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Vivid imagery and very descriptive, I like the story, nicely written.

Posted 8 Years Ago

Are you familiar with Ayn Rand? Because I couldn't help but be reminded of atlas shrugged in structure of theme and the archetypes you employ. Only the initial traits mind you, I sense your characters are more human than that and less the paragons of her style. However, I have a sense of parallel within this work in terms of the initial setting within a corporate structure. I sense this will all be ripped from your main character as the story progresses, based on your blurb. All in a good way mind you :)

the interactions and references you make give a real sense of the modern day with an overall almost 70's sensibility in tone. I'm amazed you managed to blend these, (of course this is just my amateur opinion and my brain is dyslexia central so I'm probably wrong.) will more of these be going up?

my only real criticism is that some of the punctuation kind of stopped me at points, this may be just down to personal taste but I also had this one issue with Ayn Rand and still really enjoy her work as well.

you may want to change the age rating as it could get you in trouble with the admins, as I found out the hard way.

hope to seed more of this :)

Posted 8 Years Ago