One More Mistake

Just a bit of venting really.

Solid dark brown eyes, they look so empty but seem to have purpose. No one knows the true Dustin; he said himself "I never show people who I am inside". Even I who knew him intimately for two years... All my assumptions of his personality dissipated slowly. 

 

What seemed to be sunshine and flowers, long walks through winding roads discovering rays of light peeking through even the tiniest of gaps; I knew deep down inside he wouldn't fulfill every part of me.  Time passed and bickering became huge yelling matches whom both of us threatened the other with breaking up... We never could.

 

All I had to do was move about 4 states up for that to actually occur. Faithfullness I guess was not in his dictionary, nor self-control. We are why people say long distance relationships don't work.

 

When it comes down to the nitty gritty, they do not work because they reveal the emptiness that's already there. We wouldn't want to admit that and so therefore we blame one or the other, typical human behavior.

To this day I am with another man who has showed me so much love and acceptence I didn't even know exsisted. I love him as does he loves me. I am comfortable and to some that's enough.

 

But when I look at pictures of Dustin and see those dark eyes just staring back at me, strong passion erupts within me and I miss him so.

This is what perturbs me, that even though Dustin was not and cannot love me trully, he has been the only man that makes me feel so alive.  It feels as though a part of me died knowing I'll never see him again; if I do, it will be civil and restrained. Inside though, I will be hating myself.

 

But you can't have your cake and eat it too right?

 

 

Author's Note

Ignore grammar errors and this was not intended to be perfect. I just needed to get my thoughts in the open.

Reviews

[Skin]

OK venting no problem; and yes grammar is being ignored (it is bad, the grammar)

I like this:
'When it comes down to the nitty gritty, they do not work because they reveal the emptiness that's already there.'

Although I do not agree with the statement my self, It is something you can imagine in a dialogue.
If you are someone who wants to write non fiction, you should keep a note book with snippets like this. Then you have them to hand when you cant readily think of what you want to say, or as a springboard to find alternatives.
Regards Skin

[Elliana]

weep