Me

This is just me letting my thoughts out mostly about life.

So i've been thinking alot latly.

About me and my life and what I'm doing.

I'm not sure how to say this so I'll just say it.

I've been smoking pot since i was 10 or so.

I am now 16.

It's a waste of my money and my brain cells.

But it makes me feel so good.

That I dont have A care in the world.

Even though I can only be high for a few hours it's time I dont have worry, because I feel so understanding.

I know it shouldn't be worth it.

I know I shouldn't do it.

I think about these things before i do it.

People say that no one thinks about it.

It's so not true.

Yes most don't but I do.

I think about the people I could be hurting.

But then I think about how they hurt me.

I think about my family and what they mean to me.

But then I think about how they cant even love me.

I think about just doing it for myself.

But then I think of all the times I've hurt myself.

I know what it's doing to me.

But sometimes i just dont care.

Sometimes i feel like there is nothing no one can ever say or do to change my mind.

I'm lucky it hasn't gotten to the point of taking over my life.

But I think if i dont do something now it will.

 

The Question im asking is should I give into the beast. Just let it have it's fun and do what it wishes?

Or do I tame it slowly and shove out the darkest side it still has yet to see?