot,

a pink hue did blossomed

on that ugly rolling bark.

but still the beauty was beyond a behold,

 like some happiness on a torn up soul

the tree wondered why it took her so long

to flower and her to grow...

winter came and passed his sigh

frozen and almost lost in snow cast dies

didn't appeared for months in line

now spring was dancing and too was the munching bark

and all that slippery snow that made the  stem smooth

was gone...to make it  rough again

now,she blossomed in morning dew, a lovely cuddling new

and shone in noon, like aster upon hay loops

she smiled uptil it was full moon,

and then...

one day came an eclipsed night sneaking

and winded her to fly of the tree, off through his airy dream...

no more rough bark,the creeper  was smooth and clean again.

flying in the wind she wandered around my pale leaves,searching..

where's the creeper in deep

a wind blew and the vision was clear.

but she closed her eyes,

 as if some dust had hurt her in there,

the instant the bark mewed i'm in here.

smiling and rocking, the branch

was half sad half jolly

swinging in loud cacophony

he said at last,

" if you wish you can find me honey..

for i'm nobody but just a line in The Dumb Dream".

Reviews

[Rishabh Shaw]

it actually recites the the tale of a boy ,pictured as tree in the poem, who dreams of this pink bud,his admiration, all the time and describes the effect of her on his life till she flies away without noticing him, just an attempt she throws but all in vain just because the boy fails to catch, :( :) so is the line in the end .. 'i'm just a line in The Dumb Dream'..
which signifies the lines quoted in that poem(THE DUMB DREAM) to her,a link to understand who this guy is actually, why he's writing on her ,specially versing the very same line he wrote the time they met virtually on one valentine... 'thou beauty holds such a charm that even the snow shys, the snow shys,'...

[David Scott]

Ok...
You had my attention until the last two lines. You need to let the reader in on the context because as it stands alone, the two last lines ruin the previous well penned thoughts.
Still, I find this "busy". You pack in so much visual content that my mind has nothing to focus on. Refine and simplify for my taste.

[Rishabh Shaw]

thank you for the suggestion Scott, read my review now and tell me. this time it will make it more sensible to you. :)

[claustrophobic closet]

I like how you wrote it
the symbolism is not very clear to me though
good one (y)

[Rishabh Shaw]

read the dumb dream... it follows dat.. den it may hint u wat it meant.. :)

[Rishabh Shaw]

read my review now and let me know if it clears your thought.