Closeted Clothes

when one is very young and loses a first love in an auto accident, how does one put those feelings into words? brokenly and awkwardly, as it turns out....

If you fall forward, my toothpick,

On my bravery rely;

Fall back if you have to…but hit ground

And you die.

Get dragged by your hair, through the thicket

I s’pose…

Go ride on the carousel with your closeted

Clothes.

If you ask me again can I give you

A whack?

I will pay for your pride, get you on the right

Track.

Please stop calling me Sunshine, I won’t be your

Flavor…

Yes, I WILL take a life, but it’ll cost you a

Favor.

Run a lap ‘round your conscience, call it 100

Meters.

Crush the corn into mash…cuz life isn’t no

Sweeter.

If a toothpick dies early does it linger

Above?

It will always be counted, remembered

With love.

 

dan © 2016

Music: “Suddenly Last Summer,” by The Motels

Author's Note

Reviews

[Kathryn Smith]

I love this poem Dan. Full of raw emotion. I also really enjoyed the music! Isnt it amazing how writing and music go so well together?

[dan]

When one's first love dies in an auto accident very young grief and memories stir up a mixed bag of emotions. How does one make sense of it? Is the grief ever forgotten?
The incident happened suddenly one summer. Hence the music. I'm so glad you enjoyed the piece, thank you! take care...dan

[Ruth]

To lose someone like such, I would imagine, would be difficult to voice and words, like these, would be the doorway to purge that sorrow, perhaps...the stages of grief are as complex as they are simple...always a shift within grief as time goes on...a powerful piece Dan that lingers...blessings...

[dan]

I had Kubler-Ross' 5 stages of grief in mind to commemorate one who died too long ago, too young. And how it is still way too difficult to find the right words to honor this friend. Grief lasts way too long also in some cases; it can seem that the final shovelfuls of dirt are still being scattered on the grave. After all this time words still fail. Thank you, Poppy, for your intuitive review. take care...dan

[E G TEN]

Hey Dan, read it a few times and enjoyed it very much, awesome choices of words, and the format
Of this piece is quite unique. The mood changes from each stages of the poem. Which
Makes it more interesting. Thanks EG

[dan]

To lose a loved one way too early seems to be dealt with by an emotional jumble, Kubler-Ross' 5 stages of grief. I only manage 3 or 4 in this piece, but I'm no Kubler-Ross, am I? Thanks so much for the review and kind words. take care...dan

[E G TEN]

Your Welcome Dan, you did very well in this piece. I will read more about K Ross,
And see if I can challenge myself on this kind of writing. Thanks again EG

[JayceeC]

Dan, I hear a jumble of emotion in this one. Sadness first and foremost, but there is also a bit of anger and bitterness that leaks through. But that happens with loss, no matter when or how it happens, I think.

[dan]

Yes, Kubler-Ross' 5 stages of grief, my version anyway. Some grief is never ending, I'm afraid. A pain that never truly goes away. Thank you for your perceptive review Jan. take care...dan

[jacob erin-cilberto]

just wrings with sadness...love your wording...and your theme made me think of J. Frank Wilson's "Last kiss"

"i've got to be good, so i can see my baby when i leave this world"---

[dan]

Thank you for your kind words, jacob. Losing a love at an early age is never easy (at any age actually), heartache forever. I'm not familiar with the Wilson piece, I'll have to try to look it up. Thanks again. take care...dan

[.]

This is a beautiful write, Dan.

It reads to me like a poem on a loved one lost, perhaps to accident, and a longing for this "toothpick".

Ive noticed more rhyme in your work lately Dan, and It lends itself brilliantly to your writing.
Keep them coming. Take care.

[dan]

Yes a love lost long ago, to an accident. This is one of the few straight rhymes I've done in a while, but a lot of my writing employs internal rhyme in a different time signature, slightly off. I appreciate your review, so on target. take care...dan

[.]

Give me a review of my poem "Hermetic Wings" when you can. I like to hear your thoughts.

[dan]

Can you send me a read request? We have our grandson visiting for the weekend, I probably won't do reviews till tomorrow...by then I might forget. RR's help me keep track of reviews I need to do. Thank you...dan