i could not save you

like another of my poems. some things you just never move past.

life formed,

initially unknown to me,

and as months passed

i swelled with promise.

 

promise that had

two arms

two legs

ten perfect little fingernails

(that would never really grasp at life.)

 

and i felt him die before he ever even took his first breath

and watched him buried,

eyes that never even saw the world

closed tight shut.

his lips were parted slightly as if he had something to tell me.

god knows i have plenty to say to him

(even now)

i love you

i wish you were here

i wish i could have shown you how beautiful this world can be

and protected you from all that is bad.

i wish i could have shown you how much i love you

love you even now.

 

and as i watched him buried

i accepted my terrible secret:

my darling, my boy, he perished inside of me,

the person who should have been his savior.

Author's Note

not edited. first draft.

Reviews

[Darkwaters]

That was beautiful and sad. As a mom myself I feel your loss. I don't know if we ever feel that we've done enough or have protected enough because it is such a soul deep belief that we, the parents but especially the moms, are all that stands between their life and death.

[paradise]

this is so sad it made me want to cry but its beautiful

[Child]

:(...i don't know what to say ,but i love this.

[La Belle Dame Sans Merc..]

Very strong voice, emotionally. Grief over loss of a stillborn is conveyed quite clearly and I do like the use of parentheses which is almost like a soft whisper of regret though I think it needs some tweaking particularly in this stanza in order to utilize it to it's full extent:


and i felt him die before he ever even took his first breath
and watched him buried,
eyes that never even saw the world
closed tight shut.
his lips were parted slightly as if he had something to tell me.
god knows i have plenty to say to him
(even now)~perhaps get rid of this one. redundant and unnecessary
i love you
i wish you were here
i wish i could have shown you how beautiful this world can be
and protected you from all that is bad.
i wish i could have shown you how much i love you
(love you even now.)~ instead of "even now", use the word still?

Just some minor thoughts. Well done overall.

[Lucy Kennedy]

Wow, that was truly beautiful and a topic not touched on commonly. My mother had lost a child, and I know many who have. I am also pregnant and of course thats a common fear as well. You know a piece of writing is good when it brings tears to others eyes and this poem has done that. For me atleast. Great work.

[Legion]

:( What an ode to life and death in one sweep. Beautifully haunting as well. Kudos.

[Richard McLin]

Oh I can say is DAMN... I'm so sorry ( I know you have read that a lot, but I am), This is a great piece. I'm sure it could be fine tuned a bit, but what you have down now is very powerful.

Richard.

[You Don't Know Me]

God, it's been forever since I've been on this site. You were the first person I decided to read because I could never forget how much I love your writing and all the emotions it stirred in me. This one is no exception. I know it's irrelevant to say this, but I'm so sorry you have gone through such a horrible loss, however, your writing seems to be your newfound savior... because this piece of writing has a life of its own.

Irrelevant to say as well, but... I miss you, and your writing.

[James K. Blaylock]

This is so utterly heartbreaking. I'm so very sorry for your great loss. Hopefully time will heal those deep wounds.

[ComfortableLiar]

i really like this. it's so sad and i'm sorry for your loss.