cardboard crosses

bury me in all my favorite colors (My Chemical Romance)

cardboard crosses

 

block me if you’d like, but know

my love’s got a way of following you;

no, not like a stalker…

i’m plainly visible

(don’t stalkers sneak?)

my game is weak, I can’t really flirt,

my hurt is scrawled across my face,

obvious to all who care to wait.

 

strike me with your coldness,

deliver my pain to the finish line;

nail said pain to cardboard crosses and

bury me in a cold tin can.

 

treat me like I’m memorialized

on the hardscrabble roadside;

with flowers and stuffed bears

and that one lonely cross

cut from cardboard, due to

a lack of (sturdy) wood.

 

dan © 2015

Reviews

[Michelle Coleman]

Not all takers are invisible. F.Y.I. I have had a few and they were always making themselves seen. I found it to be disturbing and sometimes frightening.

With that said, I immediately began to relate to someone experiencing cold rejection. The feelings you drudge up are quite similar. But then I began to wonder and had to go back and reread the title of your poem.

Are there two messages being delivered here? All across the states, I have passed these markers on lonely highways and back roads. I always wonder at the people who leave them for the ones unexpectedly taken and what this means for them.

Your lines are brilliant.

[dan]

The stalker is just a metaphor for one who has expressed his love to one who never reciprocated even after leading him to believe he had a chance. His love is dead to her, hence the dead, buried and memorialized references. Just a star-crossed lover who misread all signals; the stark realization then sets in. Thanks so much for your review. My lines are not really brilliant just an indication of feelings and past experience being memorialized also. take care...dan

[Michelle Coleman]

That was my first thought. 😊

[Ana D S M]

Dan, this could be felt and it hurt. Both parties hurt in these situations. So very relatable.
Outstanding job in capturing simple human emotion and behaviour.

[dan]

Thanks so much. I like to draw an outline for a reader and allow them to color within the lines to let the ideas conveyed take the reader in any direction, some options. take care...dan

[Ana D S M]

You're welcome. :)

[Jerome F Knox III pseud..]

there is a raw honesty that I like in this poem. Style wise I like the back on forth banter that you are having with yourself.

no, not like a stalker…

i’m plainly visible

(don’t stalkers sneak?)

brilliant lines here

strike me with your coldness,
deliver my pain to the finish line;
nail said pain to cardboard crosses and
bury me in a cold tin can.

then these lines trasition to the ending which delivered the message to us in plain detail

[dan]

Rico, Thank you for your complimentary review. Your insight into the content is really on point, more or less reflecting my intended thoughts. Thank you for reviewing this in such an insightful way. take care...dan

[MsJewel]

Wow...you have outdone yourself with this one Dan...so many great lines..and the ending...perfect! I love everything about this...definitely a poem for my library.

:) Julie

[dan]

Julie, Thank you for the great review and especially the fact that you considered this piece library worthy. Thanks so much! take care...dan

[dan]

my review? well, it's not shakespeare but you can call it william

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow, this is really really good--
put me in that tin can...and the cardboard crosses because of lack of sturdy wood.

memorialized in hardscrabble roadside.....what a line...
nothing sneaky, nothing covert...

i am out there for you, in plain sight.

[dan]

Jacob, I posted a reply and it disappeared. Did you receive it? If not, thank you for your enthusiastic thumbs up. Yes, I managed to eke out a few decent lines. I always surprise myself when I do that. 8^) take care...dan

[Jamestown]

This is a fantastic piece of work, I really appreciate the metaphor use,
very creative and the title is perfect for the message being delivered, bravo!
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[dan]

Jamestown, Thank you for your kind words and your detailed review. I don't get to your writes often enough, I know that. I'm headed to your page now. Send me read requests and I'll be sure to review your work. Have a great day, sir. take care...dan

[....................]

Such an intriguing piece dan. I like the modern aspect of "blocking" in your first stanza and the description of your not being able to flirt because you wear your pain on your face. The image of crucifying pain on a cardboard cross demonstrates how insignificantly the other views said pain. And the final stanza creates the perfect image in my mind of struggle and loneliness. Great write sir!

[dan]

Hey, you're the "sir" around here! 8^) Thanks so much for your interpretation (really on point) and taking the time to review. Have a good one. take care...dan

[....................]

:) I don't know about that dan but you are kindly welcome. Have a great one my friend!! - FT

[dan]

FT, I know you've got a read review in my queue, I promise I will get to it, probably later today. take care...dan

[Ricky Campbell]

Wow! Great write! I like the enjambment, and the message! Grammar is also good. Great write!

[dan]

Thank you, Ricky. Thanks, too, for the good-grammar shout out. There are a lot of writers on this website and others who don't realize how important grammar and punctuation are if you expect to be taken seriously. Have a great day! take care..dan