home

an attempt at writing a senryu

home is just a place

where one hangs his hat and coat;

oh, and love lives there.

 

dan © 2016

Author's Note

Critiques? Good or BAD, I can take it...

Reviews

[.]

A lovely senryu, Dan. Three lines, seventeen syllables, no rhyme. Just spot on.

Indeed; A home is a place filled with our material possessions, but it is also the nest in which we shelter and the
source of all our love.

Another very good write, Dan. Now i understand what a senryu is, so thanks for that. Take care.

[dan]

Yes, I do write SOME shorter pieces now and again, but most of my pieces are longer; I'm just SO verbose when I write...and when I talk...and when----well, you get the picture. Thanks so much for the insightful review. take care...dan

[Dani The Unreviewed]

In these few lines...I felt like "home" became a bit "alien " to you, but quickly settled when the "Love lives there" part came. So nice job

[dan]

Thanks Danny. My initial idea was the title and the last line. The first two lines quickly fell into place. I appreciate the kind words. take care...dan

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really like how the last line comes as almost an afterthought...as if the first two lines are most important...to have that place to come home to...but also, how gratifying if love exists in that place...makes it even more comfy...

i like the questions raised by the ending...leaves the poem open.

love when much is said in that really short space...the less said the more we can read into it.

[dan]

Well, I kind of owe it to you to be inspired enough to try it. And 'home' and the last line were the idea; other two lines fell into place. Thanks for the push and the kind words. take care...dan