Save Her

This isn’t gonna happen anytime soon. She doesn’t need a reason, she just knows that she can’t love again. She doesn’t need a boy to come wandering by, in search of effortless love to show to her that she can be cared for again.

It occurs, almost, on every full moon, that she attatches herself to someone so close. Then they lose me somewhere in this world, hoping to find another, starry eyed, young little girl.

One who will listen, but also one who will speak. The one that is not afraid to smile through her teeth.

Her smiles are not but fake only excessive.

She smiles when it’s necessary, never opressed it. But those smiles let her down, believed to be happy.

People grabbed her by the throat, depriving her of love.

She swore to herself, that it’d never be again. But this boy wandered by, the world in his eyes, in seach of some love, she swore to the man, Great up above…

That she would protect him, make him care, help him remember that love was still there

They both looked at the world, like it was only theirs, the world had nothing to give but despair

She would love him, until her very last breath.

She would love him, she would f*****g love him to death…

Author's Note

Give me some feedback.

Reviews

[Chad M. Horn]

Wow, Elena... just wow. I recently entered the shallow dating pool for the first time in over a quarter of a century. Everything is so foreign and unintelligible. I have shared the same sentiments conveyed in your poem; have sworn an oath that I would never put myself through that again. And yet, and yet...

You have rubbed the right words together to scratch the itchy innards of folks like me. I appreciate it and feel it.

[.]

Very painful writing.....

Very truthful for many of us souls who have been forged and bent in the fires of all encompassing love. We give selflessly, take the hits selflessly, vow to never again lose ourselves selflessly, yet always give in to our selfless desires in the end.

A very relevant, truthfully written piece with those final two lines summarising the tone and content of your poem perfectly. Selfless and defiant to the end. And any poem with an attached pic of the gorgeous Angelina gets my seal of approval!

Nice work.

[Kibbles and Quips]

I really enjoyed this poem. A beautiful sentiment, wonderfully written. The further along I got, the more your words resonated within me, the more empathy I saw in that gif.

My only criticism is due to form, though. I believe this piece would greatly benefit from breaking itself into smaller, more easily digestible pieces so that they stand out and are able to breath, better to allow them to be heard, settle, to resonate with the reader.

Additionally, I think that the lines, (especially the first several) can be broken up into more, shorter lines to highlight their importance, to stress them, and to guide the reader, implying the rhythm along the way.

Just my two cents. Do with it what you will. You are the only one who can see this idea in your mind. I am just trying to help you better see it by offering a different perspective.

Thanks for sharing! Please keep writing!
-Kibbles.

[Eleña ♥ Milan]

Thanks so much for the feedback, it is what I ask for. I will take your advice into consideration, and thanks for commenting. Appreciate it :)

[Kibbles and Quips]

You're quite welcome and anytime, friend! :)