bottle Shattered

 

like the empty bottle shattered

I lay my feelings at your feet

ever are they flayed in your response.

 

never reconciled transgressions

among your favorite songs to sing

every chance you get to break me down.

 

left among my lonely self

your words a memory of pain

tears to dry to cleanse my dirty soul.

 

from the hatred that you daily bled

in this cup of solemn lies

to drink forever loathing of my life.

 

in wake of dawns deceitful words

from your smile a daggers blade

 thrust into the heartbeat of my dream.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Strong use of words led the reader to sad place.
"in wake of dawns deceitful words
from your smile a daggers blade
thrust into the heartbeat of my dream."
Words and bad actions can break a heart forever. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[bosiar]

Thank you for the read and comment just arriving from another site it took me a while to figure out how to reply

[Coyote Poetry]

We are almost neighbors. I live in Clinton Twp. Good to see other writers near and you are welcome.

[Insight "MH"]

Heavyweight expressions made by cleverly constructed metaphors. I love a poem of this kind of caliber, thanks to "JayceeC" for referring this poem and thank you for sharing it.

[dan]

Seems as if someone is hopelessly in love with another who treats that someone like dirt. There are many such actual relationships and many writes that speak of them but never in words more eloquent than these.
This sadly beautiful piece nearly brought me to tears. Very well done. take care...dan

[Nisreen]

There is nothing more lethal than this feeling of being broken
I say it takes up to three times of it and its time to disappear

i like how you compared that to a broken glass
its really smart
once you drop that bottle you can't put those ten million pieces of glass back together again

Pretty good write :)

[Emily]

Lovely writing!
Keep it up!!

[Wicahpi]

Sometimes we lay it all on the line and still wind up shattered. Heartbreak at it's finest. Kudos

[wordman]

reminds me of the song,what becomes of the broken hearted.
love can be painful

[Taylor]

Hi, Bostar -- I just read your poem at the request of a mutual friend, JayceeC. The first thing you should know is that I'm not qualified to review poetry -- I do occasionally to return the favor of reviews people are kind enough to do on my work. However, since I know so little about poetry and never write any (no, not even in the shower), I can only give you my "reaction." To me, this poem addresses archetypal issues -- simple fact is there are caustic, toxic people who go about spreading poison. I doubt there's a person who hasn't encountered at least one. They inflict pain, as you suggest, sometimes with a smile on their faces and daggers in the back. You have described the process and the effect well; the important thing though for me is to focus on the sunshine people in my life. One of them, of course, is JayceeC, so I'm thankful she led me to your poem.

[JayceeC]

You say the absolutely sweetest things. Bo don't believe a word she says about being qualified..she's always right in the money and is wickedly sharp and witty. Your job Bo is to help Mr convert her to being a poetry fan.

[Taylor]

LOL, Bo, the two of you may take me kicking and screaming but knowing JayceeC, I'm sure I'll eventually get there, after much futile effort. And I'll realize what I've missed. After all, I am the person who considered the Grand Canyon a big hole in the ground until I went there.

[JayceeC]

Welcome Bo, my friend. Life has a way of taking the piss out of you and stomping you into the ground.
Add always I like the clean structure you use to convey your images and words.

[bosiar]

Thanks J it already feels like home with you here, and thank you for your comment they always mean a lot coming from you...