home

an attempt at writing a senryu

home is just a place

where one hangs his hat and coat;

oh, and love lives there.

 

dan © 2016

Author's Note

Critiques? Good or BAD, I can take it...

Reviews

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

I think one can make a home anywhere if they try!
Hopefully, the love comes with it, too.
Nice reflection on the word and what it means.

[dan]

This piece was inspired by a phone call with my brother, reminiscing about our childhood home when our Mom, Dad and sister were still alive. Love truly did live there. Thank you for your kind words. take care...dan

[Amber Lily]

Short and sweet yet very true. There is no place like home! A simple read to remind others to enjoy what they have. Great work :)

[dan]

Thank you Amber. I have been experimenting with haiku and senryu to sharpen my skills for my longer writes. And yes, home can be where much love resides. Thanks again! take care...dan

[JayceeC]

I like the voice in this and even the bit of complacency, add if love is such an integral part that is almost forgotten in the description because it is so obvious.

[dan]

I wrote it this way because I believe that too many of us take the love at home (for MOST of us?) for granted. When I get down it helps me to think of what I DO have, a loving home to go to. Thanks so much for your review, and can you please send me some read requests. I really had a backlog of them for awhile but am pretty much caught up now (I think I'm down to about 45). Have a great weekend Jan, and give my best to Otto. take care...dan

[AaronFreitas]

I like it... simple yet the reader can interpret or relate it to the feeling of their home. Senryu is tough... I haven't played too much with it but I did like this one buddy :)

[dan]

Aaron, Hey I like your new pic! Nice hat (Yankees, right? I've got over 70 ball caps, I keep them in rotation!)
Yeah, there's an old saying, "Home is where the heart is." Had that old truism in mind when I wrote this. Thanks so much for the read/review. Hey, why don't you send me some read requests. I always like your stuff. take care...dan

[AaronFreitas]

It definitely is true. When I went through my divorce my ex stayed in my old house for a while and I moved into the country into a smaller house. Even though in comparison the two homes were night and day... this became home. Where I wrote, where I laid my head at night and where I shed tears trying to figure things out.
Yeah it's a Yankees hat... I love hats haha. I haven't written in quite a while now. I guess we can say writers block but more just trying to change some things in life. Find happier times and in time the writing will come back.

[dan]

Yeah I went through a nasty divorce from my first wife and had to move from Florida to my hometown, Pittsburgh. It was rough for a couple of years. But then I met an angel and we've been together 23 years now. And home IS where my heart is at peace. I'll try to get a new pic wearing one of my Pirate hats and use it as my avatar. HATS RULE!! (oops, did I say that too LOUD??) Take care buddy and when your block is dislodged shoot me some RRs, OK? I always like your writes. take care...dan

[AaronFreitas]

Sounds good buddy :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree. Home is where love can be found. Thank you Dan for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[dan]

Thank you John, I always appreciate your feedback. take care...dan

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Dan.

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

this is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this poem!!!!!!!!! amazing job!!!!!!!!!!!

[dan]

Thank you. I don't write many short poems (haiku or senryu), I like the medium length best, it's my comfort zone if you will. Or even if you won't. 8^)
I'd like you to please explain the shadow people concept. Just a brief description and no...I DON'T consider the idea weird at all. It may turn out that I should be included in that group, because I am VERY weird due to my MH disorders, mostly (I believe some of my weirdness is genetically passed to me...whatever). Thank you for the read/review. take care...dan

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

welcome, i will send you a message explaining it

[Ruth]

Interesting that the love comes as the final line/thought...or perhaps it shows that the hat and coat are nothing in comparison because the love is everything there, either way...I like this a lot :)

[dan]

Poppy, My initial idea was of the last line and title. The first two lines? It occurred to me that they would effectively provide a foundation for the final line. Thanks so much for your review and kind words. take care...dan

[Ruth]

My pleasure Dan :)

[ANTO]

My own favourite way of writing these is all lower case and zero punctuation leaving it to the reader to inject their own pauses and over 'feel' Dan but that's purely a personal pref.
This fits the bill as Doodley has said and truly it does convey an undeniable truth in terms of what a home should be.
Did you enjoy trying it?

[dan]

It WAS inspired by my returning home from the hospital Thursday, plus jacob erin-cilberto posted a very nice senryu the other day that motivated me to try (I've not really written that many in my life). I appreciate the review and kind words. take care...dan

[Taylor]

Dan, I can only comment on poetry regarding my reaction to it. Truly I know nothing about poetry; even my college professors couldn't convince me to like it. Very embarrassed and sorry to say that. However, I am a person committed to the truth -- so there you have it. However, I like the simplicity of this poem and I really like the sort of "afterthought" of the last line. That is what makes it home and so often taken for granted. You have represented that so well.

[dan]

Thank you so much. The sentiment behind the words is what I was relating. Now I owe you one review but can't do it now...family event to attend. But I made a note on my desk, will do it later this evening, OK? take care...dan

[Gee]

Like this Dan even though not a fan of senryu.A house is but that until occupied by love,it then becomes a home.Lovely thought

[dan]

Thank you Gee. I don't write structured poems that often, just like to keep them in mind occasionally. I am very happy you considered my though lovely. Now I'm heading for your page to return the review favor. take care...dan