a love entombed

a widower grieves, his late wife entombed, along with his love for her

a love entombed

 

with a garbled gasp they choose their words and thoughts,

arranged to give them some anxious wiggle-room,

but now the gasps have turned to shivers and shudders

as they stand, barely breathing, before the dusky tomb.

 

with words so scarce, they turn away from precious pain

while the light escapes and the sharpened darkness looms.

the crypt is cracked and crumbling from the brutal wind and rain

but the one inside lay quietly, decaying beneath this crystal moon.

 

they struggle to recall the one inside, her cracked and fated life,

but memories blow like brittle branches in the weeping wind;

while the one who’s clinging tightly to the spirit of his wife

sheds a teardrop and is led away; tomorrow will bring him back again.

 

dan © 2015

Reviews

[....................]

Your description is as powerfully written as the poem itself. This piece must hit home for many who read it as we have all lost loved ones in our lives. This piece has closer meaning to me because I witnessed my father's trickle into the abyss after my mother passed away. Life was over for him then and there, it just took his body eleven years to realize it. Thanks for sharing!

[dan]

FT, Thank you! This piece was actually inspired by a true story on the local news; the story was actually way more touching, I could not for the life of me do it justice. The couple on the news was married 66 years! I feel bad for what your dad went through, that must have been a helpless feeling having to stand by and watch that happen to him. Thanks so much for your understanding and your kind review. take care...dan

[....................]

If it is the story of the couple holding hands in their final hours and one passing away just before the other, as they had always wished, then I read that too and was thinking of something to write.

You are welcome sir!

FT

[dan]

Actually it was a story about a couple in the same personal care home...she passed away and he was fading fast until he asked to be taken to her gravesite. The staff ended up taking him every day, and he is still alive and doing well 3 years later. He is now 95. Your story sounds great too. take care...dan

[....................]

Wow! A great story indeed!

[klarity]

I love how you first put an emphasis on the body language of the loved ones rather than his sadness which comes towards the end. The fact that you bring what would be considered to be the most important part of loss in the end, just makes the piece all the more brilliant. The emotional part finally wins us over and brings tears to our eyes. I love it. I'm glad I owed you a review

[dan]

klarity, And I am glad you read/reviewed this piece. Your comments are very insightful and I appreciate your analysis, as it pretty much dovetails with the intent of the piece. Let's keep reviewing each other? I mean, we are already "friends," so I would appreciate (if you want to) sending me read requests. I get a ton of them but I'd like to keep up with your writes, as I consider you a young poet who seems to be on the right track to becoming an OUTSTANDING young poet. I will offer you nothing but an honest opinion and any encouragement that may be helpful. take care...dan

[klarity]

That's really nice of you to say Dan. Yes, I guess we are friends now. :) I have to admit, I only just recently discovered the "read request" button. It would be my pleasure to send you some.
I am truly honored that you would compliment my work like that. Thank you.
By the way, as friends, you should be able to call me by my real name. Klara.

[dan]

OK, Klara...here we go as read/review buddies. (Man, that sounded really corny, yes?) see ya...dan

[klarity]

It really did. Haha

[Precious]

this is sad and at the same time touching ,that's powerful and creative writing .

[dan]

Precious, Thank you so much for your kind words and your read/review. I have bookmarked your page and will return the favor, maybe tonight (hopefully...but definitely eventually) Thanks again! take care...dan

[Precious]

your welcome

[MsJewel]

Dan, I can relate so well to your words, having lost the one who had my heart - for a long time I only felt peace when I went to visit his grave... You have touched my heart and left me a little teary eyed this evening. Brilliant, heartfelt writing Dan.

Julie

[dan]

Julie, I'm so sorry to learn of your loss, and I'd be glad to know that my piece has given you some solace, however limited it may have been. I have lost loved ones, but never one with whom I was IN love. I'm saying a prayer for you to have peace in your heart to make all your memories of him be joyous. Thank you for your review. take care...dan

[ANTO]

You captured death so well - the awkwardness of mourners - wanting to comfort but unable to find words or just to be seen as being in attendance - the first night of the deceased person being left alone with memories of her already fading with the light and the poor spouse who will create a new routine of life based around regular visits to weep, to talk and to pray until his time comes for the whole thing to be played out again.
Grounding writing Dan - sorry to hear your health isn't great - God Bless my friend.

[dan]

Anto, Thanks for the wonderful and insightful review. This piece was actually inspired by a true story on the local news...staff at the personal care home takes him every day to see his wife's gravesite, keeping his love for her alive (and him as well) He is now 95 yo. take care...dan

[ANTO]

I understand Dan - your welcome
My own neighbour took his life less than one week after his wife of 40+ years died of cancer - they were always together in life - went everywhere together until she became ill. So sad.

[dan]

That's so terribly sad. Although I think I understand the feelings he must have had. He hadn't been alone in so long he forgot how to do it. That's tragic. take care...dan

[ANTO]

Yes - I think I understand now - and all his kids had their own families - it was devastating to bury their parents one after the other within weeks like that. Thanks Dan

[Confuser]

This is crushing and so believeable - Dan it is heartbreaking and heartwrenching at the same time: Your writing is phenomenal and the visual froze my senses with sadness at every word: the anxiety felt; words cannot express such a terrible pain: garbled gasp, shivers and shudders: Raw, Powerful writing.
they struggle to recall the one inside, her cracked and fated life,
but memories blow like brittle branches in the weeping wind;
while the one who’s clinging tightly to the spirit of his wife
sheds a teardrop and is led away; tomorrow will bring him back again.
Thank you so much. Dale

[dan]

Dale, this was actually inspired by a local news story about a couple married 66 years. The staff at the widower's personal care home take him every day to her gravesite. His health had been failing after the wife died, but now he has lived over 3 more years, buoyed by the lift he gets from the visits. He's 95. Thanks so much for your great review. Your complimentary words are overwhelming, leading me to think, "I'm not THAT good; am I?" take care...dan

[Confuser]

To me you are: very talented; Great writing. Dale: Take care of yourself. Thank you & You're welcome. Dale

[Michelle Coleman]

My heart breaks a bit reading this. You have a beautiful way with words, even when they lead through the dark.

I absolutely love this poem.

[dan]

Thank you, Michelle. This was actually inspired from a local news story about a couple who had been married 66 years when the wife died. He was taken, every day since, to visit her grave; this reverence buoyed his spirits and has lived over 3 more years. He's now 95. Once I had that muse the poem practically wrote itself. Thank you so much for your kindly review! take care...dan

[Michelle Coleman]

Did you share it with him?

[dan]

Did I share it with whom? No, this guy was in a news story on TV. I don't know him, it just inspired me to write the poem. thanks again...dan

[Michelle Coleman]

I bet he would love it. 😊

[Kelly Scheppers]

This overflows with sadness, Dan...but you write from a very deep well of emotion. My mother lost her husband at the age of 33, left with 4 children under the age of 11. I often wonder how she got through it...perhaps our memories sustain us more than we know.

[dan]

This was inspired by a local news story about a couple married 66 years. The wife died and shortly thereafter the widower's health started failing. The staff took him to her gravesite and it seemed to rally his spirits; they then, and now, took him every day. He is still alive 3+ years later. I'm sorry about your dad(?) and mom, but that had to be hard on you also. My dad died when I was 14, 44 years ago and it still hurts. It's a testament to your resilience that you recovered from that trauma. Thank you for the review! take care...dan

[~]

It is s powerful write. I like the casual semantics of it because it gives the poem a more approachable tone. It is not easy to bury someone we love, because the living have to experience waking up missing that love. Thank you for sharing Dan!

[dan]

And thank YOU for the kind words. This was actually inspired by a local news story last week. I'm so glad you liked it. I'd write more on this but I am in poor health right now and losing strength. Thanks again. take care...dan

[~]

Ohh... hope you feel better soon!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

there are always tomorrows...but they are harder to embrace when having spent so many years with a loved one...and then finding oneself alone.

my dad and mom had been married 70 years...she left in september...and he is losing the will i think...
this is a beautifully descriptive and sad piece.

[dan]

Jacob, Ironically this was inspired by a local news story about a couple in a personal care home who had been married 66 years. She died and his health started failing; the staff took him to her gravesite and they ended up taking him every day. He's still alive 3+ years later. Your story about you parents is also sad and touching, I'll say a prayer for your dad. Thank you for the story and review. take care...dan