Those Stupid Clones and the Thief

Those Stupid Clones discover a thief breaking into their base.

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away there lived three very stupid clone troopers. They were totally useless as soldiers so the Republic stuck the three clone troopers in a small remote outpost to work as security guards so they couldn’t cause much trouble.

“I’m bored,” Zach turned away from the monitor. “Staring at screens all day is boring.”

“Stop complaining and look at the screen,” Echo took a sip of his coffee. He was sitting in front of a computer watching music videos and the security camera footage.

“Weee!” Bomber spun around in his chair. “This is fun!”

“Is not,” Zach muttered. “Is there any more coffee left?”

“No,” Echo said. “If you want more you’ll have to make it.”

“Can’t you do it?” Zach asked.

“No,” Echo said. “I already have coffee. Why would I want to make more?”

“I don’t wanna go make coffee though,” Zach said.

“I wish my chicken clone could’ve come with us,” Bomber said. “He’s probably lonely in the zoo.”

“I’m sure your pet is fine,” Echo said.

Bomber stopped spinning in his chair and got up. “I’m dizzy.” Bomber ran into a wall.

“That’s nice,” Echo sipped his coffee.

“I think someone is breaking into the garage,” Zach poked at his monitor.

Echo walked over and looked over Zach’s shoulder. On the screen was a video of a door. Someone was coming in through the door.

“We’re being invaded!” Echo dropped his coffee onto Zach’s lap.

“Hey! I wanted coffee but I didn’t want it dumped on me,” Zach grabbed and napkin and wiped off his armor.

“Let’s go,” Echo headed out the door, grabbing his helmet on the way out.

“Which way is the door?” Bomber stumbled into Zach.

“Hey! Watch where your going!” Zach shoved Bomber and ran out the door. He came back in a few seconds later and grabbed his helmet.

Bomber found his helmet and put it on before following Zach out the door.

The three clones ran downstairs and into the garage.

Someone wearing clone trooper armor was trying to hotwire a speederbike.

“Hey, you!” Echo shouted.

The clone glanced over at Echo.

“Shoot,” the clone muttered. He sounded a little like a girl.

“Get off the speederbike,” Echo drew his blaster. “Now!”

The clone pulled out a blaster and aimed it at Echo.

“Drop the gun,” the clone said. He really sounded like a girl.

Zach drew his blaster and aimed it at the thief.

Bomber fumbled with his blaster and aimed it at his face. “You drop the thingy.”

Echo glanced over at Bomber. “Bomber, your blaster is facing the wrong way.”

“Oh,” Bomber pointed his blaster at the thief.

“Drop the blaster,” Echo ordered.

“No,” the thief said.

Zach walked over and yanked the blaster from the clone’s hands. He tossed it across the room.

“Take off your helmet,” Zach pressed his gun to the side of the clone’s head.

The clone hesitated before taking off the helmet. The clone had long red hair tied back in a ponytail and looked nothing like a clone trooper or a boy.

Bomber lowered his gun and tilted his head to one side. “You’re a girl,”

“Glad you noticed,” the girl said.

“Why are you here?” Echo asked.

The girl looked at the speederbike and then at Echo. “I think you can figure out that question yourself.”

“What are we going to do with her?” Zach asked.

“We should all dress up as Jedi and go scare random civilians!” Bomber said.

Echo looked at Bomber. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I dunno,” Bomber said.

“What should we do?” Zach asked.

“Lock her in the closet,” Echo holstered his gun. “Then we’ll figure out what to do next.”

Zach grabbed the girl’s arm and dragged her to the empty useless closet. He shoved her in and locked the door.

“Bomber, you guard the door,” Echo said. “And, Zach, go make coffee.”

“Why do I have to make coffee?” Zach asked.

“Because I’m telling you to,” Echo said. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.”

“Fine,” Zach said.

Echo went up the stairs and he came back down a few minutes later. “I’m back.”

“That’s nice,” Zach was playing with the action figures he kept in the pouches on his belt.

“Did you make coffee?” Echo asked.

“No,” Zach shrugged.

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t want to.”

Bomber came in. “The girl is going to the bathroom.”

“What?” Echo looked over at Bomber.

“She needed to pee,” Bomber said. “So I let her out. She’ll be back in a minute.”

“No she wouldn’t, you idiot!” Echo ran into the garage.

The girl was sitting on the speederbike. The speederbike engines started.

“Hey, get off!” Echo shouted.

“So long, idiots,” she put back on her helmet and drove out the door.

Echo drew his blaster and fired several times. He only managed to hit the license plate.

Bomber walked over. “She didn’t go to the bathroom.”

“Of course not, you idiot!” Echo shouted. “She escaped!”

“Sorry,” Bomber’s helmet drooped.

“Should we tell our boss?” Zach walked over.

“No,” Echo said. “No one is going to say a word about any of this to anyone.”

“Yes sir!” Bomber saluted.

“Let’s go back to staring at screens,” Echo headed upstairs.

“But that’s boring,” Zach followed Echo.

“Shut up,” Echo ordered.

“I wonder if she’ll come back,” Bomber walked up the stairs. “She was nice.”

Zach and Echo looked back at Bomber.

“You’re strange,” Echo said.

“Thank you,” Bomber said.

The three clones went back to work as security guards and never told anyone about what happened that night.

Author's Note

The world in which the story is set is not my own. Echo, Zach, Bomber, and the thief are all my own characters.