The Man in the Ripped up Clothes

Story Idea?

If I were to give you the chance to save someone you loved at the cost of a stranger, would you take it?

         I was 12 years old when I had to ask myself this question. I don’t know who he was, but I was desperate. My mom was dying of breast cancer and I had to watch her wither away a little more everyday. He found me when I was sitting in the hospital waiting for the doctors to let me back in because she was having one of her coughing fits again.

         “Hello.” My first clue that he was crazy was the way his eyes shifted as if he thought he was being watched. My second was the way he dressed you would have thought he was homeless. At first I assumed he wasn’t talking to me until he came closer to me.

         “Can I help you?” looking back I guess that I sounded kind of rude but to be fair it was a trying time.

         “Maybe, but more importantly I can help you.” His smile was greasy and easily spread throughout his entire face.

         “Whatever you’re selling I don’t want any.” I replied carefully, he looked sort of unstable.

         “You are correct I am selling something, but it is not what you may think.” He was speaking in riddles and my patience was short already.

         “Than what is it you are selling?” I asked agitated.

         “A way out.” He smiled that greasy smile again. Now I had this chill running down my spine. My stomach told me to run from him but I couldn’t, my 12 year-old curiosity made me stay.

         “A way out from what?”

         “Well from this awful predicament that you are in.” he said looking as if this was all some joke. I waited for him to expand.

         “You silly girl.” He replied “Your mother.” He said bringing his voice down considerably. I gasped from his bluntness, and tried to remind myself that I was sitting alone in a hospital it wasn’t a stretch to think I was here for my mother.

         “How could you possibly…?”

         “Know?” he cut me off. “Well my dear that is a great question, but lets’ stay on track. Do you want a way out or not?” he asked like he was the one who had a right to be upset.

         “I don’t know what you mean by a way out

“Think about it.” He said as I turned to see one of the doctors come out and tell me I could go back in now. I looked back  but he was gone.

         I sat with my mother for some time; finally deciding that she didn’t need to know about the homeless man that I had seen it would only worry her. Little did I know that he would be back and with some very confusing allegations.

         It had been a month since the homeless man, and he began to slip from my mind until I was walking home from school.

         “Did you think about what I said?” he came out of nowhere, but I tried to not let him see that I was shaken by his sudden appearance.

please tell me what you think!!!!!!!!!

Reviews

[Chris]

Good thought, good beginning... and depending upon where you choose to take it and your desired depth I see no reason or problem with it's growth.

[ATG]

A very intriging idea for a story. I think the homeless guy still needs some work personality wise, but other than that the idea was very good. I would love to read a story with this premise.