The Hopeless Romantic finds a Fallen Angel

On his journey, the hopeless romantic finds a lost soul

The night was a calm, hot one as he stepped out. The tears rolling down his face fell slowly with each step. His heart is breaking from not being with her. Why must he depend on her so much for his happiness? Curse the Fates for bringing her into his life because now his happiness depends on her! The concrete feels hot against his bare feet, those same bare feet that left those lover's imprints by the pillars. The fountains pour out their warm, crystal water as he sits on a stone. He runs his hands through the water and sees his reflection staring sadly back at him. How pathetic! A man in today's society has no time or need to shed tears over love! He continues his journey and comes to the pillars and runs up to one and hugs it tight like a long lost son would to his mother. Suddenly, he hears crying. A light, gentile cry fills the air as he looks and sees her sitting in the same spot where he sat not too long ago. She has her head in her hands and a small bottle of pills by her feet. He walks up and stands in front of her. She lifts up her head and sees him through her eyes, mascara runny and bloodshot eyes. He offers her his hand and she relunctantly takes it. He helps her up to his feet and puts his arm around her. They walk, and with tears accompanying them, they walk together.

Reviews

[Brittany]

This one didn't do it for me. I guess I also didn't pick up before that he and the girl had broken up. I also didn't like the image of hugging the pillar. Eh...work on this?

[HopelessRomantic]

I did this one in a bit of a rush and from what I hear it isn't my best

[Laura Maidah]

The night was a calm, hot? How is it both? Explain. It's possible literally, but contextually vague. I'm vacillating between revisions. I won't offer you any though. You can come up with genius on your own. I want to know more about the night, because the disparity between calm, pleasant nights, and turbulent hot ones, especially in LA, is rather stark. Are the people calm? Weather? Sounds? Cars? Traffic?
The why must he question is my least favorite question anyone can write. Ever. You repeat hot when describing the concrete. The societal sentence is perfectly executed. It needs a new paragraph after "Suddenly". Tone shifts, topic shifts. Rhythm is drastically altered. It's a crescendo in your plot arc. Do you mean gentile? Or gentle? I can't tell. I don't think you're talking about not Jewish people in Biblical language, contextually. Mascara blood line is red hot stunning. He helps her up to his feet? or her feet? Are they both getting up? I don't know. Overall, it's not very deep. Not much story, just an excuse to get emotion out through expression of "hopeless romantic" picturesque-ness. I don't feel connected to anything. Nothing is fully contained. Nothing intellectually, or even emotionally engaging. I'm really sorry. I didn't like this much. Again, SORRY> SRY.