This hits a personal note for me ans this was my grandfather after my gran died- he neded up turning to alcohol. This is a really good, emotive piece of writing that arouses sympathy for the man in the poem.
Juat a suggestion but not a criticism in any way. This could be developed by him recalling what she would have said and could show him beginning to cope so the poem would end on a note of hope. As I said this is what I would consider and is just an idea. If you can use then glad i might have helped. :-)
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
First of all, thank you for taking the time for the read/review. Your suggestion is something I actu.. read moreFirst of all, thank you for taking the time for the read/review. Your suggestion is something I actually thought about doing but decided against it. I believe the loneliness hits home much more starkly if her presence is only in his memory, not discussed as dialogue. I wanted that feeling of him standing at the edge of the abyss. The closest I got to what you suggest is when he stops at the diner for eggs the way she used to make them. No closer than that. Thank you for the suggestion, though and again, thanks for the review. take care...dan
The big empty...this was a tough read for personal reasons. The emotions sucked out did it's job. That's good writing. P.s. you don't have to explain how you drew this out i read some reviews lol
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
lynn, Thanks so much for your welcome words. As you probably read, I also had a personal emotional c.. read morelynn, Thanks so much for your welcome words. As you probably read, I also had a personal emotional connection to bear. I'm sorry for your personal situation. take care...dan
I may be young, but I know exactly how this can feel...That lonely feeling of being left, especially when you aren't anticipating it. I know you said you normally create poetry on fiction but I feel and relate so much to this that I can't help but say I'm sorry. Just in case you have been through this. I'm here for you!
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
River, this was actually inspired by 1) a story on the local news, and...2) an uncle whose wife (my .. read moreRiver, this was actually inspired by 1) a story on the local news, and...2) an uncle whose wife (my aunt) died, leaving him lost inside himself. On a visit to him after becoming a widower, he told me and my wife, "I don't really want to die now, but I don't really know how to live." One of the saddest things I had ever heard. This still hits me hard because I'm 58 and my wife is 62; one of us may be in these shoes in the not-so-distant future. Thanks so much for your empathic review. take care...dan
I couldn't help but think of Les Misérables upon seeing the title of this.
The heartbreak is intense throughout your poem. Good work.
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Luna, this was inspired by a local news story and the true story of one of my uncles who lost his wi.. read moreLuna, this was inspired by a local news story and the true story of one of my uncles who lost his wife (my aunt) and had a hard time moving forward. On a visit he told me, "It's not that I really want to die now, it's just that I really don't know how to live." Really sad. Thank you for your review. take care...dan
excellent write, music accompaniment fabulous... I love what you have done here.
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Todd, thank you again for the read/review. I kinda like what I've done here also. 8^) take care...da.. read moreTodd, thank you again for the read/review. I kinda like what I've done here also. 8^) take care...dan
So touching.. I can feel the emotions lifting right off the words
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Etta, Thank you so much for your empathic review. I know you are in my friends group, but I have a h.. read moreEtta, Thank you so much for your empathic review. I know you are in my friends group, but I have a hard time keeping up with my reviewing obligations for my friends. If you would, please send me read requests whenever you post new writes. I ALWAYS reply to read requests. Thanks! take care...dan
This really touched me. You can feel the emptiness, something missing.
How very heart breaking.
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Ana, This is loosely based on a local news story I saw and an uncle whose wife, my aunt, passed away.. read moreAna, This is loosely based on a local news story I saw and an uncle whose wife, my aunt, passed away and left his a shell of his former self. It's sad to think of how many more situations like this are going on now in the world. And I fear that I may end up in the same boat if my wife passes before me. So there is some personal trepidation involved here also. Thank you so much for your empathic review. take care...dan
You have left me teary eyed Dan...remembering my father the first year after my mother passed away. Thankfully it was only for a year and then he accepted help and joined a seniors community. Your words are full of compassion - they just curl right up in my heart.
Wonderful writing my friend
:) Julie
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Julie, Thanks so much. This piece was inspired by a local news story in which a prominent local citi.. read moreJulie, Thanks so much. This piece was inspired by a local news story in which a prominent local citizen lost his wife and then his life unraveled. I also had an uncle whose wife, my aunt, passed away and he was lost without her. On a visit he told me, "I don't really want to die but I don't really know how to live." They had been married 48 years. He died a short 4 years after her, having spent his last two years in an assisted living facility, broken hearted. It was so sad I'm still shaken by the memory. Thank you so much for your empathetic review. take care...dan
I have this LP, and adore the song and its songwriter!
Your words show us a glimpse into our own future, the stark reminder of what awaits us in growing old. My grandmother lived this kind of life, she lost her husband at a young age and never remarried. She died at 92, with a heart still full of love for one man.
I ache to know this awaits me...the windows and walls, the empty chairs and the silence. What a compassionate heart you have, Dan...to bring it all to light so brilliantly!
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Kelly, Thanks so much. The inspiration for this was a story on local news about a one-time prominent.. read moreKelly, Thanks so much. The inspiration for this was a story on local news about a one-time prominent city official going through a terrible time after the death of his wife. I also had an uncle whose wife (my aunt) passed, leaving him rocked. On a visit to him he told me, "I don't really want to die but I don't really know how to live." He lived 4 more years, and I imagine his life was much like the write or the song. Thank you for your kind words. take care...dan
The title immediately reminded me of Don McClean's song by that name. While his words are very, very sad, yours are more realistic, (though still quite sad) involving the day to day life of someone in that situation.
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Samuel, I wasn't aware of the McLean song; my thought was that even when the man was sitting in one .. read moreSamuel, I wasn't aware of the McLean song; my thought was that even when the man was sitting in one of the chairs it was still, technically, empty. This is loosely based on a story from the local news, I took the bare outline and came up with this. Thank you so much for your read/review. I've had you page bookmarked for awhile and will do my best to get over there to return the favor. (You could send me read requests, I always respond to them) take care...dan