Blockages and Denial By Christopher Ross Livingstone

Blockages and Denial By Christopher Ross Livingstone

 

 

On the morning of Monday the 18th of October 2021,

I received a text from my older brother 

The hospital had called him 

Mum didn't have long left

This was the day when life changed

On an instant I remember recording my voice note,

This was played into my Mum's ear as she lay sleeping to her peace

From Glasgow to Edinburgh

The distance felt long in eternity

But I travelled with hope upon a pulse

 

Arrival into Edinburgh sunken into a heavy heart

Memories from days from old

Frantically navigating the crowd of people along Waverly bridge

I was aiming onwards a bus stop and waiting on borrowed time

The bus journey endless in its destination 

Knowing this was a parting of the ways

Feeling my arrival at the hospital for 11:30 am that morning

I was too late

At 11:23 am time had itself frozen upon a moment 

The day Mum slept her way on into her peace

 

Shot like a bullet 

Blockages and denial 

Throat swelling trapping my speaking heart 

Ever since and never ready

I have been pacing and seeking 

Understanding to those questions left unanswered 

Throughout the passing of this year

Grieving and denial come hand in hand

I feel Mum with me 

Coming up to one year on

Her hand soothes these blockages 

She says to me 

'Son, release these from your healing heart

Let them go

Walk tall once more and I’ll walk alongside you

Into your journey forever I'll be watching over you

until you surrender in yours