Fallen Angel's Story

The fallen angel's story is now shared

Her spirit is broken

Her flesh is weak

It has been so long since she has spoken

She is a champion for the meek

 

Her mascara is runny

Her hands are shaking

Her inner demons find it funny

As they see her heart and soul breaking

 

She searches for an escape

Anything to take her away

The pills force themselves down her throat like rape

No! No! This isn't the way!

 

Her demons slam her down

Forcing the gravel into her face

Suddenly they start to drown

She looks up, and finally feels safe

 

A knight stands over her

His armor glistens in the moonlight

Why he's there she isn't sure

But for some reason it feels right

 

He offers his hand

She is lifted to her feet

Her worries fell like an hourglass' sand

Her demons taste defeat

 

Her spirit is restored

Her flesh is strong

Her heart is now guarded

Her voice can now rejoice in song

Reviews

[Colleen a Bean]

I like it an dI like how in some places her mind emotions switch over and she changes her mind lol it's exactly how alot of us girls act or think great job this is definatley one of my favorite poems :)

[Laura Maidah]

Runny reminds me of snot. Maybe "running"? I know it messes up the rhyme scheme, but it matchs breaking and shaking. I love the rape line. It reminds me of a job. Blows my mind. Oh wait. Is that a sexual innuendo? Hmm... She has demons now? If you bring up mystics or dogmatic principles, you really have to expand on that. Who is the knight? how does he appear magically? It reads like he teleported men in black style. The hourglass' sand line is a strange simile for my tastes. The last stanza is a little cliche. It's like a pamphlet for my yoga class. Sorry. This sounds harsh, man. This is definitely not my favorite thing you've written. Again, sorry. I tried to like it. Epic fail.

[HopelessRomantic]

I tried to make them inner demons like a man vs self conflict

[Brittany]

Okay....this was good. I don't like how quickly her attitude changes, but could just be me. I thought by the title we would find out why she is in this state.

[HopelessRomantic]

I was basing this off of a friend I met who attempted suicide and she didn't give me the full story so I went with what I knew

[That_Girl]

Damn! Really well written!!
"Her mascara is runny
Her hands are shaking
Her inner demons find it funny
As they see her heart and soul breaking" is my favorite part but the entire thing was entertaining!