Plane's Going Down...

I wrote this several years ago in response to some private jokes with some friends. It is only one in a series of similar stories. I'm putting it on here because I'm curious how people will respond to it. Let me stress now: CRITIQUE IS HIGHLY ENCOURAGED.

Briana had boarded the plane two hours ago, and in just a few more hours she would be in Las Vegas, the city of her dreams. Staring out the window, she daydreamed about the lights, the sights, and, best of all, the money she would make.

"Hi! I'm Susie, and I'll be your flight attendant this evening. Would you like anything to eat?" the voice of the flight attendant brought Briana back to reality, "Excuse me, are you hungry?"

Briana snapped around, embarassed that the flight attendant had seen the silly grin on her face. Scowling, Briana asked, "What do you want?"

Without changing her congenial expression the attendant replied, "Is there anything you'd like to order for dinner tonight?"

"Oh, well, I guess I'll have something. Do you have macaroni and cheese?" Briana gave in to her hunger, even though she knew that food on a plane was always more expensive than anywhere else.

"Um, okay, let's see... Yes, of course we do! Here at Dolta our motto is 'always be prepared!' Or is it 'Hakkunah Matata'? Maybe it's 'The customer's always right'. No, that can't be it... Oh well, I'm new," Susie smiled apoligetically and left to see about the meal.

Twenty minutes later Susie returned carrying a tray covered in cheese, with a little macaroni that hadn't yet fallen off the plate. Just as Susie arrived at Briana's asile, however, there was a huge jolt that knocked the tray out of Susie's hands and into an old man's lap. The plane suddenly turned sideways, but soon righted itself to an extent. Briana heard a buzzing sound and the lights went out.

"We're having some technical difficulties," Briana heard the pilot speaking over the intercom, "It's just a bit of turbulence and some minor engine troubles. No need to panic. I repeat, DO NOT PANIC!"

After he said this Briana and the other passengers heard muffled speaking, "How many parachutes do we have? Only two?! You can't be serious! Well, you and I can take them now before anyone knows the... hey, this thing is still on. S**t."

Click.

Briana looked out the window just in time to see the pilot and the copilot jumping from the plane. "Um, Susie, dear, I've changed my mind," Briana calmly turned to the flight attendant who was still beside her, "Take back the meal and get me some whiskey. Four bottles should do just fine."

-----------------------LATER----------------------------------

The firefighter looked through the wreckage, shaking his head. Thankfully, no one had died (yet), but most of the passengers were seriously injured and the rest were missing. The pilot and the copilot were nowhere to be seen.

Just as the firefighter turned to address the press, he saw an unusual sight. Coming out of the woods near the crash site were two young women -- two very drunk women -- leaning on each other and singing loudly while swinging whiskey bottles. As they approached, the firefighter could make out the words of their song, "Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirate's life for me!"

One of the women was wearing the suit of a dolta flight attendant. The other -- a lime green hat.

Author's Note

I can't stress enough: I want critique. Lots of it. The good, the bad, and the pretty (hey, just trying to be different).

Reviews

[Ms. Spriggs]

Hah. Uhh.. probably unrealistic, but hey if I was going down and there was a parachute and bottle of whiskey..

No really, though. An amusing piece, though the unreal idea of pilots jumping from the plane upon immediate random engine trouble, having everyone survive on the plane, and then two ladies drunkenly joking about it warrants a little suspicion. Maybe not though, with a little further development of the story. Had we seen these ladies as careless, selfish individuals, or the pilots as idiots who couldn't fly, then maybe we could get a firm enough grasp on why this happened, without too much explanation.

I guess what I am trying to say is love the idea of people screwing others over for their own lives', just add a little? I would have liked to see the drunk women react to the scene, even if it's some kind of one line quote. Could be funny: "S**t, sucks to be them." The women burst in laughter. Or Sobering: When the two gleefully singing women saw the wrecked plane, smeared in blood, they speechlessly looked into each others eyes, realizing what fate had done.

These may not be good suggestions, but you know. Kudos to being different--you do not know how much I cannot stand endless poetry. It's ADHD for the writer on here (I'm stepping on toes now... not that I don't think there is good poetry written as well).

I do like your last, brief, line. It in a sense captures the humor meant for the piece.