disorder-ly

a poetic structure (I don't know the name...can anyone help?) that rotates different lines, recycling them. It is about my bipolar/anxiety disorder and my family's belief that I'm playing, for 35 year

disorder-ly

 

when family thinks i’m playing dead

i struggle to convince them all,

that doubt still chills their bloodless hearts,

while they wonder if I’m sick at all.

 

i struggle to convince them all,

that doubt won’t make the sick disappear

while they wonder if I’m sick at all,

they call me lazy, insist it’s queer.

 

that doubt won’t make the sick disappear

shows me that my family won’t believe;

they call me lazy, insist it’s queer,

it’s a place my brain won’t let me leave.

 

show’s ME that my family, won’t believe,

that doubt still chills their bloodless hearts;

it’s a place my brain won’t let me leave

when family thinks i’m playing dead.

 

riki © 2014

 

 

Reviews

[Kelly Scheppers]

You're quite a talented writer, Dan. I'm thrilled that others here are coming to see that as well! A BIG welcome to the WC!!

[dan]

I may not be the most talented but I really try hard! Sometimes that's just as important. Thank you for your continued support. take care...dan

[~]

Nice Pantoum/Villanelle :) It definitely made the message come across perfectly well!!

[dan]

Is that what it is called? Is it Pantoum or Villanelle? There was a challenge I participated in on Starlite Café (with whom I am no longer affiliated) that had us write one of this type, I actually won, giving me (now) further proof that the writer's here are vastly better than those on Starlite. Thanks so much, that was bugging me. And thank you for the nice review. You da best! take care...dan

[~]

:) you are welcome Dan :) Keep it up!! Your poems are powerful!

[Jerome F Knox III pseud..]

I am not sure of the style either maybe Jacob will make an appearance because he is an English professor. I agree the style worked well with the subject matter chosen. I going to try and emulate this unknown for now style.

[dan]

Rico, Thank you for your read and review. I actually contacted Jacob and asked him, after e-mailing him a copy of the write. He didn't know but directed me to another member, (can't recall her name right this minute) said she uses such styles, but her profile had been removed. I'd like to try it again but would want to research how exactly this style is formatted before doing so. Good luck with your effort; I can't wait to read what you come up with! Have a good one. take care...dan

[MsJewel]

I've read poetry written in this form in the past, but I can't remember the name....
still, it is the perfect form for your words. The repetitive lines are powerful, while the tone is so very sad.
Great writing.
:) Julie

[dan]

Julie, When I was a member of Starlite Café they would post challenges; a few of them prompted the submitters to write in certain poem structures, which would be explained to us so we can do it. This was a challenge winner, I remember that, but have no clue what the format is called. I wish I knew, I'd like to try it again. Thank you for your read and review, always appreciated. And thank you for the kind words, them too. take care...dan

[MsJewel]

I learned this form on Starlite cafe as well. I left the site a year or so ago after the new owners plagiarized my poetry and the poetry of a good friend. I'm glad you are here at WC

[dan]

Julie, About a week ago the Starlite bosses terminated my account! I had made a comment to someone here that WC has welcomed me with open arms, unlike the way I was ignored at Starlite for about the first 3 weeks to a month. Someone told her about it, and even forwarded a copy of the comment to Brandy, so she was able to cut/paste it into her e-mail s**t-canning me. I had over 165 things posted on the site! I was really hurt, all for exercising my right to my opinion. I'M glad that I'm at WC now too. All of you folks have made me feel at home, it's been great. Thank you for commenting, you made my day. take care...dan

[MsJewel]

Many poets are here at WC for the same reason. Brandy is a plagiarizer wanna be poet that uses the site for her own perverted little games. You are better off here where real poets come to play. :)

[dan]

Julie, Thank you SO MUCH!! This just validates what I suspected all along. I always thought she was more phony than a $6.00 bill. This wasn't the first time I was reprimanded by her either. She didn't like me from jump since I sometimes write dark poetry. All her holier-than-thou crap made a lot of people who are still there afraid of her! And I thought it was just me who saw through her shtick. Thanks so much for the lift. take care...dan