quizzical consciousness

a stream of consciousness exercise, in futility?

 

quizzical consciousness

 

 

                                                spinning,

                                                                        twisting

                                    thoughts, breeding

                                   nightmares,

                                                encircle me

                                    as

                                                                        my mind

shatters and

                                                            fragments scatter

          to form waves,

which pound

                                                            and pummel

                                                           the probing

                                                       question marks (??)

                                    shadowing the

                                                                        future.

                   

 

                                    pressures build and

                                               dissipate,

                                                form

                                                                        (deceiv-

ing) dark clouds,

                                   flurry knowing snowflakes

on

                                                             the mountains

                      of time.

 

 

dan © 2014

 

Reviews

[MsJewel]

I love the creativity - as TKS said - it is just like a whirlwind of thoughts - a flurry of snowflakes falling from the sky.. Great writing my friend!


:) Julie

[dan]

Thank you Julie. I have bipolar disorder and I wrote this while in a manic state; usually that's not a recipe for good results, but I was actually happy with this one. Thanks for your read/review. Have a great Sunday. take care...dan

[Tks]

This is quite an abstract piece of art, and one must allow oneself to be deeply absorbed. It's like a whirlwind of thoughts, before transforming into waves, which your poem's form also follows...receding, then washing up again. It is wonderful how your poem metamorphoses into the various forms of nature which serve as your medium of projecting your conscious thoughts:)

[dan]

Tks, Now THAT is a nice review! You neatly summed up the thrust of the message implied. Thanks for your analysis, very comprehensive. take care...dan

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Very different piece.
I dont know if I completely get the meaning to this one.
Although I love the way you have written it, very cleaver.
It seems really deep, like you put allot of thought into it.
Great write )

[dan]

cimmy, Yeah, it's kind of abstract...I wrote this during a manic episode, which usually doesn't work well. But I liked the way this turned out. The mixed up twister of the way the piece was presented probably makes it harder to get. But thank you for the read and review! take care...dan

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

It was defiantly interesting in a good way the way you have written this out.
Your welcome :)

[Jamestown]

Well thought out for having a twister going on in your mind, very creative and
thanks for sharing.

[dan]

Jamestown, I really appreciate the read/review. I've been meaning to get back to your page and review some more; that's definitely on my to-do list. Thanks again. take care...dan

[~]

Wonderful and mind swirling. You did not spare yourself from form nor imagery. Great read.

[dan]

moonskittles, Thanks so much for your read/review, and what a nice review it was. I trust your opinion; do you think this would be better if formatted normally instead of the jumping-around format I used? Please be honest. take care...

[~]

NO no, the beauty of the poem has merged well with its form. Keep as is - my vote :)

[dan]

Like I said, I trust your opinion. Thanks so much. dan

[Jerome F Knox III pseud..]

This visually was hard for me to see because I have diabetes nevertheless I endured by placing in a word doc clearing the format, set the spacing and grew the font to 18 Roman and you know what I got from doing all of that? A darn good poem from a talented poet.

[dan]

Rico, I'm sorry to have made you go through all that just to read my piece. I thank you for doing so and for the great review. Thank you, sir! take care...dan

[Jerome F Knox III pseudonym Nefarious J. Dorsey]

Great poetry ..... Is worth it

[ANTO]

I totally got the twister shape and the asociated thoughts whizzing around out of control.
Very cleverly formatted and well conveyed Dan.
Thanks for the RR mate

[dan]

Anto, Thanks so much for the read and insightful review. I have come to rely on your opinions concerning my work. Please let me know if I post anything that's flawed or needs work? Thanks again, sir! take care...dan

[ANTO]

You can teach me and watch out for my flaws - I would never have conceived this double helix shape for a whirlwind of words - its just ingenious, is what it is Dan. Your the Sensei not I

[~]

Uh oh... now do you trust Anto more or me? -- I am totally kidding :) kkkkkkkkkk ©

[ANTO]

Im the video sensei - you are the word sensei - horses for courses - I dont want all the rackets in this joint - why I oughtta !

[~]

(#^_^#) ©

[dan]

Anto (and moonskittles?) There are 5 poets on Writer's café (maybe more) whose opinions I really trust. I do not want only good reviews. If I post something flawed or needs improvement I am very much open to constructive criticism. From both of you. Thanks!! dan

[ANTO]

m(_ _)m oh wordy one

[~]

Ohhh you are a very sweet man, and an honest poet. I will make sure to keep my red pen with me all the time :) Thank you for your trust my friend!!

[ANTO]

I second that Dan - the sweet man - red pen in hand - of WC-land

[dan]

Anto, Sensei? A bit exaggerated, I think. But thanks for the thought. dan