Vision

    Throughout the rest of the night my vision when in and out and I remember his body. Aelvid he was hot as hell and man he was muscular. I thought the next morning in his bed man I want a piece of him. So, the rest of that day things got hot and steamy. It started out with good morning how was your night and then went into a flirting war and I don’t know if you want the details to the rest of what happened but let's just say thing were hot and steamy. To mention this was just the afternoon later that night I tried to go home he said, “why you don’t want to stay with me baby?" That just made me feel bad so I started flirting with him and getting closer to him when I was in arms reach he grabbed me and kissed me but not gently It was rough and the next thing I know I'm up against a wall and being given a drink so I took it. Then we went back in to kissing and that’s the last thing I remember. In the morning when I woke up my head was spinning, I tried to move my hands, but I couldn’t move them. They had been tied to a bed frame in a room that looked like it was made of foam. He walked into the room and said, “good morning my love, how are you?” I answered back, “Hmm, I don’t know you tell me how do you think I am I'm being tied up in a room.” He just looked at her. She sat there thinking what if this is just some dream, I mean I am in lingerie. Wait what I'm in lingerie how did that happen I don’t think this is a dream anymore. I remember where I know that guy from its my best friend well... was my best friend Nick Aelvid Vanderwalt. Oh, My Holy Hell, what in the hell is going on. How did I not see that before? He came over an untied one of my hands then said, “I’ll be right back.” When he left, I took the hand that was untied and freed the other hand and began to untie me feet but suddenly I heard his voice behind me. He said, “Man I really didn’t think you’d do that so now you have to be punished and this time not asleep. You shall feel every single thing I do to your perfect body.” Me and my smart mouth said, “Oh yeah really so you’ve done this to me before good to know (I was teasing him).” He says, “Oh I don’t know, do you remember anything from last night.” I tried to remember but all I can recall is the drink, the wall and being kissed very roughly. But I also remember this strange dream that almost felt real. So, I went with my gut and looked down at my wrist to see two cuts. 

Author's Note

I wrote chapters one, two and three together any advice on them?

Reviews

[Christoph]

You've jumped right into the heart of the story, which is great. There's a lot of delicious tension here.

I feel like Rose is perhaps a bit passive. It might be a part of her character, but it's easier for readers to connect with characters who are actively working toward a goal. You can even give her smaller goals, something as simple as itching her nose, if it's important to the story that she is mostly acted upon by Aelvid.

I'm interested to see what happens next, so you're doing something right. I think you've got the natural instincts of a writer.

[Einstein Noodle]

now we know more about the story ... i think you do a good job of showing us who the characters are ... with lines like ... " ... now I have to punish you" ..and "Me and my smart mouth.." showing is better that telling when we write ... not always easy ;) the turn in your last sentence is spot on for raising my curiosity ...
E.