You Ever Feel Trapped?

Exploring Fear in Relationships

You ever feel trapped? Caged within other people's set parameters of what should or should not be, what can or can't be or even who you are and who you're not? I'm not talking about how the government controls our lives. Or even the laws of each state or county that we reside within. No, I'm talking about when you feel so scared that others will take away what you hold most dear. Feeling as if you must bow down your head and comply with anything these people say.

I'm sure everyone has felt these pressures and these oppressive emotions at times in their lives. In fact, there are probably people right here, right now on this site that are feeling this way. The question that I'm going to ask all of you as well as myself, is WHY? Why do we have times that we feel this way? Why does it happen? As well as, how we may be able to resolve the issues that create this feeling of fear and anxiety.

Many people have claimed when I've brought up this topic that the fear we feel is self-imposed. I would turn to them and explain that fear doesn't come from thin air. It has to be triggered from someplace. Granted, we as individuals may have things in the back of our consciousness that we are unaware of that may flare up when triggered by completely random things. Yet in most cases fear comes from a direct outside source.

So why do we feel fear with some people more than others? Is it a conflict of personalities? Is it a result of a one time event in our past, and we see a possibility of it happening with this person we are dealing with, so we walk on eggshells? In any case, we are troubled by something about an individual that brings into our heart, mind and soul...FEAR. So much in fact, that we are terrified to stand up for ourselves, speak our mind and heaven forbid start an argument with this person.

Here I shall share with you my experience of this fear. Some fifteen years ago or so, I began dating a wonderfully kind lady. She had everything going for her and she adored me. I had thought to myself at the time. Groovy! I think this might be a winner. We had been solidly together as a couple for approximately six months. We had chosen to go out to a bar and shoot some pool with some of our friends. We had been at the tavern for about 30 minutes when I heard my other half, yell out. "HOW DARE YOU!" at one of our good friends. A second later I watch in horror as she decked the man and knocked him out cold onto the floor! Fear ran through me like wildfire. I was worried the cops might be called for one. At the same time, I could imagine this girl I had been dating who was so kind and gentle could do such a thing.

Now, in the aftermath of this event, I found out that the friend she hauled off and decked had spoken bad about me. She was simply defending my honor she had told me later. But the Fear was there. With in a few weeks, I realized that I couldn't talk to her about things that might upset her or cause a disagreement. When she asked why I had gotten so quite. I told her flat out, "I'm afraid of you. I'm scared to death that you're gonna lay me out for something petty."

She got quite and began to cry, asking me if we were going to break up over this. I explained to her I didn't want. She told me that she had always had a temper and that sometimes it got the better of her.

In the end, we separated two months later. It was a mutual split. Having talked things through from one side of the room to the other. We realized where we had screwed up.

She should have told me about her temper from the start...

And I should have told her I abhor violence and pain.

But since neither one of those things happened...We found that the trust simply broke down.

Now, in my little recounting of my experience; We come to see that this fear that I had felt was taken from a seed that could've been managed and warped into something uncontrollable by the lack of trust. Trust that neither of us had at the outset to be able to open up as much as we should have.

You must see here that it wasn't just a lack of trust in the other. It was a lack of trust within the self as well.

So now that we have seen that Trust is a precursor to having fear blossom into our lives. We need to take a deeper look at those things that form trust and break it.

However, the topic of Trust shall be in my next blog. For now. Just remember to take a step back before you speak or work for a relation and ask yourself. Do I trust myself to be honest with this person?