Down the Alleys

the dark and somewhat invisible life in a dark alley

Down the Alleys

 

Slipping down alleyways amidst all the chiming,

Thinking of novel ways to act out my rhyming;

Kicking down cobblestone,

Slurping an ice cream cone

Pondering rhythm and ultimate timing.

 

Slipping down alleyways littered with cats,

Some of them squeaking and sneaking like rats;

A look at those kitties

Sees none of them pretty,

Ignored by the homeless men hidden by hats.

 

Slipping down alleyways slickened by ice,

I slipped and I fell, not one time but twice

Forgetting the rhyming,

The rhythm and timing

The ice forms a prism, a knife makes a slice.

 

Slipping down alleyways in the absence of peace,

The bells of the hero still chiming, at least;

Those same chiming bells

Seem to cast their own spells

Disavowed by the black cowled priests.

 

dan © 2015

 

Reviews

[ANTO]

This is right up my street - or alley should I say Dan. 4 Limerick-esque tight rhymes, without sacrificing any of it for the superb imagery -

Can I make one suggestion my friend to this stanza -
"Slipping down alleyways slickened by ice,
I slipped and I fell, not one time but twice
Forgetting the rhyming,
The rhythm and timing..."


change this line to "Forgetting the Ow!... rhyming " - the fall has upset the timing and the rhyming you see, and the rest of that stanza I see the narrator getting back up and brushing the dust from their clothes whilst continuing the journey ...

but I really like the way you found so much to write about in the alleys. Brilliant inspirational work.

[dan]

Anto, I took my saved copy of the write and inserted OW! per your suggestion, and I didn't really like the way it disrupted the rhythm of the piece. It throws in an extra syllable....it was a good suggestion and I tried to rethink the wording of the entire stanza to make it fit, but was unable to. To tell the truth though, Anto, this is exactly the kind of reviews I want...people like you doing me the honor of being honest enough to suggest how to make my stuff better. Thank you so much!!! Thank you for your honesty! take care...dan

[ANTO]

Its my pleasure Dan - no worries my friend. Keep writing mate!!
:)))

[MsJewel]

I'm a big fan of dark poetry and find it difficult to write. You did an amazing job, with vivid descriptions and dark emotions. I felt as though I was there -
You really are quite talented.

:) Julie

[dan]

OR, I have walked down a lot of dark alleys. 8^) Thank you for the compliment, coming from a poet as talented as you are, it is quite humbling. take care...dan

[MsJewel]

You are too kind. Thank you :)

[Jerome F Knox III pseud..]

A wonderfully woven weaved writings you have displayed.

[dan]

Rico, Thanks for the read/review, I'm happy that you enjoyed the write. take care...dan

[anonymous]

That was incredible! I really enjoyed it! The way you write gives me an amazingly vivid picture in my head of what's happening. Thanks for sharing. :)

[dan]

Thanks very much for the read/review. I am glad that you enjoyed it. And it's my pleasure to share with you. take care...dan

[Kelly Scheppers]

Dare I say it again? ...ok, you're amazing...now you've got to go out and buy a bigger hat! ; )

[dan]

Thank you so much. When someone as talented as you looks favorably on my writing it's really an honor. Thanks again. take care...dan

[Kelly Scheppers]

Are you feeling more at home here now? I hope so. We are so fortunate to have you, Dan!. Thank you for the lovely review. As always, you've made me smile!

[Calamity]

Nice job here dan, I enjoyed the trip.

[dan]

Thank you, Calamity (love the name), I've bookmarked your page and will return the favor by visiting and doing a read/review for you. Thanks again. take caer...dan

[Calamity]

Thanks, always welcome but I apologize for what you may find.

[dan]

I'm game. 8^)

[Calamity]

Haha! :D very well

[AprilRN1210]

This is definitely not what I expected when clicked on title.. wow... I absolutely loved this journey with its imagery, emotion, and subtle repetition.. The rhyming was done beautifully.. it made this flow like one little clip to the next, transporting me into one darkened alley after another-- seeing what evil lurks.. I am quickly becoming a fan!.. amazing job..

[dan]

I wrote this because I believe that alleys are overlooked; they're just THERE. But it can be almost like a sub-culture all its own...it may not be pretty but it's real. Maybe too real? Thanks so much for your read and kind review. A fan? Ceiling or window? take care...dan

[AprilRN1210]

very cute, although, you do have me spinning from the twists and turns you took my mind on.. you are more than welcome.. likewise:)

[dan]

Stop it, you're making my head swell....now my ball caps won't fit! 8^) dan